Chapter 1
My dad says I’m a glass half empty kind of person. When I ask why I can’t make friends I’m told it’s because of my personality, but I don’t understand that. They want me to change myself to satisfy others. How can they not see that that’s pointless? People always have something to complain about. I try and try and try, yet they can’t see the effort I put in. Sorry for ranting, I know I’m annoying.
I know my friends are tired of me being here, think about how I feel. I have to hear myself all the time. Have you ever wanted to rip yourself into pieces because you hate everything? We won’t though, we don’t want to hurt the ones we refuse to believe love us. Like my mom. My mom's name is Rene, everyone sees how patient she is but me. Don’t know if I’m right or the problem, probably the second option. Right now, I’m sitting in my room reading a book. That’s been my newest escape, I think others call it a hobby, I just call it useless time wasted on a useless activity. I’ve been doing this a lot recently, staying in my room I mean. It just seems my negativity spreads to others even when I’m happy. I don’t want to ruin them too.
I used to be different. The happiest kid you ever saw. You’d see me dancing around trying to spread my positivity. I have always hated yelling, and used to be able to stop it when I was a kid. Can’t anymore though. Seems I’m the one yelling a lot recently. When I was younger, I would go up to random people all the time. I was so okay with people staring at me, so carefree. It’s 5:00 pm now and I need to start getting ready for tonight. I’m so excited but so nervous. Looks like I’ll be dancing again tonight.
I text my best friend Paytn to ask her if she’s already left to start heading to the ballroom. I’m running late and don’t want to miss out on anything. I curled my hair and put on my favorite makeup and dress. Maybe he will tell me I look pretty. Probably not, he’s not the type to say his feelings out loud.
Me and my parents head out to the car. It’s a black jeep, I hate it. I’m 5 foot 11 inches. The back seat is so compact, and I hate small spaces. I sigh and get in. I brought an energy drink with me on the way there so I’m more in the mood for social interaction. It will probably just make me really shaky since I was too nervous to eat dinner, but at least I’ll be better company.
My parents start talking about something random and I go on my phone.
I’m in the middle of watching book Tok when I hear my mom say. “Hey Kyleigh?” I look up.
“Kyleigh?” I roll my eyes; she obviously didn’t see you put my head up idiot.
“Yes mom?”
“Did you brush your teeth?”
“Yes.”
“Did you put on deodorant?”
“Yes mom, I’m not 10.”
“Are you going to be like this with your friends? "She pauses “Don’t talk to your friends like that or they don’t want to talk to you.”
I was frustrated, now I’m mad. I look at the back of my dad's head with wide eyes.
“Kyleigh? I’m talking to you.”
“No.” I say sternly.
“I am just making sure” she replies, sighing.
I go back on my phone to find edits of my favorite book Powerless By: Lauren Roberts.
“Have you tried on that dress I got you from amazon yet?”
I huff out “No mom, I was a little busy.”
My dad chuckles “With what?”
“I have a life you know?”
“But you have no job, no car, no license.”
I sigh, every time we drive anywhere together there’s always a problem. “I’ll try it on tomorrow.” “Okay…”
“If anyone mentions your sister tonight, be nice.”
I slam down my phone on my lap “Why?”
“Kyleigh...” my dad starts but doesn’t finish cause my mom cuts him off.
“Just say you haven’t talked in a while, and you think she’s doing well that’s it.
“Or” I start, “we can just tell people Candice isn't my sister because she chose not to have a relationship with me or any of our family.”
“Kyleigh there’s still hope, she could reach out soon you never know.” My mom says.
Then my dad continues “Kyleigh, you might look back in five years and see how you’re being, but you obviously don't right now.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m just saying that you’re still a kid. You are only 17,” I roll my eyes “You are still learning and right now you’re not being smart. Just be respectful and tell them you don’t know how she’s doing if the question occurs. You know you and your sister might be closer when you’re older, she might come to her senses.”
I’m livid now “Why is it that every time we are on our way anywhere that we have to have these conversations. I’m not stupid guys, and I do not want a relationship with Candice! I just want her to stop being brought up okay.”
My dad sighs “Okay Kyleigh.”
When we get there, we are the last ones to show up. I’m really frustrated by that fact, and it doesn’t help that I feel like I’m going to throw up. My anxiety right now walking into the ballroom filled with hundreds of people is at 9/10. We walk across the dance floor to our group and that’s when I see him. He’s wearing a red suit with a black shirt and suspenders. His outfit is fully him. He meets my eyes, and I can only stare for a second before my nerves take over. I’m shaking already and my anxiety has now reached 10/10. I stand there watching friends have fun, these people I don’t fit in with have fun while I’m having a silent panic attack. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, I think to myself. I should have taken that xanax.
