Carlos
It's the same every year when we visit Tully. I miss her so damn much it hurts. It's been Seven years since she was shot and seven years of wanting her back in my arms.
Adam is happy with Nancy, has been for two years now. He took things slow because he wanted her to be close to all of us, but it wasn't meant to be. Silas and Daniel just couldn’t accept her, not in a relationship anyway. But friends yes.
Nancy is a remarkable woman and a brilliant mother to Thomas, she loves Rue like her own, which I'm grateful for. So, for Seven years I’ve only ever committed myself to one-night stands. My father married Louise Four years ago on a beach in Monico, he's happy and settled.
My brother Diaz still works for Benny and is away most of the time. I could count on one hand alone the times I’ve actually seen him in the last Seven years. Today is Rues 7th birthday and she wants to go for a picnic in the park with Nancy and Thomas. with one last look at Tully's grave, I kiss my fingertips and send it to her in heaven.
“You good bro.” Adam asks as he walk up to me in the kitchen.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just miss her on days like this.” Adam frowns.
“We miss her every day, not just today.” he's right of course.
“You still plan to surprise Nancy later with the ring.” Adam has been toying with the idea of marriage for the last year, but something always pulls him back.
“Yeah, it's just.” he pauses.
“I no brother, your scared because if you commit to her in that way, you feel like your letting Tully down.” he nods, and I pull him close for a man hug.
“She's not coming back Adam, don't torture yourself like this, she would want us all happy.”
He nods again and stands up straight. “It's just, Tully was perfect for all of us, she was our glue you know.” he's right she was.
“I know, she was our girl and that won't change, just be happy and live a day at a time.”
“Listen to you being all philosophical. what about you? Why haven’t you settled down yet? He asks me this all the time and I don't have an answer.
“Just not met the one I guess.” he pats my shoulder, and we head for the front door.
“There you are daddy; can we get ice-cream too.” Rue jumps up and down with excitement.
“Of course, we can, it's your day after all princesses.” calling my daughter the same name as her mother chokes me up and I have to step back to take a minute.
“Daniel and Silas are already loading the car.” Nancy pulls Thomas away from his computer game and tucks it in her purse. “Come on, lets enjoy the park and get ice-cream.” Thomas lights up and grabs Rues hand.
Best friends those two. We pile outside and climb into the SUV; it's got 7 seats to fit us all. “Can I sit with daddy Silas and Daddy Daniel.” Rue asks as I open the door.
“It's your day, you can sit wherever you like.” I kiss her head, and she climbs in next to the boys.
The park is not too busy for a Saturday, and we find a nice spot close to the jungle gym and the shade of a tree. The sun is warm, and Nancy pours everyone a glass of juice, we all toast our princess happy birthday, and she beams at us all.
“Come on Thomas, let's see who can swing the highest.” Rue jumps up and grabs Thomas by the hand and they run towards the swing. We all fall into a comfortable silence with Adam resting his head on Nancys lap.
Silas and Daniel lay close together but with eyes still on the kids. I remove my jacket because it's getting warm. “Another month or so and the weather will turn.” Nancy looks at me and smiles. She's an attractive woman and in the beginning, we thought we could share, but it just didn't work.
So yes, to answer your curiosity we have all fucked Nancy, alone and as a group. She wants us all together, but the chemistry is just all wrong.
“Just a few months and we will be seeing snow on the ground.” she tries again to get a conversation going.
“Shall we go and get some ice-cream babe.” She talks to Adam running her hands through his hair. Just then the kids come back with red faces and looking hot.
“Yeah, who wants ice-cream.” Adam yells as he sits up.
Rue jumps on his lap and Thomas follows suit, Adams a big guy so he can take it. Daniel jumps up too.
“I'll come with you.” Silas stays laying down with his head propped up on his elbow.
“Strawberry for me please.” I say as Adam tickles the kids and Nancy laughs.
“I'll take a mint choc chip.” Silas asks as Daniel kisses his lips.
“Can I have chocolate please.” Nancy asks as Adam finally stands with the kids hanging on his legs. My phone vibrates in my pocket. It's my father.
Dad: Lou and I will be over this evening with a present for Rue.
Me: sounds good, have you heard from Diaz?
Dad: yeah, said he would call in later too.
That surprises me, we haven’t seen him for nearly a year. Benny keeps him busy, and I totally understand. After all he loved Tully in his own way.
not that he ever said it out loud.
Me: good, been too long since we have seen him, he got a new woman.
Dad doesn't answer for some time and when he does it makes me frown.
Dad: something like that, see you later.
What's that supposed to mean? He either has or he hasn’t or he's coming out as gay. I just miss him. He was with Tully when she took her final breath, and he was the one who organized the ambulance and the coroner. He was the one who organized the funeral and the flowers. He took care of everything because we couldn’t.
“Be back soon.” Adam kisses Nancy and leaves her with Silas and me. It's not awkward but it's not comfortable like it would be if it had been Tully. I know I need to move on but it's like my heart can’t accept she's gone.
No number of visits to her grave can convince me that's where her body is, and it just drags me down more and more each passing day.
We eat ice-cream and we play with the kids. The day is perfect and when we finally make it home, we all go our separate ways. Nancy will get everything organized for the party and I can sit in my room and wallow in my own misery.
when my father and Lou arrive, I'm greeted with a hug and kiss on the cheek.
"Carlos you like pale, are you eating well? please tell me you're looking after yourself?"
Louise means well. she's like the mother I never had. "I'm good, I'm eating and sleeping." it's a lie, I haven't slept well since that night we lost Tully.
she can see through my lie too. everyone can see how much I'm struggling. but unless they can bring back Tully, I will stay this way until I too die
