Feeld
“So I downloaded Feeld again”, I said, leaning back on the sofa, the now warm glass of my iphone a hug against my cheek.
“What the hell is feeld?”
“It’s a dating app. Well, not really a dating app. I personally think it’s more of a hook up app for freaks but I’ve heard from a few people recently that it’s where more people are going for dates instead of Hinge.”
“Ugh god, I’m so sick of Hinge.”
“Oh bitch, I know.”, then a pause, “I had such a weird time with someone on there the other night.”
“Oh you met up?”
“Nah, it was over text. I’m out here looking for a friends with benefits, so I was interested when he was direct about it.”
“Direct?”
“Yeah like he asked if I would be interested in getting eaten out.”
A laugh came from the phone.
“So, we start planning right? Like how we’re gonna meet up, when can this even happen, you know, the logistics.”
“Right, naturally, logistics.”
“Right. Except he starts saying some cringy ass shit that sounds more like a sext and he’s talking about feet and footjobs and how turned on he is. He asks me if I’d be into sending or receiving nudes, which obviously I said no because– ”
“-- Because you hate nudes, I know. I don’t get it–”
“--I know, we’ve been over this. Can I Continue?”
“Alright, alright, go on.”
“So I ask him, are you sexting right now or are we making a plan? And he says a little of both with that corny ass devil smiling emoji.”
“BOOOOOO”
“I KNOW!”
“So what’d you do?!”
“I told him I was more interested in making this plan than sexting.”
“You didn’t tell him you don’t sext either?”
“Nah I already hit him with the no nudes, and like, you know maybe someday I’ll get into sexting. I don’t wanna, like, close the door prematurely.”
“Hahaha, you’re so annoying.”
“So anyways,” I shifted the now hot phone to the other ear, “He kept pedaling all this ‘importance of consent’ crap but was clearly still jacking off to the whole experience. He asks me if I would dominate him. I started feeling like, really uncomfortable. Like, no way this is someone who actually gives a fuck about consent. If you cared you wouldn’t have fucking taken a video of yourself nutting and ask to send it to me.”
“Eww, oh my god he did that?”
“YEAH, but not before asking if he had my ‘permission’ to cum.”
“Noooooooooooooo!”
“I KNOW! As soon as he said all that I was like, how did we get here? What happened to hello? But seriously, I told him I was super uncomfortable.”
“As you should.”
“And he of course did that phony shit where he was like, ‘oh, I’m so sorry BUT I was going off of what YOU were saying’ like it’s somehow my own fault that he didn’t even attempt to check that that was okay after saying all that feminist boy crap.”
“The gaslighting is crazy.”
“Right! So it was so clear that there was no point in continuing to talk to this fucking dude so I blocked him and sent his ass to the graveyard.”
“Bitch, the graveyard?”
“Yeah I’m doing a new bit where when something doesn’t work out with someone, I block them and then change their contact name to the grave marker emoji.”
“Wait, so you add it to the end of their name or–”
“Nah, what reason do I still need to know their name for?”
“El oh el.”tart writing here…
