Chapter 1
“I just hope we can still be friends.” Rachel said nicely
I frown, she feels sorry for me, it must be said that I'm madly in love with a girl who will never really love me, everyone thinks that this girl is Quinn but everyone is wrong: this girl is Rachel, who won't fall for her, she's downright sexy when she wants to, she's got gold in her voice and she has this ability to forgive even if she's hurt a lot. Unfortunately, she'll never love me the way I want her to, because she loves Finn and that's not going to change. So as usual I put my mask of coldness back on and answer her:
"We weren't friends before," and I get up, and once I'm far enough away so she can't hear me, I whisper "I've always wanted more."
When I get to the corner of the field I turn around and I look at her, I see her wiping a tear from her cheek, and it hurts, I'm a coward, I hurt the person I love the most in the world and I don't even have the courage to go back to her and beg her not to shed any more tears because of me because every one of them is killing me inside, but I'm a coward so I'm leaving.
Three weeks later,
I arrive in front of my locker and I see Santana waiting for me there, arms folded on her chest and a black look on her face and I know for sure that she is going to give me a hard time. I sigh and move forward, she attacks me directly.
"You're a dumb Puckerman! What the hell are you doing with piggy Berry?!" She practically screams out
"Calm down Satan, I dumped her, so relax!" I said...
She shakes her head and hits me in the back of the head.
"Ouch!" I'm like, "Why did you do that?!"
"Because you're so stupid! Well I admit I don't like the dwarf, but you can't tell me you don't like her! You can make the Glee Club and the whole school think you left the Titans for Quinn Fabray but not me, I'm your best friend, I know you so now you're gonna wear your balls and you're gonna tell him you love him!" Santana exploded.
"I can't." I sigh, "She's in love with Finn." There's a hint of desperation in my voice as those words come out of my mouth.
Santana looks at me with a sad look.
"I wonder if you're not actually blind! The Hobbit has no feelings for Frankenteen." She looks exasperated.
I'm in shock, of course she has feelings for Finn, that's why she dumped me. My head must have been reflecting my thoughts because Santana sighed.
"She dumped you because she thought you loved Quinn and she thought you'd never really love him. Now it's up to you to decide if you want to quit and be a coward or make your statement to The Hobbit and be happy." She smiled at me.
I don't have time to tell you that Quinn's coming up behind Santana.
"Can I talk to you, San?" She asks for
"Sure, Quinnie." Answers the latina.
She hugs me, which surprises me and she whispers in my ear.
"I know you're not a coward, so get off your ass."
She backs away with a big smile and turns to Quinn before she leaves with this one, I have a little laugh from what she said but that laugh dies in my throat as I turn around, what I see rips me apart inside, Rachel and Finn hand in hand as a couple walk to their class together, the bastard! Barely free, he's already jumping on her... Totally depressed I decide to skip class.
1 hour later
I spent the whole hour wondering how to get him back now that she was with Finn, which by the way I was surprised, wasn't he supposed to be with Fabray? Unless Rachel told him the baby Quinn was expecting was from another guy on the football team. My last class of the day was Glee Club, I was in first with Kurt and of course Rachel and Finn. I ignored them and sat in the farthest chair. A few minutes after the others and Mr. Shuster arrive.
"Hello, young people," he begins.
I get up and say:
"Mr. Shue, I have a song I'd like to sing"
He nods, "All right, Puck, let's hear it," and he went to sit down.
I stand in the middle of the room and take a deep breath. The notes on the piano begin and I too start to sing.
Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down…
'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
My eyes were glued on Rachel, it had only been three weeks since we had broken up, but these words reflected exactly what I was feeling at that moment. Rachel, she didn't seem to notice that all I think about when I sing this song is her.
It all just sounds like ooh, ooh ooh ooh hoo hoo hoo
Mm, too young, too.
It all just sounds like ooh, ooh ooh ooh hoo hoo hoo
Mm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers And held your hand
Should have given you all my hours When I had the chance
? Take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing
But she's dancing with another man
My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, oh
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes
My feelings, that's what this song expressed, I almost cried but I can't, I don't want to appear weak in front of them, in front of her.
It all just sounds like ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Mm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers And held your hand
Should have given you all my hours When I had the chance
Take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance ?
Now my baby's dancing
But she's dancing with another man
She looks me straight in the eye and I see a discreet tear running down her cheek. I put everything I've got into the last verse.
Although it hurts
I'll be the first to say that I was wrong…
Oh, I know I'm probably much too late.
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want you to know
I hope he buys you flower
I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours
When he has the chance
Take you to every party
'Cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
As I make the last note, I close my eyes until there is no more noise in the room, at that moment I open my eyes and watch them for a few seconds, Santana is wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, Brittany was just holding San's hand and smiling at me. Chang-Chang was also holding hands and smiling, Artie and Mercedes looked at me with a smile, Quinn she looks at me strangely, as if she was mad at me and Finn, as if he wanted to kill me. Kurt glanced at Rachel and then at me before smiling contentedly. But the reaction that mattered most to me was obviously Rachel's, she was crying, quietly, she didn't even look at me. As I watched them the time was like slow motion and when Mr. Shuster started to applaud, the time returned to normal.
"Wow, thanks, Puck, that was great... did you sing it for anyone in particular? "he asked me.
I hesitate, I can't tell the truth, Finn would kill me and San on the other hand would kill me if I lied. So knowing that if Finn and I fought, Rachel would suffer, I decided to take the risk of facing Satan.
"No, Mr. Shuster, it's just I dig Bruno Mars." I say before I sit down…
"Alright, well, congratulations, you've perfectly illustrated the theme of the week: you can sing alone, in duet or in trio and you'll sing something that really moves you, that stirs something deep inside of you," he explains.
Brittany leans over to Santana and whispers :
"That's disgusting! "to which the Latina responds with a quiet laugh…
After this little speech I watch the groups get together, Tina and Mike together, what a surprise, Brittany and Santana, Matt and Mercedes, Rachel and Finn ... of course when Kurt, Artie and I stayed by ourselves. Everyone started arguing about their song choices when the bell rungs in the hallway, as I have free period, I decide to go to the auditorium to rehearse. I take my guitars and start playing:
Can't blame you for thinking
That you never really knew me at all
I tried to deny you
But nothing ever made me feel so wrong
I thought I was protecting you
From everything that I go through
But I know that we got lost along the way
Here I am with all my heart
I hope you understand
I know I let you down
But I'm never gonna make
That mistake again
You brought me closer
To who I really am
Come take my hand
I want the world to see
What you mean to me
What you mean to me
Just know that I'm sorry
I never wanted to make you feel so small
Our story is just beginning
But let the truth break down these walls
And every time I think of you
I think of how you pushed me through
And show me how much better I could be
Here I am with all my heart
I hope you understand
I know I let you down
But I'm never gonna make
That mistake again
You brought me closer
To who I really am
Come take my hand
I want the world to see
What you mean to me (yeah)
You make me feel like I'm myself
Instead of being someone else
I wanna live that every day
You say what no one else was saying
You know exactly how to get to me
You know it's what I need
It's what I need yeah
Here I am with all my heart
I hope you understand
I know I let you down
But I'm never gonna make that mistake again.
You brought me closer
To who I really am
So come take my hand
I want the world to see
What you mean to me
What you mean to me
I'm lost, I don't know what to do, this song made me think, I really like her, I'm really bad at the feeling thing, but when I think of her, I can only think of stuff I love about her. First there’s her eyes, they express so much of what she feels that it's like a mirror to her mind, then there's her hair, which is so soft that it feels like silk, her whole face almost unable to hide her feelings and her fiery temperament, she's ambitious and most of all she takes shit from no one, whatever happens she keeps her head up, and she never gives up. That's when I have a revelation, I put my guitar down as fast as I can and run under the bleachers where I know she hangs out from time to time, I know she's alone, Finn is in class, like all the others. I see her sitting there alone rehearsing, as always, I love to listen to her singing so I don't show up right away, I recognize the song she's singing from the first notes.
The day we met,
Frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found a home for my heart
beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
I no longer resist, I appear towards her and I continue to sing.
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
She's smiling back at me.
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
One step closer
She takes my hand as she begins the second part of the chorus alone.
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
We finish the chorus together, hand in hand.
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more…
I'll love you for a thousand more…
"Rachel, I... "Suddenly I don't know why I'm losing my nerve." I wanted to ask you something?
"Go ahead, I'm listening," she says with a reassuring smile.
"I'm madly in love with a girl, she's absolutely perfect, I feel like when I'm with her, everything's better, and the problem is that I think she doesn't love me and she'll never love me the way I want her to and I'm scared to tell her exactly how I feel because I'm scared that she doesn't feel the same way. "I blabbed and I hope she understands what I mean.
She sounds disappointed, I don't know why.
"Well, if I can give you a piece of advice, it's go for it, if you think she's the one, then go up to her and kiss her because otherwise you might miss your chance with her," she says.
Rachel turns around to get her bag, she comes up to me and touches my arm and says.
"Good luck," and she starts leaving
She doesn't understand, I have to do something, I turn around and start chasing her.
"Rachel! Wait. "She stops and I come up to her.
Without thinking I take her face in my hands and put my lips on hers. It's like what is described in the station books, a firework of sensation, as if I was finally in my place. Breathlessly we part, so I
take my courage in both hands and say:
"Rachel, three weeks ago I didn't lie to you, we've never been friends, I’ve always wanted us to be more.”
At that point, she cuts me off:
Why did you do that”
I look her in the eye
"Because I love you"
There’s a long silence, and she runs away. I admit I didn't expect it, I'm stunned, I don't really realize what just happened. Sadden, I start to head home, as it's the end of school, there are a lot of people in the parking lot of the high school, except Rachel. But as I look around, I see Finn coming like a cannonball before I can think, his fist hit my face Shit! He's got a hell of a right hook. Everyone's looking at us, waiting to see what happens next.
"Why'd you hit me, you idiot! "I growl
"It's all your fault! Rachel dumped me because of you! "he shouts
"What!? What are you talking about?" I said surprised
"Seriously, you've found nothing better than playing innocent! Rachel dumped me and she told me that someone kissed her! You're the only guy who wasn't in class at the time. "He's still screaming
I've never seen him this angry before, and his anger being communicative, I get angry too.
"Listen! I told her what I had to say, Rach' and a big girl, she can make her own decisions. She doesn't belong to you, she doesn't belong to anyone, so if she dumped you, it's not my fault. "I declare
I shut him up, so, proud of myself, I'm going home.
Four days later at the glee club.
Everyone had come in for this week's homework except Finn, Rachel and me. Mr. Shuster arrives late as usual.
"Hey, kids! So who's performing today? "he asks us.
Rachel raises her hand
"All right! You’re with Finn? Aren't you, Rachel?"
"No Mr. Shue, I've changed and now I'm alone"
"It was bound to happen eventually! "commented Santana
Regardless of this remark Rachel stands in the middle of the room and starts to sing:
Everybody needs inspiration
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the nights are long
'cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy
Yeah when my world is falling apart
When there's no light
To break up the dark
That's when I, I
I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home any more
That's when I, I
I look at you
When I look at you
I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am
Like the stars hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I know I'm not alone
Yeah when my world is falling apart
When there's no light
To break up the dark
That's when I, I
I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home any more
That's when I, I
I look at you
You appear just like a dream to me
Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me.
All I need
Every breath that I breathe
Don't you know you're beautiful
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can't find my way home any more
That's when I, I
I look at you
I look at you
Yeah, whoa-oh,
You appear just like a dream to me
There was silence in the room, you could hear the flies flying very clearly, there were so many feelings in the lyrics and nobody not even I, knew who the song was for, I hope of course the song was for me but it would have been so narcissistic. Rach' sung the entire music with her eyes closed and then she opened her eyes again and a tear came out of the corner of her eye. She takes a step forward towards me, I now realize that for once I'm in the front row, she comes closer again and leans towards me. And she puts her lips on mine, I close my eyes to better appreciate this kiss, it seems to last an eternity and the second she steps back I feel a deep emptiness inside of me. I'm confused as to why she did that.
"Why did you do that? "I ask her.
She looks me in the eye and she smiles at me.
"Because I love you.”
