Untitled chapter
The name of the Karate Tournament is the UFAF(United Fighting Arts Federation) Convention....
The clocks in the Blue Unicorn Hotel sang, “9:00 am Tuesday morning, time to set up for this year’s Ufaf convention. The hotel clocks sang the same verse at least five more times... for memory’s sake. Not a moment too soon, there were many floating robot arms laying mats on the floor, setting up the tables for the Ufaf inventory store, setting up everything for all the Ufaf tournament participants to register for the convention, which was scheduled to begin the next day. The floating robot arms labored all through the morning. And time went by....
At 8:00 am Wednesday morning, the Blue Unicorn Hotel sang, “8:00 am, time to register for the Ufaf convention. Everyone come and register.”
As the hotel saw nobody approaching the area, a firm voice in the Blue Unicorn Hotel said, “AW come on, what’s everyone afraid of? Why ain’t nobody registering? What’s the hold-up! Come come come and register, hurry hurry hurry!” The firm voice had quoted this command as if it were afraid and worried that nobody would show up.
And unfortunately, not a single martial artist took up any space in this area. No Ufaf convention attendees were around to give hugs, handshakes, or long time no see greetings to one another. Only silence was a guest in the Blue Unicorn hotel attending the Ufaf Convention, except for the sounds of all the unoccupied slaught machines on the first floor of the hotel, waiting and waiting for money-hungry gamblers to occupy them...
AND BOY ARE YOU IN FOR A SURPRISE TO FIND OUT THE REASON BEHIND ALL THIS SILENCE IN THE HOTEL...
The Blue Unicorn Hotel stood alone in the 132-degree hot weather in the city of Washington DC. This hotel was the last building standing amongst a ruble of ashes and debris. At night, the ashes and debris gave off a radioactive glow, which could be seen for MILES......
The entire west face of the Blue Unicorn hotel was BLACK!!! ...burned FREE of its exterior wall paint; saved for three spaces. Space number one, an image of 105-year-old Ronnyi Guy, who was for the first time, attending the Ufaf convention in Washington DC. A few spaces over, it was.... AUH NO!!!... some jealous person at the Ufaf convention talking to hotel security, falsely accusing Ronnyi Guy of something he didn’t do like always; trying to ruin his time at the Ufaf convention as usual... This was a conversation with hotel security that never reached a conclusion... because that was when... BOOM!!!
“YEP!! That’s what that jealous person gets for trying to slander Ronnyi Guy at the Ufaf conference. They had it coming! YEP!!! Their day was bound to come someday!”
But anyway, back to the story. A female black belt approached the entrance of the Blue Unicorn Hotel. Someone who was once healthy, but now had become washed up and befuddled. The hotel let her in.
On Saturday, the day of the actual tournament, the female black belt, not realizing that she was the only competitor present, performed a traditional kata, performed a weapons kata, and tried her very best to compete in sparring while not being able to help but wonder why she found herself shadow boxing.
After her performance, which only the Hotel itself was there to see, the female black belt got down on one knee, thanking God for her safe arrival, thanking God for her great performance, then she said, “Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I’m a sinner. Please forgive me of my sins... I believe you died on the cross to save me. Please save me. I invite you into my life.” After this short prayer for salvation, the female black belt died....
An hour later, the corps of the female black belt was gone. The ordinary robots that were employed with the hotel finally sensed decay, then came and got the corps, preparing it for cremation.....
Saturday night, 10:00pm. As soon as the banquet was over... or scheduled to be over and it was time for dancing, the Blue Unicorn Hotel began to DIE!!!!!!!!!
An old sattlelight that floated in space for so long finally gave into Earth’s gravity and fell to Earth, crashing through the roof of the hotel, into the banquet hall, and onto the dance floor, lighting the place ablaze.
“FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!” The voices in the hotel uttered as the fire quickly spread throughout the hotel. The ordinary robots, as well as the floating robot arms, spayed as much water as possible onto the fire. But the fire was smart. The fire spread into the main data system of the hotel and malfunctioned everything.
As the robots malfunctioned, they all said to the hotel in unity, “YOU WANT A UFAF MARTIAL ARTS TOURNAMENT, WE’LL GIVE YOU ONE!!!” The robots started doing martial arts on each other while all imitating Chuck Norris, the founder of the Ufaf.
“.....AND I MEAN, METAL ROBOT PARTS WERE FLYING EVERYWHERE!!!”
Money shot out of the slaught machines at a psychopathic rate, only to be eaten by fire. The hotel restaurants cooked three billion tons of food. The fire got its grub on. The bars prepared 93 billion drinks. The fire consumed them all while showing no sign of intoxication. Mechanical vacuum cleaners, mechanical brooms, mechanical mops, moved across the floor at 200 mph, crashing into each other and exploding!
“THE ENTIRE HOTEL WAS GOING CRAZY!!!”
In the BLAZING banquet hall, the banquet hall malfunctioned, handing out three million competitors of the year awards, 5, 000 trophies, 9 trillion jiujitsu black belts, 70, 000 trillion Chuck Norris System black belts, and 5 billion Master Rank Chuck Norris System Uniform Master Rank Jackets, only to be eaten by fire. The fire didn’t care if it didn’t earn these awards; SIMPLY BECAUSE FIRE KNOWS NO HONOR AND RESPECT!!!!
In the attic of the hotel, the fire drew closer and closer to the main gas line. The main gas line got nervous and started singing the old 1980′s song, “Don’t stand.... Don’t stand so... Don’t stand so close to ME!!!” But too late....
BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
It was early dawn the next day. The fire had died. There was one last wall standing that contained one last voice, repeating over and over again, even as the sun came up, “Today is Sunday. The final day of the year 2245 Ufaf convention..... Today is Sunday. The final day of the year 2245 Ufaf Convention... Today is.....”
By 11:00am, the wall had fallen over so hard, that the last voice inside of it was damaged. Damaged to the point where it imitated Jim Carey’s character in the movie Dumb and Dumber by making the most annoying sound in the world.... “AAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!”
“AND BOY WAS THIS SCARY!!!”
