PSYCHE

November 1st, 2012;

The splash of cold water from the shower cured the edgy nerves, my mind was sharper and my shoulders shuddered and clenched. I reached out for the tap to stop the running water and then climbed out of the small cubicle with my towel secured around my chest.

I had to wipe away the steam left on the bathroom mirror after Elle’s hot bath like I did every other morning, it was basically a part of my routine now. Managing to clean up only part of my reflection, I stepped back and reminisced on what I could see which was only my face and part of my neck.

For a second my heart hammered against my chest as I examined my long chin and my brown skin, it almost felt like I was subconsciously denying my reflection. But another analysis at the prominent hooded eyes that stared back at me and that doubt was promptly extinguished. I found myself chuckling at the very thought and returned to my day giving myself a mental note to cut back on the thriller series I’d been binging.

“So, I was thinking, we’ve been living away from our parents for like a month and half now but we’ve never been to a single party. We should fix that.” Elle, my roommate and kindergarten seating partner suggested as she sipped the chamomile tea I had whipped up ten minutes ago.

“You can’t mean that. What about Dixie’s birthday party we attended last weekend?” Elle scoffed and her pouty pink lips turned up as though I had mentioned road kill in my statement.

“Faith, when I say party, I mean people our age and an unlimited supply of alcohol not soccer moms, a two-year-old and apple juice from sippy cups!” Elle fumed and I slouched in my seat my mind emphasizing on ‘Faith’, the name felt surreal and out of place but it was mine, it’s always been mine.

So why was I suddenly uneasy about it? What’s next, I’ll be questioning my very existence and my purpose in this crappy universe. Give me a break..

Yet again I buried the idea and returned my attention to my roommate’s rambling and nodded along to everything I had missed out on, seventy percent of what she usually droned on about ever interested me.

“That’s great! Sam promised to be a gentleman, you two will make heads turn at tonight’s party!” she squealed, I blinked. “Hold up! Sam the guy that dropped a duce so smelly it killed that lizard in our bathroom, Sam?” I said in one breath while grabbing a bagel from Elle’s plate

“Hey! Don’t act like you weren’t happy that thing died” she said swatting my hand as I reached for another bagel. “Besides, I know you have a huge crush on him, is this because you think he’s out of your league?”

“Please! He’s seen the stuff I doodle in my eco lectures and we rehearse his pickup lines before he ruins another girl’s life, there is no league, also what makes you so sure he’ll ask me out anyway…did he uh hint it or something?” I asked while shoving stuff in my tote bag as nonchalantly as possible, “It wouldn’t take a blood hound to sniff out your bluff. Faith Franklin Kurt, you like him.” She declared with a victorious smile.

“No, I do not!” I hissed before she skipped off to her room and I was left behind in the kitchen. When my eyes found the digital clock in the hall, I snubbed Elle’s words and grabbed my tote bag from the coat rack mounted on the wall in the hall. closing the door behind me, I began to multitask with my smartphone on one hand while the other wedged between my left ankle and my platform sneakers to shove the rest of my foot inside whereas my right arm wriggled to keep the bag from slipping off my shoulder.

I caught the first bus I could spot and fell onto an empty seat. I was out of breath and I hadn’t combed my hair but that was the least of my worries as I logged into my classes’ chat room and saw the announcement of a test in the first lecture. The only thing I ever did in the middle of Dr. Belmont’s lectures was scribble, drawings of what my hair would have looked like if I took better care of it. I had no notes, no references that I could brush through, that could have at least given me the confidence to march into that hall and pick up a pen.

The bus hurled into a sudden stop and the back of my head connected with the metal above my seat. it was a dull pain but its impact was remarkable. A flash of strange images blinded my visions, faces of strangers floated through my mind and the impulse to account for their existence was outweighed by the sharp ringing in my ears. I opened my eyes and swallowed at the eerie experience and a shiver ran through my spine. ‘Is this a creepy version of freaky Friday?’. I refused to entertain that event, that flash, those faces that made my stomach flip because if I did, I’d go mad and I didn’t have time for that. An Economics test awaited, I had bigger fish to fry.

Two hours later, I walked out of the venue holding up the sheet of paper containing the test questions, my eyebrows arched and my lips quivering to suppress a grin. It turns out the test wasn’t anything difficult, everything I had been able to capture from the previous lecture, though very little, had saved my ass. Dr. Belmont was right, attending classes is everything anyone needs to ace a paper. Stuffing the now useless sheet into my tote bag, I waltzed the halls feeling light hearted and putting together a plan to congratulate myself for a breezy test.

Without notice, a hand snaked around my back and hooked my shoulders pulling me into a warm body. I lifted my face to meet a pair of blue deep-set eyes that always seemed to smile at the people they behold. “Faith, you must have rigged that paper, otherwise you wouldn’t be so skippy.” He said and his plump lips cracked into a grin bringing my heart to my throat. Thank the lord for my dark skin, if I kept a straight face no one would notice that my cheeks were heating up as the corners of my mouth struggled not to give in to a pathetic smile.

Samuel Ivo was Elle’s cousin; I’ve had a little crush on him since our first meeting at a diner in the city where we met with some friends to celebrate Elle’s Twentieth birthday. Though I know for sure that this infatuation is merely physical, I do not long for anything serious with the guy, I had made peace with this after discovering his many sexual conquests with the girls in our class. I knew that reality would catch me off guard if I kept seeing him through rose-colored glasses as my leading man who would drop his play boy façade for the sake of a life-time of happiness with me, of all people.

“What can I say? Paying attention to the professor saved my semester.” I replied with my eyebrows raised feeling very much aware of my chest rubbing against his side. “Don’t make me laugh Miss Kurt! I’ve seen your doodles, no one can draw such an accurate wonder woman and still catch up to Belmont’s lullabies.” His eyes were narrowed and still his hands refused to detach themselves from my shoulder. I began to regret getting close to him, emotionally I mean.

We shared the same course and the same classes therefore we saw each other every day and night, when one of the professors itched to extend his lecture till eight in the evening. before Elle’s birthday dinner we had been strangers. He was just another class hottie and I was just another conquest he was yet to secure, after our informal meeting and cheerful introductions he became my roommate’s brother-figure and I became one of his cousin’s best friends.

He started approaching me for group assignments and when he visited our apartment it was his chance to copy my homework and vice versa. Half a semester later we’re sitting together in almost every lecture and he’s asking me for relationship advice for his next invasion. Up until now, we are just friends and I could see it in Elle’s eyes and in the judging faces of the people that spotted us together that one of us would cross that line, soon.

“Then I guess we’ve established that I’m a genius.” He creased up at the statement and pulled away from me. Suddenly I shivered and I could feel my body grieving our physical separation, the cold air replaced his warm embrace as we kept walking down the hall and into our next class.

“Oh, before I forget, Elle asked me to be your escort at tonight’s party. You better be there, I’m absolutely unfamiliar with anyone in the list except for you and her. We both know that she’d be too busy devirginating herself of every college experience to give two shits about me so if you bail, I’ll be lonely” his drill was concluded by pouting lips and inflated pleading eyes, I rolled mine with the full comprehension that with or without my presence, he’d never be lonely at a college party. What girl in their right mind wouldn’t walk up to this hunk of a guy if he were parked alone in a bar stool, five seconds later he’s already introduced to her friends, he’s got a free drink in his hand and a one-night-stand on the ready. It’s basic mathematics.

“You don’t say.” I waved him off as I pushed the door open with my hip to enter the classroom.

By the time we were done with all our sessions, the sun was setting behind city’s towers. I joined Sam and his entourage at the bus stop, mind still stuck in the concept of attending my first unchaperoned party with my peers where I will have unsupervised access to all sorts of liquor. I’ll admit that I’m a cagey person, I like to keep to myself mostly and if I get forlorn, then the companionship of not more than three will do just fine. I stood behind Sam’s slightly hunched back thinking of a way to escape him and Elle without disappointing them. There had to be a good excuse, anything that could save me from the pending disaster that awaited us in three hours. Yes, the party would be a disaster, they always are; either we’ll witness it or we’ll be a part of it.

I flinched when my phone buzzed in between my palms, I wasn’t subtle enough to keep Sam from turning to look at me over his slumped shoulder. To ignore the concerned blues that shimmered with the fading rays, I focused on the hood of a Range Rover parked a few yards from our stop as I placed the phone against my ear. I had been too flustered by the handsome view standing before me that I didn’t make time to check the caller ID before I uttered the rushed ‘hello.’

“Faith where are you?” a familiar voice hissed and I blinked.

“Ria, my classes just ended, I’m headed to my apartment.” I spoke too loudly and the small group posted around me stole quick glances in my direction. I decided to step aside and lower my voice, “Is there something wrong?”

“Well…now wait a second, why is your first instinct that something is wrong? You speak as if I only dial your number for emergencies.” She carped. If there was a dollar for every time I rolled my eyes, I would drop this college charade and move to Dubai. Ria was our house help and she’s been around since I was a toddler, she practically raised me. when I got my first phone after I turned thirteen, she saved my number and since we saw each other every other day, we never really had anything to say to each other over the phone, so she only called when there was a problem. I couldn’t blame her, where she came from, no news is good news.

“Alright Ria. How are you doing? What’s the good news?” I played along raising my shoulders. “That’s more like it! Well, I’m fine and I recently got a perm. Also, your mother collapsed this afternoon and I’m waiting for the results of her operation, we’re at the down town Delta clinic, see you soon.” The line went dead before I could react. “Fuck!” there were no better words to express what I felt. I quickly turned to check if anyone heard me and no one did or maybe they were just pretending to be deeply engrossed with their phones, except for Sam who caught my shifty gaze. He couldn’t have heard me with his Bluetooth head phones on especially with the way they were always turned up to a hundred, but he read my somber expression and tilted his head with his hand raised as if to ask if I was ok.

I pursed my lips and gave him a thumbs up then unlocked my phone to call an uber. My mother’s sudden hospitalization would be a great excuse to bail tonight’s bash especially because it was very much real.

“Where are you going?” his text popped up after I dived into the white sedan, so he saw. “My mom is in the hospital.” I replied. The floating dots below my reply appeared and disappeared and it took him five minutes to find the right words to say. He was probably thinking of something witty and consoling, not too witty that he wouldn’t sound heartless or made him look like he took pleasure in my misfortune and not too consoling to throw me into a whirl pool of negative thoughts. That’s what I would be thinking if he was in my place.

“Today must be opposite day if thumbs up mean leave me alone, my parent is hospitalized…but then again, I hope your mom is fine and I’ll understand if you couldn’t make it to the party.” The text popped up as the uber swerved into an intersection. I cringed when I read it, shame drove me to shove my phone into the depths of my bag. Thanks to the worry in my mind, I couldn’t relish in the awkwardness of that thumbs-up situation, I hoped that this wasn’t a recreation of those dramas where a child discovers that her parent was suffering from a terminal illness because God that would be so cliché.