Break up
It had been a sunny day and I was so excited for this wonderful day and weekend ahead. But all seemed to be changing very quickly. When I woke up this morning I had no idea.
“You know I love you right?”
I looked at Jax in utter disbelieve. He was leaning against his old red truck with his arms crossed. His faded ripped jeans hanging low on his hips and a black washed out band shirt. His brown hair was messy as he constantly was going through with his hands.
Well it was usually messy, but it suited him. He had a slight shadow on his face from not having shaved for two days. His green eyes were avoiding looking at me. He kept looking down on the ground and at his feet. His feet moving like he was kicking not existing gravel.
Jax and I had met years ago in school. He was always kind of a bad boy. Girls swooned at him but never dared to get closer to him. Scared of how he really would be. But when we first met, I was surprised.
Someone had ran into me and all my books fell down. He without hesitation started helping me to get all my books back. He even helped me carry them to my locker. I never asked him to do it, but it was just who he was.
That was the day we started talking. The day I saw he was the kindest and most gentle man I have ever met. You would never expect this big guy to be so sweet.
He was believing in me and seeing me. The real me. He was not seeing me and the money of my parents. And this was the one thing which had attracted me to him right away.
During this conversation I noticed he had no idea who my parents were. It was refreshing. Everyone else was always sucking up to me because of what my parents had and what they might be able to get from being friends with me.
He was two years older than me so he left school two years before me. But we still dated. And it worked out. He worked in a garage and was picking me up every day from school. I was amazed that it worked.
He was not bored from being with a school girl, even if he was already the grown up in our relationship.
My parents hated it. They were not pleased with me dating him but I didn’t care. He was wonderful to me. And my grandmother loved him as much as I did. She saw the true Jax and not the outside exterior which only my parents did see. But they never tried to get between us which made it easier on me. They just accepted it even if they were not happy with my choices.
“Yes and I love you. What`s going on?”
Jax was here to pick me up as we wanted to spend the weekend together at the cabin. We had this weekend planned for a while. It was my last weekend before I was going to college and he was staying here. Keep working in the garage.
So we wanted to spend my last days together before I was going and we wouldn’t see each other probably until Christmas. He was not able to come to me and I knew I would have problems with my parents if I would come all the time back home to see him. They would probably cut me short, to not pay for these trips. But we had talked it all through and all was set for me to leave soon.
We decided that we try to do facetime calls everyday if possible. We just had to make the best of it when we see each other.
“I have thought about it for a long time.” He was running his hands through his hair again. He was really nervous.
“What are you talking about? If you don’t want to go to the cabin we can stay here. I don’t care as long as we spend the weekend together. The last weekend for a long time we have..”
“That’s the thing … you are leaving and … we both know what’s going to happen Sweets.”
“And what is going to happen? Because I don’t know what.”
“You will meet all these college guys and you will see what you are missing. What I cannot give you.”
“Excuse me?” I couldn’t believe what he was saying.
“You know this is hard for me. I love you but I want you to experience the world. I will only hold you back. I will bring you down. You need more than me. Someone who can take care of you as I can’t.”
“What do you mean you cannot take care of me? You have been taking care of me for the last four years Jax. I don’t understand what you are saying.”
“I am nothing. I don’t come from your world and we both know when you see the outside world you will resent me that I cannot give you as much as the world outside of this town will give you … as someone else will be able to give you. Someone with more possibilities.”
“Someone with more possibilities? Are you serious right now?” and I took a step back.
I saw him flinch “Yes I am.”
“You seriously throwing this all away? For … for my so called world?” he looked quickly up but not into my eyes and that said it all to me “I cannot believe you … you are throwing us away because you believe I need more then you … and we both know you are talking about having money. Don’t even deny it.”
“Yes we are coming from two different classes Ash. You are fine with it now but once you are hanging out with people from your class at college it will change. You will start to see that you have been missing out on things. Things I will not be able to give to you. And probably never will be able to give to you.”
“I don’t care about money and I am shocked you thing so about me like a gold digger. I thought you know me, I really thought you saw that I don’t give a shit about the money of my parents. That I want to be seen as who I am and you did … well at least I thought you did see this in me. ”
“You know we both would never work out in the long term.”
I laughed dryly “We have for four years Jax! Four Years! I think this has worked out for a long time.”
“Ash you …”
“Don’t!” I raised my hand to stop him “And you know what Jax, I did believe we would. I believed in us as we let no one define us. We didn’t care what others said and saw in us. I really believed you. And now …” I couldn’t stop a sob to escape but I could hold back the tears “Now I … I feel like you never understood me. Did you truly ever love me?”
That finally made him look into my eyes and I saw the shock on his face. He was about to say something but I interrupted him.
“I really don’t want to hear it Jax. I really don’t. If you are breaking up with me because we have to go through a long distance relationship and you think I would be cheating on you or drop your ass … well wonderful. Now you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”
I grabbed my bag which was laying on the ground and walked to the garage where my car was standing.
“Ash please listen to me.” I heard him following me.
“I don’t want to listen to you.” I stopped but did not look at him “Are you breaking up with me? Yes or no?”
“Yes.”
“Then we have said what we need to say. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
With that I walked to my black Mercedes and jumped in it. I drove out the garage and saw him still standing on the grass in front of the house watching me leave.
When I was on the street and sure he couldn’t see me I fully broke out in sobs. I was crying my eyes out and made it to my grandmother. The only one I knew would understand it.
I parked the car really messy in front of her house and got out of it once I knew I was able to speak again. I unlocked the door and closed it.
“Granny!” I yelled.
“Ashley is that you? Shouldn’t you be …” she came down the stairs and saw me. Right away she almost ran to me and pulled me into her arms.
She was a bit smaller then me and was the best woman I had met. She was more like a mother to me then my own was. She understood me. Her brown hair had some grey in it. She wore it short. Her brown eyes were the warmest brown I have ever seen. She was wearing a summer dress. She was simply amazing.
“What happened?” she had guided me to the sofa and sat down. Her hands were holding mine.
I looked at her with tears still streaming down my face. I told her what just transpired a few minutes ago with Jax.
“This cannot be true. He said that?” I nodded crying harder.
She hugged me to her and gave me the comfort I needed.
“I never expected that from him. I thought he was different.”
Then the door bell was ringing.
My Granny got up and walked to the door “I don’t think this is a good idea you being here. You should leave.”
“But I …” it was Jax.
“No Jax, she will need her time. You hurt her a lot and you disappointed me. I really thought you can see around all this. You can see through these masquerades.”
“I did Mrs Castell but ...”
“Now there is no but Jax. Leave please. I need to take care of a broken heart. A heart you broke.”
“Yes Ma’am.”
With that she shut the door and came back to me “I am sorry sweety. I never thought he would hurt you … especially like this. I really thought he was a better man.”
I sighed “I thought so to … I really thought of our future.”
She nodded “I did think it too. I never assumed that he was … like this.” She got up “We will make the best of your last weekend here so that when you go to college you will be smiling and not crying ok?”
“Thanks Granny you are the best.”
She smiled “I know I am.”
So the weekend I spent only at the house of my grandmother. Not even my parents knew I was here. I was not willing to admit what had happened. I knew they would be happy about it. They would celebrate secretly that I was not anymore with Jax. That finally I was able to date someone who was more like the man they thought I needed.
We cooked, we played games, we watched movies. But when I laid in my room in my bed Friday evening I was not able to stop the tears to return. And I allowed myself to cry. I was allowed to cry this night but from Saturday on I would look at the bright side. The things that make me smile. I would leave the tears and hurt behind.
And that it is what I did. No more tears from Saturday on.
So on Sunday I went back to get my things and smiled the whole time. I knew when I was happy my parents wouldn’t ask a thing as they were not interested in my life with Jax. If I would have come home crying I knew that my parents would have been on me right away. Trying to understand what has happened and probably celebrate the break up.
Shortly after that I arrived at college and settled in my apartment my parents bought so I did not had to live in the dorms. Even that I wanted to live in the dorms, this was unacceptable for my parents. It was beautiful as everything they invested their money in.
And so I started my college being single and still trying to be happy about it.
