Collision of Us

I cannot breathe. Each breath I take is shorter than the previous. There's a sharp pain in my chest -- Is this what death feels like? I'm on the floor gasping for breath, my eyes closed. I had to close my eyes -- my vision was literally black. I can feel the beads of sweat rolling down my face towards my chin, I can feel them fall from my face. Why am I still doing this? Why am I still here? I gave up on trying to stay up and slowly slid to the floor. With my eyes still closed, I focused on catching my breath instead of trying to get on with it. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. This went on repeat until the sharp pain of every breath subsided.

Why am I still doing this? I think again. I'm not supposed to be doing this, at least not this much. I shouldn't be pushing myself this hard. Or else I might -- no, I can't think like that. The kids... I can't think so selfishly. I opened my eyes, then covered them again. Damn, the lights in this studio really need to be replaced with softer tone ones. I let out a deep sigh and thought about the kids.

Oh. You must be wondering why I keep thinking about the kids, or should I say my kids. And no, they're not my sons or daughters. I'm literally still 24! But they've become my family.

I was 12 when Elysium Co. scouted me. It was during our school's charity concert -- for which I was in charge of the dance performance team, which didn't make sense since I could barely stay on beat. But for some miracle, it was one of the best performances of the night. Plus we made a lot of money for charity. A guy in a well pressed suit came up to me and handed me his business card later that night. Apparently, he was a representative from Elysium looking for undiscovered talents. I know I mentioned that I was a bad dancer, but I wasn't half bad as I thought I was. For them I had the potential to be a great dancer and that I had caught their eyes with my charisma. Long story short, they scouted me. And I left school and my country for it.

Naive? Maybe. Most probably yes. Especially since Elysium was a multimedia company. They weren't known for debuting performers. But they were one of the biggest multimedia companies in the world. You're probably thinking now, why would they pick up a twelve year old average dancer for a multimedia company? Well, they were expanding, and along with that expansion was a subsidiary visual and performing arts company, which was going to be based here in Singapore. Thus, the birth of Meraki, for which I pioneered along with my best friend.

Oops, sorry! I forgot to mention him. My best friend, Duke, got scouted too, but for singing. He had really great vocal technique, or so they say. I don't get it. All I hear from him is screeching and whining. We trained together for about a year before we started performing. We've been training together ever since.

"Are you dead?" A voice rings out, which got me out of my thoughts. Speak of the devil.

"No," I answer, letting out a big sigh. I can hear Duke's shuffling. I knew his eyes were on me.

"Then get up. We have to go."

"I don't wanna go," I whine. My position on the floor was comfy. I like the floor. It's my bestfriend now.

"Well, you have to come with us. This was your idea, remember? Plus you're our leader," he says as matter-of-factly as possible. I groan and slowly sit up.

After a few seconds of blinking, I was finally able to focus on him. He was dressed in a white oversized shirt, sweatpants and some sneakers --the usual dance practice set-up--looking down at me disapprovingly. Duke had brown hair, hidden inside the cap he was wearing, a button nose, almond shaped eyes, and thick lips. He looked like a typical skater boy next door.

"You're still in dance clothes," I pointed out. We both came as early as 5am to train. Was it necessary? No, but I guess we both were feeling the anxiety that badly that we couldn't sleep in.

"No shit sherlock," he says. "I didn't get to change yet since Aria needed a few things signed, which needs your signature too, by the way. Plus, I left my bag here."

"Yeah, sure. You left it here," I scoff, rolling my eyes, trying to get up. "I don't need to be babysat, you know."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he says as he makes his way towards me, grabbing my arms to help me get up.

"I'm okay." We stand in front of each other, just a few inches apart. He was staring right at me, I looked away and dusted my hands on my sweatpants.

"How was it today?" he asks in a low voice, still staring at me.

"I'm okay," I repeat, as I head towards my bag while avoiding his eyes.

"Beau?" He says in a worried tone.

I finally look at him and try to give him a smile. "It's time to go, Duke."

Three hours later, we were at the airport, in line for boarding. I was the last one to board the plane, as usual, following the boys. Duke led the group and I took care of the flank. I did a quick head count as we lined up to board. That's seven heads. Good. We're all here.

On the plane, I did a quick scan to make sure everyone was seated to each other, with a buddy. I guess this would be the best time to introduce the boys to you.

So after a few months, Meraki started picking up new talents, which were added to Duke and I's duo. In just a few years, by the age of 14, I officially became the leader of The Misfits. That's 7 boys and 7 girls. And right now, the boys are traveling with me.

Luca, who was two years older than Duke and I, is the eldest. He came in about 7 months after Duke and I started, and specialized in dancing like me. He has dark brown hair, curling at the tips, a long thin nose, angled cheeks and a cheeky smile. He was also the second tallest member in the group standing at 5'11.

Next to Luca was Xavi, real name Xavier. He's in charge of the group's dance stunts and usually helps me come up with choreography. He's the athlete in the team, good at every sport he could play. His undercut hairstyle and leather jacket pairing made him look tough, especially paired with his steeling dark gaze, but make no mistake he's one of the sweetest people I know.

On the opposite seats were rappers Kazu and Koa. Kazu and Koa are often called the twins, which doesn't make sense. They may be the same age, 23, and the same build, but they don't look similar at all. Both of them are gym bros but leaning more towards fit than muscled, and Kazu was an inch taller. Kazu, has straight black hair that's almost always unkempt while Koa has long brown hair that he usually keeps in a half ponytail. They came into the company on the same day, wearing the same plain black tshirt and gray sweatpants combo, and have been inseparable since. Kazu usually leads the conversation and craziness while Koa smiles or laughs quietly. Right now, Kazu had his headphones on, his right leg jiggling while he bopped his head along with whatever song he was listening to while Koa had a book open in his hands, peeking at the window.

Behind the twins were the two youngest members, Tiny and Uzzy, bundled up in their hoodies, playing Mario Kart together on a Nintendo Switch.

Tiny wasn't really his real name. Akio was the youngest and smallest in the team for a while, even smaller than Uzzy, who was 2 years younger than him. He was 12 when he came in, but he didn't hit puberty until he was 16. We called him Tiny because that's how the staff would identify him. Right now, he's the tallest member, standing at 6'1". So much for being tiny.

Uzzy was our youngest. People often call him my little brother, which was kinda true, because I pretty much brought him up. He joined us at the age of 10, still so young, but also one of the best voices I've heard. He has the fullest, most beautiful voice, that made him sound like an angel. He used to stick with me a lot, hence the nickname little brother. A lot of people think it's because I mothered him a lot. But it was more than that. I was always the one with him during the nights he couldn't sleep. I can see how hard it was for him, being away from his family at such a young age. But he was a fighter, and was very serious in training.

Once I was done double checking everything, the boys' bags and their passports, I finally sat down beside Duke and settled in. I let out a huge sigh and he gave me an encouraging smile.

"You think we can do this?" I ask him, worry evident in my voice.

"We've done a lot of crazy shit in the past," he starts.

"Well, true."

"But I think this is the craziest idea yet," he finishes.

I sigh again, agreeing with him. This was a pretty crazy idea.

"But," he adds. "But, I know we can do this. We got you leading us."

I roll my eyes at him, chuckling at his words. He gives me a big reassuring smile then put on his neck pillow and eye mask. I put on my headphones and play a song from my favorite playlist, leaning on the window pane, my mind wandering off.

"

All right, that's it for today guys

," I announce, panting heavily. Their weak cheers fill the room. I look at each and every one of my teammates, now a total of 14. It's only been about three years and we've grown so much in number. "

I've got an announcement

."

All of their eyes land on me -- even little Uzzy directs his attention to me. They knew exactly what kind of news I was bringing.

"Unfortunately," I start, my eyes scanning each of their faces. "Duke and I would still be training you guys for a while. We're still trying to find the right vocal and dance teachers for us. I hope you guys understand." Lie. We found great teachers, but we just can't afford them.

"It's okay," Tiny replies. All the others follow and chime in, saying they were fine. I know they were looking forward to finally getting professional lessons again, but I can't help but feel down for disappointing them.

Ever since we became a bigger group, the company has had trouble funding our training. It was unfortunate timing that the biggest multimedia company started a subsidiary for performing arts then a recession hit. Being only a four-year old company, and us being here since the beginning of it, we are also here to witness all the ups and downs of Meraki. And right now, it's been a few months of being under.

Duke and I have taken the lead in training the kids in all aspects. How? We've tasked ourselves to learn on our own, from the basic vocal techniques to the best ways to belt high notes, from the basic body movements to the advanced foot works, from the basic pronunciations to spitting a good number of words in melody.

In addition to that, most of the trainees live with us in the dorms, which means we have to take care of the kids as well. The only thing Meraki has consistently provided us with is food, shelter and allowances which I'll always be grateful for. To be honest, they wanted to dissolve our unit, a secret Duke and I will take to the grave. But we fought for us. We fought for our little ragtag team of talented people We fought for the Misfits.

I took care of everything in the dorm while Duke and the kids went to school. It's not that I didn't either, but I made sure to take fewer classes each year, even if it meant I had classes in the summer, just so I can have more time to help the kids.

These kids have become my responsibility and I promised myself I would not fail them in reaching their dreams.

Our first showcase is only a few weeks away and we have to make sure everything is perfect. This showcase will give us the exposure we need to land gigs and performances. We cannot fail. I cannot fail.

"You're right, Tiny," I answer him with a smile. "It doesn't matter now. We've all come this far with just ourselves. I believe we can do this."

"Yeah, we can! One look at Fuzzy and all of them will swoon!" Kazu exclaims. Everyone started laughing, and more when Uzzy yelled out, "It's Uzzy!"

The boys start swarming him, while the girls continued fawning about how cute they all were. I turned to Duke, who was already looking at me. He gave me a wink and came over to put his arm around me and said, "We'll be okay."

I hope so.

A nudge on my elbow takes me out of my reverie. "

We're almost here

," I hear Duke whisper. I hadn't noticed that the time had gone by so quickly, we were already in descent.

A few minutes after we land, the captain announces that we are now able to depart from the plane. All the other passengers start standing up and shuffling down the aisle.

The rest of the boys have started moving as well, getting their stuff ready, waiting for the next set of instructions from Duke and I.

"Alright boys," I say. They all turned to me, eager to hear what I'm about to say next.

"Let's go impress JYP."