Prologue
“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.” His sensual voice drew behind her.
Even though his arms remained at his sides, it was clear he wanted to roam her person, and graze her skin with his calloused hands. His claret eyes were fixed on her, warmed with their usual doting nature.
“How terrible it is to love something death can touch.” He murmured to himself more than her, his voice a low rasp.
“I believe death suits me.” She spoke in the same melodic nature that had always enchanted him, even if her words sounded bitter, even if her eyes were cold. The words chilled his blood, but they were not wholly untruthful. Her beauty had always been her curse, and perhaps, his also.
“Are you saying I’m destined to love you even in death?” He asked, the slightest edge of mocking teasing in his voice.
She snorted in response as she moved to sit on the long chair in the study. ”Love," She spoke the word incredulously, a bit of mockery in her own tone. “I was unaware vampires could love.”
A ghost of a smile crept across his face, if only to amuse himself. She’d always been so sharp. It had been one of the things that first drew him to her. He sauntered over, his long frame towering over her as he loomed down. His arms braced on the back of the chair on either side of her.
“Perhaps I’ve been blessed then, to be able to feel something so pure.” He retorted almost instinctively.
She rolled her eyes, in quiet retort but said nothing further of her thoughts, she instead decided to shift the conversation entirely.
“You have a garden of bones, not flowers.” She believed nothing he grew could possibly be alive.
In response, a dark chuckle emerged from deep inside his throat. “Indeed, I do. But for you, my love, I could build a garden of roses.”
The words he recited from the very depths of a soul he no longer had. His head canted to the side as he studied her, his expression curious. He wished she would let him into her heart.
“Would you like that?” He asked, his voice quiet.
It wasn’t often that he spoke gently.
“They would wilt and die.” She answered simply as her expression remained void as her thoughts floundered. It was so easy; the bitter tang of shame slid its way up her throat from merely being in his presence.
“Perhaps not.” He argued.
At the sight of her, his stomach churned with a deep sickness. But more than that, he felt a tug on his soul.
“I would make it my mission to keep them blooming for you."
The ghost of that smile returned, but it was tempered with something softer. “I would water them with my blood if it meant keeping them alive for you, dear Tirzah.”
She looked at him fully then, disgust had wrinkled her nose. “Blood which is so dear to you,” She paused as if too disgusted to utter the word, “you vampires.”
All humor fled his gaze as his expression settled into a solemn mask.
“If you can do me but one thing in my life, love, hear me when I say this.”
Slowly he dropped to one knee before her.
“I would give you the same care and tenderness, as any mortal man would give to you. For the longest time, I thought I was a beast. But I’m no such thing, my love."
Unashamedly, his eyes were wet.
“For you I could be a man.”
“You were a man.” She replied stiffly. “You’re nothing but a monster now.”
His heart ached. He didn’t need this reminder.
“Am I not human in mind? Do I not feel as you do? Do I not love you as a man would? I feel the pain of every mortal wound inflicted upon me, Tirzah.”
Then her expression broke his heart, and he let out a sad chuckle. “I know you see me as a monster, but how you cut deep with your cruel words.”
“But if I am a beast to you. Then so be it. I will be your monster if that is what you wish of me.” His words sobered.
She turned from him, a simple gesture yet it held so much weight, weight that was tangible. How was she to respond to such heart wrenching words? She could feel her continence slipping and a low ache in her chest. She made an attempt to stiffen her resolve and replied,
“I wish nothing of you, Aetas.”
It was the first time she had uttered his name in a long time, the word tasted strange on her tongue; bitter.
She could have said any number of words that would cause his heart to ache, his resolve to crumble. But that one did so more than any other. That one broke him down and destroyed those walls he’d meticulously built.
His eyes dropped to the floor as he listened to the silent moments that ensued. Her words had wounded him deeply, as if he’d been impaled by a sword. But he was used to this anguish now. It was his constant companion.
He remained on a knee, before her, utterly defeated.
“I pity you as I pity myself.” She spoke finally after long beats of silence save for their quiet breathing.
The word held so much disdain and resentment, pity. Was that all she was? A creature of habit just as he was. Was there more to life than this endless cycle of pain?
The words cut at him, like talons piercing the soft flesh of his heart. He had heard similar words countless times before. Pity. The emotion he despised most. Still, he looked up at her and the sight of her face was bittersweet. He was pained, but yet, this was something so different for him.
She was vulnerable.
And so he reached out, a simple gesture, but one that took more courage than he thought. He laid a hand on her knee, and let it linger there.
She flinched at his touch, but to his surprise she didn’t shift away, instead she continued; her voice was soft, with a twinge of pain that somehow made it all the more lovely. “I cannot love you, Aetas." I’m going to die, and you’re going to live forever.”
It wasn’t fair. Why did her one true love have to become a monster, a vampire. How could she love someone destined to walk the world for eternity?
He watched her, her vulnerability was something he’d never seen in her before. It brought him to a strange place. He remembered when they were young, and she was so bold that nothing could touch her, but here she was, his sweet Tirzah, the girl he loved for so very long, speaking of how unfair it all was. Of how she would die, and he would remain. Something snapped in him, and he took her hand, and drew her onto his lap.
“No.” He whispered, his voice a sharp contrast of his earlier softness.
Her eyes flitted to him almost instinctively at his touch. His hands were cold, they were dry and calloused, she could no longer feel his warmth. A tremor of pain arced through her and for a moment she could hardly breathe. She would never be able to feel the warmth of his touch again, not in this life or any other.
“Yes.” She whispered, her voice a sad contrast of her earlier coldness.
In this moment, every emotion she was feeling was reflected on his face. Even the softest of touches could bring pain. He wondered if this was what happened to her every time they touched, now.
His hands moved to her chin, and he tilted her head up to meet his eyes.
“Why can’t we love?” He asked, his voice pleading.
For the first time since he was turned, he felt something other than bitter resentment in his gut. “Surely, we can make an exception to the rules. Surely, we can rewrite fate. It’s done wrong by us already.”
She felt tears burn in her visage, but she held them back. “How am I to love a ghost?” He was a shell of the man she had loved, how was she to love him now when she had loved all that he was before?
Her words left him utterly empty. He thought he had lost so much, but he just now realized that he had lost so much more.
“A ghost.” He repeated softly, blinking back tears of his own. “Is that what I am to you? A ghost of the man I once was.”
Suddenly he felt so much older, as if a hundred lifetimes had passed through him in a moment. With every thought, a pain emerged from his stomach, stabbing him repeatedly. He held his side.
She clasped his hand and held it to her chest “You’re cold, Aetas. You’re dead.” She paused as her gaze searched his. “Am I to never feel your warmth again?”
The words felt like fire on his skin. He held up his other hand and placed it on hers.
“My love...”
He paused, his breath catching. The words he wanted to express to her felt impossible.
“I am but a fragment of who I once was. But the part of me that loved you is always with me. Even with only an empty shell, my love for you is the one thing that will always be warm.”
Life had been nothing but a consistent cycle of pain, and he was a constant reminder. Her hands fell to her lap and for a moment she was silent, in thought, perhaps perusing her memory. When she spoke again her voice was soft, hoarse and unbelievably sad.
“How terrible it is to love something death cannot touch.”
A sharp pang of pain pierced his heart once more when she repeated his earlier words. This time, he had nothing to say to her in response. As the silence remained, his eyes locked to hers. And for an eternity, he held her gaze, and his grip around her hand tightened. It was as if he wished to make her feel something more. Some semblances of warmth and the love he so desperately still held for her.
“I cannot feel you, Aetas.” She whispered.
Her hand moved to trace the lines of his jaw, and for a moment the familiarity struck her, she had done this constant times before, but just as quickly she was reminded of the truth; that now was nothing like before.
As her hand grazed his face, he couldn’t help but remember moments in his mortal life when she ran her fingers over his stubble. The memory, even if only a brief moment, felt like a lifetime of love. Then, his hand clenched at his side, as he felt something shift within him. Like a cord had snapped and his mind was writhing in agony.
He forced a smile, though it was not a cheerful one.
“Why must everything change?” He murmured, his voice a raspy whisper.
