The future lies in his hands - summary

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Summary

So I'm still doing matric and I wrote what I believe is a good story. I honestly just want a feed back of what I could of done to improve or rather gain more marks I geuss

Genre
Other/Mystery
Author
Maxvdm
Status
Complete
Chapters
1
Rating
n/a
Age Rating
18+

The future lies in his hands

The sun is glistening through the smog ,lighting up the city that was flourished, Jack takes the alleyway seeping back into the darkness. Jack is pleased he has become used to the stench of the overgrown wall's that the smog of the factorys has tainted. He stumbles towards the backdoor of the building but swiftly and silently goes in an peeps through the bullet holes that wounded the building and he watches as the fog, that penetrates his lungs with ash, roll in.


He carefully walks through the hallway listening to the hag, who disturbs his peace, gawking at the front door as the other neighbors crawls inside. He reaches his room disdainfully throwing his jumpsuit on the bed leaving behind a one legged man. He glances at a letter that sponged up the stain on the mouldy floor. He is first astounded by the freakishly neat handwriting but then questions what Rosaline ,his colleague , ment about a child. He remembers all the children were vanquished during the great war and abruptly stares at the torn off camera that the government falsified as security. He brings the letter to the flickering light on the table and studies the words carefully. Jack laughs at the idea of a child surviving in the barren lands before the rusty generator powers off and ends his day


At midnight jack's door came crashing open while a hunched figure came through. Jack takes his lamp and shines the floor revealing two bodies one of that of Rosaline with an open cut on her stomach and the other of a body of a young girl with Scarlet hair that makes Jack lightheaded. Rosaline tremblsly sits her dying body up and glances at Jack and without a word,only just by showing him the kid; He knew immediately what to do.


He swiftly packs his bags as if he has done this many times. He slips his makeshift knife into the pocket bolted to his false leg and grabs the asleep child and gives a nod to Rosaline to reassure her before her limited breathes are used up. He ran so fast, faster than he ever done during the war, going at the breach in the iron wall that separates his country from the others. Luckily the wall was seemingly close to where he lived but he never dared to pass it till today. He reaches the breach of the wall and carefully protects the young girl as he traverses the Fields of razor wire that supposed to patch the wall.


Young Julia wakes up in the morning and sees she is being held by an old man painted in cut's and is missing a leg but is steadily running along a path. She turns her head seeing a camp crowded by people up ahead. A tear is seen rolling across her dusty skin leaving snail trail behind as she knew she was finally safe.