Snowstorm In Vermont

The glittering snow fell hard and heavy and I was thankful to be in the warm bar despite the blaring music and the large room clearly exceeding capacity limits. I sat alone next to a frosted window, typing away on my small, thin laptop. On my third rum and coke, the waitress brought my entree and I whole heartedly thanked her. It had been a couple years since I had last gone out to enjoy a meal rather than ordering take out for me and the kids.

Tonight, I celebrated quietly by myself, relieved that everything at court had finally panned out. My ex husband, Levi, had the kids tonight. Although I would always love the father of my two children, I knew sometimes love was not enough of an excuse to uphold wedding vows. Levi had decided to be the first to break our vows any ways, believing a stripper at a bachelor party was more his style that one night almost two years ago. And that was okay, I no longer resented him. He was forgiven but banished from a pertinent part of my heart. Still, Levi was an amazing father and I could never argue that.

Knowing the kids were safe and probably having a fun movie night with hot cocoa and popcorn at his house, I finally had the space to relax, mentally and physically. My buffalo chicken wrap was piping hot and burned my lips a little but I gobbled it down just the same. Swigging my drink once more, I finally started to feel a buzz, having the idea to order a brownie sundae for myself as well.

Finishing up sending some finalized forms to my lawyer, I shut my laptop screen and shoved it towards the opposite side of the table. I pulled my cell phone out of my small hand bag, glancing at a few text message notifications. Levi had sent me a picture of Michael and Hannah, buried in a heaping pile of fuzzy blankets, smiles parading on both of their sweet, little faces. We all miss you, read the message underneath. He texted again since then, about forty five minutes later from the previous text. Wish you were here.

Regardless of the outcome, Levi had never stopped trying to win me back. As far as I knew, he had not dated anyone or talked to another woman since the ordeal. He reminded me daily that he loved me. It was endearing, but unfortunately, I could not move past the details of the video his friend had sent me.

Rick was a sweet guy, the quiet type. I had known him just as long as I had Levi. Although he himself was at the bachelor party and I am certain he participated in his own sins that night, he claimed what Levi had done weighed on his conscience, which is what led to him texting me the video of Levi, butt naked, ass fucking the private exotic dancer at the New Hampshire cabin. They were in a dining room, her bent all the way over a cherry wooden chair, him taking her all the way from behind, relentlessly ramming into her, the same way he had me for the past decade. Rick had sent me the video a week after it all. After watching it several times and having hot tears swelter my eyes, I copied the video and sent it to my then husband. Of course Levi played the ‘I was so drunk’ card. The ‘have I ever disrespected you otherwise?’ card. And my favorite, the ‘I promise I will never betray your trust again’ card.

He had never shown me disrespect or disloyalty in our whole time together. Perhaps some would be able to forgive their significant other, writing it off as a mundane mistake, but I was not one of them. I knew how I felt and I knew I could not maintain a healthy relationship with Levi. I did not want the kids to see fighting and arguing, resentment festering or witnessing a broken hearted mother on the daily.

Things were amicable and although he persisted towards staying together, he agreed to all of my terms. The legalities took a while but I freed myself from a life brimmed by an aching heart, paranoia and bitterness. The multiple court hearings each went quickly as nothing was argued. He had made it harder on me by bringing me a breathtaking bouquet of flowers each court session, though I made sure to leave them on the desk each time.

My mind snapped back to several intimate times with Levi. Our first time, in the bed of his blue pickup truck on a late night in June. The shower sex when we first moved in together. When we went camping together and conceived our first baby. The patience Levi maintained through my post partum time and how he had used feathers to touch me and test my limits slowly. That time in the dressing room at the mall…

“Is there anything else I can bring you? Or just the check?” My waitress almost gave me whiplash from how fast she stopped me from reminiscing.

“Could I bother you for another drink? And a brownie sundae with extra cherries?” My smile was sheepish but I was determined to stay out as late as I could.

“Of course, hon,” she said, replying with a smile much more genuine than my own. The loud music was vibrating my chest while dozens of people yelled at the screens that were playing a couple different football games. Surveying the room, I felt my heart skip as I realized a recognized someone standing at the bar. I was almost certain it was him.