Wedding Deadlines

“Do you think it makes sense that I raped Jamie?”

The caramel macchiato she hadn’t yet swallowed spilled out of Thalia’s mouth. “Are you still sane?”

“Of course, don’t worry.” I waved her hand.

“The problem is, why on earth would you want to rape Jamie? He’s a man and your boyfriend, for God’s sake.”

“Yeah, I just thought of that.”

“Seriously, why’s it such a big deal? You two have been intimate and have slept together, so does that have any effect at all?”

“I just thought of that method. It might be effective for our relationship.”

“I mean, you and Jamie have been swapping socks and sharing Netflix accounts for ages now. Does that not count for something?”

“Yes! It means I want him to share my Wi-Fi password for life,” I exclaimed dramatically. “I have to marry him.”

“Oh, right! Marriage! I momentarily forgot how you’ve turned into a wannabe bridal magazine.” Thalia clutched her chest as she gasped for breath. I suspected her asthma was on the rampage.

“It’s called relationship goals.”

“Okay, relationship goals. But does it have to be marriage?”

“Then what do you think the goals of a relationship are, if not marriage? Breakup?” I refused to back down.

Thalia rolled her eyes, as if she had some sort of understanding of my words. “You know what? You’re right. There’s no point in a relationship if it’s going to end.”

“There you go! You finally understand why I want to marry Jamie soon?”

I blinked several times and looked at Thalia. I expected my close friend to nod in agreement. But to my dismay, Thalia shook her head.

“I still don’t get it. Sorry.”

I sighed. After such a long explanation, how could Thalia not understand my intention? I rubbed my temples. But I also did not understand myself for being friends with Thalia, who was slow in matters of love.

“Chantal!”

“Let’s eat some more. That way you’ll be healthy and…”

“And what?”

So that we can have a real conversation.

But I swallowed my words with a shake of my head. “Never mind,” I said.

“I understand why you want to marry Jamie,” Thalia remarked.

I widened my eyes. Thalia had gotten the gist of my speech - a miracle. Well, God, thank you for making Thalia so smart all of a sudden.

“What do you think?” I asked.

“Well, it’s not that complicated. You have to wait for Jamie to propose.”

Okay, I took back my statement. Thalia didn’t get any wiser. “You know he’s slow, right?”

“You can’t wait for him to propose?”

“He’ll be a grandfather before that happens.”

“But have you told him?”

“I’ve dropped hints countless times, but he still doesn’t get it,” I replied.

“How did you drop the hints?”

I thought for a moment, trying to remember. “I took him to a furniture store and wandered through the kitchen section for young couples.”

“And then?”

“He thought the stove in my apartment was broken and wanted to replace it.”

“Anything else?”

“I often hold hands or get close to small children when I’m with him.”

“Why?”

“To let Jamie know that I want to have children soon, Thalia. I want to be a mom.”

“So that he will propose soon?”

“Yes, you got it. Finally, you’re smart,” I teased.

“Did the little one cry or not?” Thalia asked, playing with her fork.

I thought for a moment. “Yes, the child cried.”

“Either Jamie thinks you’re a pedophile or you have the potential to be a kidnapper,” Thalia said.

I rolled my eyes in disbelief when I heard Thalia’s absurd accusation. “How rude!”

“Who knows what goes on in someone’s head? Maybe Jamie thinks like that, right? Or you can try to take him to a bed shop and drop some hints again!” Thalia shrugged, as if her accusation had been as trivial as a pizza order.

“So what should I do? Should I force myself on Jamie?” I asked.

“It won’t work. Even if you are pregnant, Jamie may not want to take responsibility. Lots of girls get pregnant without being married, you know?” Thalia replied.

I nodded in agreement. Thalia’s answer was correct. If I dared to go to Jamie’s apartment to defile the young man, what could I ask of him? If things went wrong, I could be charged with sexual harassment. Instead of going straight to the altar, I could end up in jail. It was unfair. If men could force women to marry them by getting them pregnant or whatever, why couldn’t women do the same? It’s because women can become pregnant and men can’t.

“And if you still insist on forcing Jamie to do it,” Thalia went on, “Jamie will enjoy it. Even Jamie would want to be raped again. If you get married, he’ll treat you like a one-night stand.”

I had been playing with my tongue and the saliva in my mouth when I suddenly choked. A bed buddy? Okay, that was hot and shocking. This fact surprised me even more than Thalia’s sudden appearance of unexpected wisdom.

“Do I have to kidnap Jamie and marry him? Then when he wakes up we’ll be husband and wife?” I wondered aloud.

“That wouldn’t be a legal marriage, Chantal!” Thalia pointed out.

“I know. So what am I supposed to do?” I asked, feeling lost.

If only there were a guide to the most effective ways to get a partner to propose marriage. Then I would be on the market for it. Or a guide to a marriage that would remain valid no matter what. Even if the future spouse was absent or unconscious? It wasn’t as if I wanted to make Jamie faint and then go to the courthouse to register our marriage.

“You cannot force Jamie yet, right?” Thalia confirmed.

I shook my head. “No.”

“The only option is for you to wait for Jamie to propose,” Thalia suggested.

“But until when?” I replied.

“Well, I don’t know. That’s up to you two to figure out,” Thalia replied.

“If I wait for Jamie, the end of the world will come before he proposes!” I grumbled.

I nodded several times. I wanted to walk down the aisle soon, but I couldn’t force my boyfriend to marry me right away. Maybe Thalia didn’t quite understand why I was in such a hurry to get married. But at my age, past the ripe old age of thirty, there was always pressure from my family for marriage. And I had other reasons to get married as soon as possible, but I couldn’t tell Thalia.

I took a deep breath and played with my tiramisu with the tip of my fork. Unfortunately, there was no shortcut to the altar, and I couldn’t get married on my own.

“If you can’t force Jamie to propose, how about you propose to him first?” Thalia suggested.

I, who had been picking at my tiramisu with my fork, looked up. “Propose to Jamie?” I asked.

“Yeah, why not? Go ahead, propose to him first,” Thalia repeated.

“But do I have to go that far?” I pondered.

“Well, it makes more sense than trying to force Jamie to propose. Besides, it’s the age of emancipation. Who knows, maybe Jamie was too afraid to talk to you about it. Or maybe he hasn’t found the right moment, so he keeps putting it off. If you take the initiative, he might agree right away,” Thalia reasoned.

I nodded again. That made sense. If Jamie’s proposal was nowhere in sight, it might be a brilliant idea to ask the young man to marry me first. I had to try. After all, it’s no longer taboo for a woman to declare her love first. So the question of proposing or asking someone to marry me shouldn’t be a problem if I make the first move.