The Collidations Of Two Worlds

I woke up a Wednesday morning, it was sunny outside and I could hear my grandmother yelling 2 stairs down in the kitchen.

I was trying on my new bikinis which were all not looking so great for a swimming pool. I weighed at this moment 90kg, but fortunately for me it was on my bump and on my chest, so it wasn’t filling that much out on my stomach. Still, I had issues with my body.

While standing there in the mirror and looking down at my body, I could feel the self-critics of myself. I knew what the clientele was at the swim club, and I didn’t want to stick out.

After 20 minutes standing there and nipping to my flesh, I pulled myself together “You can do this, you are sexy, nothing to worry about, these boys are not like at home”.

Flashbacks ran through my mind with my ex-boyfriend Alex touching me, his hard touches on my skin made me feel the creeps down my spine. After this idiot got out of my life, I had issues with being close to men. He was horrible to me and treated me badly. He put me through the worst of the worst experiences in life and made me feel miserable, not to talk about my body issues.

I was pulled out of my flashing memories when my grandmother marched in through the door. I was just looking at her “Get dressed” she said.

“Yeah, I’m coming, give me a minute”.

I pulled up my shorts and took a shirt on, over my bikini. Took my towel and my bag with my book and ran down to the car. I was supposed to pick up my cousins and go with them.

My cousins and I had an what you can call “okay”-close relationship, we had an understanding, no snitching and respect the privacy. It was nice, cause my family was not the most understanding people in the world. The culture probably had a lot to say, but still. They didn’t believe in the same thing I was raised in. I was always raised to be caring, loving, and believing in the good in people… Them… Not so much.

I walked into the pool area with my cousins, I was a bit older than them, so they wanted more to go jump in the pool and swim around. I just wanted a chair so I could read my book and listen to my music.

I put my glasses on, took my book out of the bag and turned on my headphones and pressed play. I liked to hear some cozy music and not be disturbed while doing so.

I was sitting there for a couple of hours and frequently put on some carrot oil to be more brown/red-ish. While I was doing so a tall black-haired guy kept passing by, he was muscular and had a nice tan. Not to mention his body, he was well trained and tanned. Not bad looking for a lifeguard, he was better looking than his work body at the other area. Circulating around I could sense his eyes on me, he made me kind of uncomfortable with the staring. I looked at him also, I couldn’t stop myself, and when he started taking off his shirt I was about to walk away. I could feel the heat in my cheeks and looked down again. He looked at me and smiled a cheeky smile. I hid behind the book and pretended to not have seen anything. The first thought that came to my mind was, what was I doing?! But he was so handsome and looked like someone taken out of a catalogue with his beautiful cheekbones perfectly marked, and his breast muscles showing in the heating sun. He was the perfect looking guy.

Time went by and I could see him passing my chair more and more until… Suddenly the man just sat there, IN FRONT OF ME! I didn’t know what to do of myself and especially not while he was just there!

“Hi” he said. “My name is Jonah.”

When did he get here, what the actual…

“Hhi.. ehmn my name is Mary” I said, I looked down, “I noticed you’re reading Behind The Stars. Nice.” He said with a deep voice.

I looked surprised at him, mostly because he seemed to know what I was reading.

“oh yeah, its kind of romantic, do you like romantic books” I shivered.

“No, actually I don’t read I just wanted an excuse to come over and talk to you because you seem really nice”.

I could feel the heat once again, my cheeks must have developed themselves into strawberry red of total blushing.

“Thank you…” I didn’t know what more to say because I was so shy, so I just looked down. I was so insecure with my looks that the self esteem was long gone and forgotten.

“Do you want to go have a swim and just talk a bit” everything inside me was just screaming, was this really happening, was he really into talking to me. “Yeah, I would love to”

We spent the whole day together; with time I cooled more off and it was nice I felt more free. He was sweet and he seemed nice to talk to, we talked about where he lived, that he had a dog, 2 brothers and that a lifeguard was a summer job for him. I also told him about my self and my life at home with a brother and a sister. I enjoyed his company and could feel his sincerity while he was engaging with me in deep talks. It was relaxing for once. I sensed him when he was fooling around and I just wanted to be closer to him, to feel his touches and his skin against mine but at the same time I was anxious for letting him touch me.

At one point we were swimming and he was splashing water at me, I giggled and did it again, though it was a little harder at him. He laughed and looked at me with a teasing smile as if he wanted to catch me. I tried to swim away but he grabbed me around my waist and pulled me close.

I was drawn to him; I could feel his peppermint breath against mine while looking into his eyes. I felt like he saw right through me, through all the pain and all misery I was put through before this exact moment soon there was only a few millimeters from his lips to mine and I felt it. The warmth going through my body, the tickly feeling when you meet someone and it feels right. Then I remembered. I remembered that feeling the misery, the pain, the tears, the endless nights with anxiety. I remembered it all. I pulled away quickly, I could sense he didn’t understand the situation on his face. “I’m … I’m sorry, I must go.” He frowned and looked at me still while I was putting on my clothes and packing my stuff.

“Did I do something?”

“No, uhm… I just remembered I must be somewhere” I tried to avoid his look.

“Can I at least get your number? I really want to see you again.” He was at the edge of the pool looking up at me. I looked down at him, making eye contact. The tears were pressing on my eyes, and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I sighed and quickly gave him my number.

“68932418, goodbye” I took my stuff and ran out to the car and stormed home, I told my grandmother she should ask a driver to pick up my cousins because I felt sick.

While lying on my bed I touched my waist and felt his touches around it, I closed my eyes remembering that nice feeling. I felt like it was only us in the world, that we were the only living organisms there. It was perfect, and then I had to ruin it. I felt horrible lying there, and he probably never would ever talk to me again.

I was dreaming of that power of emotions, and then I had it. It was even stronger than with Alex and I think that was also what made me get scared of the fact that it was even more perfect and too good to be true. It was magical!

Suddenly I heard my phone say a “pling” sound. I got a message.

I am so sorry if I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable, I really enjoyed our day together. I haven’t felt like this for years, so this was special to me. I hope you want to let me take you out on a date or just me see you once again.

-Jonah