Prologue
She isn’t real.
That’s what I keep telling myself. If she existed...I’d have found her by now.Yet every night I wake with the same certainty:she’s somewhere beyond these borders.
I rake a hand through my hair and grip the edge of the wooden bench until it groans beneath my palms. Pine and sweat fill the training grounds, but nothing calms the restless beast beneath my skin.
A slow growl rumbles in my chest.
Thinking of her makes me want to tear through every inch of the forest until she’s found. She’s become a distraction.Distractions get people killed; I’ve learned that the hard way.
The sun beats down.The eastern wards shimmer at the edge of the forest. Even the birds refuse to cross through. Beyond them, the forest looks almost black despite the morning sun. Another reminder that monsters came in more forms than wolves.
I try to fix my gaze on the training grounds, but I don’t see the warriors sparring. I see green eyes. Eyes the green of the forest after the rain. The rest of her slips away the harder I try to hold on. It’s always the same. Too much and never enough.The goddess has a cruel sense of humour.
“Alpha."
Rowan’s voice brushes the edge of my thoughts, yet he can’t break through the fortress around my mind. Not when my wolf prowls so close to the surface. I force myself back under control, springing forward to my feet.
Conversations die the moment I step onto the sand.Behind me Marcus barks another correction at patrol.
“Again!”
Nobody wants to be the first to fail before the Blood Moon. I need to get my head in the game. Dust hangs in the morning air, disturbed by pounding feet as my warriors weave between one another and Marcus barks corrections.
A shoulder collides with mine."Alpha"
Rowan looks at me; concern etched in his brow. I bristle.
“You planning on joining us today?"he asks, folding his arms across his chest.
“Obviously.”
I stride forward and neutralise my expression.I feel his eyes on me.
“You’d think the fae had compelled you to brood,” he quips.
Shit.
He noticed. The thought slams me back into the present. I lock my hands and stretch out my arms, cracking my neck from side to side.“I was thinking,"I offer.
“Dangerous.”He raises his brow but doesn’t say another word.
Normally I’d have something to throw back at him.Today, I don’t. Because it’s been weeks, maybe months. I’ve stopped counting. Somewhere along the way I’ve started looking for her without meaning to. In every crowd. Every passing face. Every pair of green eyes. Obsession only ever ends in ruin.Maybe I’m already beyond saving.
She isn’t real.
I’m less convinced every time I think it.
“You’ve had that look a lot lately,” Rowan says.
“What look?”
Rowan shrugs. “Like you’re waiting for someone.”
I freeze. I know what he’s suggesting but I won’t let fate control me. Not when it’s taken enough already. Not when I still wake to echoes of screams that aren’t there.
Before I can answer, Marcus announces me. Silence floods the arena, and he averts his eyes. Rowan claps a hand against my shoulder, harder than he needs to, before walking past. I hesitate for a moment before forcing all thoughts of her aside. At least, I try to.
“Continue,” I command. The reaction is immediate.
“You coming, boss?”Rowan raises his hands into a fighting stance.
Game on, Beta.
He looks at me with the faintest smirk. Hard not to pity him, thinking he has the upper hand today. Now it’s my turn to smile. The look on my face must be bordering on feral. No need to push the frustration down when I can let my ruthless power rip free.
I let my aura flow, rolling off me in waves. Rowan stills. I see the line of his jaw harden as he readies himself. That’s what my people need from me. Untamed strength.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,"I taunt. Bouncing on the balls of my feet, circling him like prey.
The irony isn’t lost on me. Somewhere between waking and dreaming, she’s haunting my every moment. Every dream leaves me with the same feeling. Like I almost remembered someone I was never supposed to forget.
In a flash, I pounce.
Maybe pain will drown her out.
