In quest for love

My Dearest Diary - Journal entry by Ma-thousand Maya Yandiswa Mata

I saw him 01 November ’16 and we spoke for a while outside. Sort of goofing around. One thing I have in my mind is how much he made me laugh. I was laughing from my belly. I just couldn’t get over fact that it was great to laugh with him. He spoke his silliness and was inviting me over but I had taken decision that I have to stay holy especially now with the new church I am in. I need to serve God. So I realized it is time I tell him. I have heard from the Lord for some time now. I just kept saying “I have something to tell you” It was really hard to say it. He kept giving clues like thinking it could be something bad. I plucked enough courage and told him. This is what the Lord has told me. “that he will marry me one day and he just doesn’t know it yet. That God told me to make him a Christian home and that He will bless him because of me. He grinned ear to ear whether was relief that I was not breaking up with him or disbelief? I really can’t say. So he asks. Who told me, is it church? I said God did. Then he asks how can then he not have what is his? I told him about wedding night, honey moon and how special I want it to be for us. Still he was disappointed that we have to wait and honor God. He tried to convince me and we normally like teenagers struggle and push and use plenty resistance.I remember there was a guy outside and he wondering why are they so happy cause man we were jus having a good time. A good old laugh and with no care in the world. Eventually he accepted, he said it is the 5fth time I am doing this to him. First he didn’t want kiss me, then we kissed goodnight and I went home. Yesterday whole day we didn’t speak and this morning 03rd Nov 16 he surprised us from the back and covered Em’s eyes. He seemed happy to see us. We were all rushing to work and he said let me see if I have some money at atm. So I wasn’t sure should we wait? At the corner from our street, I realized that he gave my daughter R10, so I thought that was it and I asked what she wanted she said.SIMBA chips, she has been preaching to me. As in wondering does mom know what is Simba chips cause she jus buys these cheap stuff.

I actually know and what I normally tell her is my job is to keep you fed, and a roof over your head. If I can’t afford fancy stuff please bear with me. So I said yes, I will buy her. As we were walking away Mendi whistled at us and we were walking toward each other and he gave us R50, Now this is the part that just touched my heart. He could have just walked away seeing we didn’t get him. He could have told us another day but I feel this is what makes me keep falling for this man over and over “ his sincere heart” small thing make a world of difference to me. And he said “kiss” I closed my eyes and small kiss on the lips and we were off. I glanced back as he was rushing off. Wondering does he realize how much I care? I just keep seeing all the reasons why I fell for him that cold June day. What I did with money was I realized I haven’t paid creche yet and I couldn’t even put in my bag I handed it over to the teacher. They have been good to us, they said when I told of our situation, what ever we can give they will accept. I couldn’t be selfish with the money I didn’t even have waking up this morning. I realized for the people who take such great care of my litlle one. I needed to share the litlle I have with them. To sort of say thank you.

To be honest I thought from yesterday this could be it. It could be end of Mathousand and Mendi. But he was jus total opposite when he saw us. As a breath of fresh air if I may say…I am a mess with emotions so I find a tear or two running down my face. Thinking this man makes me so happy. It is hard to explain but in life there is normally that one thing that makes you to be at peace. I feel that is the thing I am talking about in this relationship of me and my Mendi. Here is another thing. I have always rushed relationships but this one is different, I feel God is in charge of it, and days in time we would go quite. Or Mendi would try to call me and God would be talking to me and I have to obey. I will tell you more about this (Rushing issue) at a later stages of my posts.

Until another post. Thank you for reading and hope it inspires you even in a small way