The Lost Children

"Great story. You could easily push your idea into a novel or novella. I would personally go the novel as you built in a great framework. I am into punchy dialogue and the only thing I would say is when you write dialogue, say it out loud and if you think it is corny or not believable, don't keep it. We all um and pause and say dumb things, y'know. Keep up the great work, I would read more of your stuff!!"