Down Among Teens

All the ages of my life I’ve lived so far has been destined to be a bitter one for me.

Sometimes i lay to think about it,why it has been so cruel?,why it had to be me?,why i had to be the prey?,why i was created?,why i was in this world?,i mean just why?.

Then after every thought the next thing was the ill feelings..,

I always feel rejected,dejected,frustrated,and what other word have dictionary got?

As the days and years leaped I grew to hate my self.

This hatred was pure,just like the one you would have on your worst pet,cause it always got into trouble or got you into trouble. I really did hate myself.

You would wonder why this came to be ,but to crack the nutshell ,I sometimes wondered why too.

I felt i was the worst person in existence cause people around treated me like one.

I’m good but being nice wasn’t my thing.your first thought would be “what’s the difference “ but i feel like there’s a big difference.even if there’s no difference…it could have been cause of me.

Everything i did was what i had to do ,and when i had to do it ,it was good , but many failed to see the good in everything i did.

Let me remind you lest i forget that,that’s part of my hatred for myself,because this kind of people made me feel inferior and incompetent.

But some people think I’m special,and this set of people are people that aren’t around me,they are people that didn’t know my pain.

Everybody is special! But was I special? Why did this people think i was? Did i really have a potential?

I use to feel that my character cannot be written,cannot be expressed,but can be acted.

My character was me and i am my character in me.

Ridiculously I’ve always chose death over life because I didn’t like the way my life was lived, or i should say I didn’t like the way my life was going about living.

So many times I attempted suicide but crazily none worked.

Maybe my creator didn’t just want me dead,maybe i haven’t fulfilled my purpose on earth.

Lol

But obviously i wasn’t living a life that gave cause to live.

All i wanted was to die and be forgotten.