Day 109 of feeling hopless
Im not okey but im better im not self harming (at the moment at least) I havent self harmed i the past 2 weeks. And yes the scars on my thighs are fading.
But i dont know how long this will last. I pulled an all-nighter last well not really im running on 1hr of sleep 3 cups of strong coffee, and a rice krispy.
i feel faint and deatached ......but of course no ones noticed i hide it well...i smile and laugh but there fake.
Its fine tho..(not really i wish someone would say no your not fine)...when people ask how i am i say "fine" or just "tired".
Ive gohsted most my freind am trying really hard not gohst the rest im so stressed and feel i need to create art...but i suck at art i prefere to burn things paper, my carpet, my desk, my thighs.
i hope that anyone who reads this will not feel sympathy for i do not want it. I am strong, i am brave, i am a lier.
i truely hope none of you will ever have to suffer like me, i am worthless, hopeless, unwanted, and often think of new creative way of suicide and running away.....you know ive always wanted to run away and join the circus forget my worries, you know, pretend like 5 of my sibiling arnt dead and my dad isnt a alcholic
Oct 6th 2023
things are better dads getting help for his problems....well not counting a few weeks ago when he texted the family say hes had enough and told us to take what of his we wanted
ha your probaly think no your not fine your fucked up and mentally unstable and hell right i am.....sybject change did you know im obsessed with kpop well mostly bts and skz.. its sad really having no other scorece of happiness.
my sisters dont like me well one thinks im a bad aunt while the other hates me for being unable to cope with my emotions and yelling at her baby to stop crying.
my brothers hate me to one thinks im amonster an absolute freak a heathen, another hates me cause im 1 year older ,and the last one well he dont count hes rarly around anyway.
oh do you want see some drawing of bts well here let me bless your eyes
this ones skz but what ever
i love this new way of expressing myself in steadvof cuttingbor burning my sel i write poems want to hear one....dont care if u do or dont u get to anways.
i am not the sun for i do not shine I am not the moom for i will never have light to guied you I am not the star for i am to weak and nimle to last forever. I am the shadows for i am quiet ,locked on to a person i now not if alive or dead I am the shadows the darkness that hides behinde each smileing face tHe darkness that creeps in the happiest hearts. In fact i am a demon lost alone and. afraid I AM THE SHADOWS.
ANYONE else find this relatable if so i feel bad for you know you are loved and cared for you are worthy(unlike me) you deserve to be blessed andnkept safe
