Letters

Dear A****,

I can’t get you out of my mind, darling. You’re always on my thoughts, even though I don’t know where you are. You invade my dreams, appearing to me even in a feverish haze. Amidst the blur, you remain the only thing that stands out.

I have an intense desire to make it to the end, as I am fully aware that you are the final individual whom I will earnestly attempt to become acquainted with. It’s unbelievable how I feel, despite the distance between us. You hold such significance in my life that it’s hard to put into words. This intense emotion is almost overwhelming and a bit unsettling. I find myself questioning why you have such a profound effect on me. It’s difficult to comprehend this deep longing I have for you. Since you cut me out, each day feels unbearable, and I’m consumed by feelings of worthlessness and despair. I can’t help but feel undeserving of the basic necessities like food, rest, contentment, and happiness. It has become painfully clear to me that I believe, deep in my heart, that I am unworthy of any respect or love. I allow others to disrespect me and treat me however they please, always striving to please everyone. Do you ever crave a sense of purpose? Perhaps, I am uncertain.My emotions spiral downwards, dragging my mental well-being and physical health down with them. It’s a silent battle that remains hidden from the world, leaving me to wonder if one day I’ll cease to wake up.

If you’re not present, if you’re not responding, why should I keep pushing myself day after day to appear normal, only to face rejection again? What’s the purpose of waking up each morning, knowing that I’ll be consumed by the same relentless emotions? Perhaps, for the sake of my mother – she truly deserves a son who is far greater than I am. I am utterly exhausted from striving without knowing what else I can do to transform and become the person I am meant to be. I possess an abundance of potential, and I am constantly striving to improve myself and become an exceptional son, student, and individual. However, I find myself confronted with the unpleasant reality of who I currently am, a bitter individual who seems destined to remain unchanged. Does my future hold nothing but misery and unhappiness? My efforts to be kind and assist others are certainly meaningful to God.

I extend my heartfelt prayers from the depths of my troubled thoughts. I acknowledge that there are individuals who hold you dear, who deeply care for you, and who regularly engage with you. I am aware that my prayers may not hold significant weight, as I am a stranger to you. However, please understand that you hold great importance in my life.

Hence, I offer my prayers for you. I assure you, it is not an attempt to absolve myself or regain your trust so that we may communicate once more. I acknowledge the futility of such hopes. I cannot envision any action on my part that would sway your perspective.

Kind regards, T****

P.S. Nothing useful here, but make sure you read it.