Chapter 1: Remember
I hate stories about love.
Love is something you can have for free.
They say Love is Sacrifice, Love is Forever, Love is trust, love is Faith
But sometimes that Faith, that trust, that sacrifice isn't needed in life.
Stories of death, of betrayals, of one's pain.
those were the real signs of life.
That is why, those love stories won't be the most beautiful thing in my life.
"Hailey!"
Her name is the last word that I remember when she decided to turn her back on me.
I even tried to shout at the top of my lungs just to make to turn your back on me.
I even remember the exact last words you said to me.
"Your Love is too heavy, It's too tiring to carry."
Just when I tried everything. I once fantasized about a place where I can call it home and you are there. I thought that what I have for you is enough to make you realize, that everything is going what I plan in life.
But Love is different from Home. And you make me realize it.
After 3 years
YUAN**
"Hey, Lee Yuan! The sun has already risen up. What are your plans?"
I wake up with my particular alarm, and It's annoying.
"Lee Ren. Can you just wake up on your own and don't be a freak that annoys me in the morning?"
This guy is sure a hell of a bother than a brother. I even tried to live on my own to make sure that I can live on my own but this guy is just clinging onto me.
"It's because I care brother besides, I can't let you be in the dark again right?"
Right.. it's just been a week since I tried to get out of that hell. It's been 3 years since I tried to hide deeply in the dark. I never thought that even the Home I think is a safe zone would become hell.
I am Lee Yuan, is this the right time to introduce myself? I am the son of a loving father and a devil who hides herself as a mom.
Three years ago, that devil was the reason why my life of fairytales became a life full of nightmares. She controlled everything that I had and everything that I tried to have. When I was at my lowest, she tried to comfort me. She became my shoulder that I can have in the darkest times.
But two weeks ago I accidentally heard her friends talking about me. She just talked about how three years ago became a total nightmare. And since I trusted her so much I talked to her with the hopes that what I heard was not true.
"I will only believe you Mom more than anyone else. So please tell me that those rumors were all lies."
But she just replied with a silent treatment. And then my concept of family, of home, were all gone.
After that, I pack all of my things and storm to the entrance of that hell. I don't have any plans. What I only have is the savings I kept since I was a student.
"You are a MONSTER. Don't ever call yourself a Mother. "
As I walk out of the house my younger brother goes with me. he didn't even ask where will I go or what will I do. He just follows me wherever I go. and When I am tired of walking He holds my wrist and asks for food. I didn't even know that I was hungry all I did was cry while walking.
After 2 days of staying in an apartment, he said that we should rent a house. And how to pay the rent? Well, It's all mine to shoulder.
"Hey brother how's the job hunt?" Ren asked.
I looked at him with a glaring stare.
"Don't ask.."
As I shoulder our expenses, I tried to look for work. But since it's been 3 years since I tried to go outside. I felt uncomfortable. It felt like I had an illness that I found people disgusting.
I can't trust them, that is what is in my head every time I get an interview. And not surprisingly I get rejected every time.
"I'll go out to buy something, is there anything that you like to eat later?"
The moment I asked him, the dog in my house became a rabbit. I feel I'm puking.
"WATERMELON!!!!!"
Before I head out I got my cap and a face mask on. This is how I get out. It is still hard for me to walk on the street. If you're gonna ask if I was in an accident, NO! I just broke up. I broke up with the girl I love for more than 9 years. And I think an anxiety trigger that makes me uncomfortable going outside.
After buying the watermelon and everything that I needed I stand under the stoplight. Three years ago I also stood on the sidewalk. That time I felt that everything was crumbling down.
I was at the lowest of my life and even thinking of ending everything up. It felt like death would give me the peace that I needed. That time I wanted to end everything when my brother held my hand and pulled me back to the sidewalk. He cried with me in the street like idiot.
While I was being nostalgic, a lady behind me screamed loudly. It's not that that I was surprised but before I turn my head back a girl in white walks beside me. The stoplight for cars is still on the green.
From the moment her hair blew by the wind I saw her eyes full of sadness. It was on the brink of crying and looking for comfort. Those eyes remind me how death will make a peaceful place and a hell for the living.
It's not that I care if she looks for that place. But as that moment flashes back to me, before I knew it, I grab her hands. I lost my grip on the watermelon and used all my strength to pull her back. When I successfully pulled her I didn't have the strength to keep my position and fall my back to the ground. I tried to hold her in my arms as we fell down. It's painful. But I guess that's what I get from being a nosy one. While I am still groaning on my back the girl get back up and ask me angrily.
"YOU! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"
I wanna say some sarcastic things while she is screaming but the moment I look in her eyes the sadness that she had became eyes of hopes. Those eyes which is looking for comfort and peace became eyes of thankfulness.
As I got up I ask her if she was okay. I look on the smashed watermelon on the ground. And as a sigh comes out from me I think I need to clean it.
"YOU! WHAT THE FU** IS YOUR PROBLEM WHY DIDN"T YOU LET ME JUST LAY TO REST!! WHY DO I NEED TO BE IN DEBT TO...."
This girl is really annoying. As I cleaned the watermelon I look at her and repeat some words from my brother at that time.
"Idiot. I didn't help you for you to be alive. You have the hope in your eyes. Its just hiding on your sorrows."
As I said it the girl looked at me shocked.
"If you wanna go to the other side wait for the stoplight, that light will let the cars stop so you can cross. Don't be an Idiot who thinks like life is a matter of life and death. Live your life without regrets then when you wanna lay to rest I won't stop you. As I said your eyes have the hope."
After I said it I turn around and walk towards the store where I bought the watermelon. Ren will be annoying if I didn't get a watermelon back home. I left the girl there standing in on the sidewalk.
When I reached the store there is a line in the cashier. Dammit , I took the watermelon and stand in the line. After I paid the watermelon I walk towards home. But when I thought that my day is already disturb, the girl from the morning is still on the sidewalk not standing but sitting beside it. I stand beside her since I need to cross the road. A silent stare from her reached my face like there is something on it. I don't wanna talk to her. Lets end this day with a sleep.
As the cars stops on the signal of the stoplight, I walk on my way across the street, then the girl stops me by holding on to my hand. I looked at her and she looks like someone who doesn't know how to talk.
"Sigh.. What do you want? Need assistance on on walking across the street? "
As I ask her, she simply answered me with a nod while being amused. The hell is wrong with this day? First there is a dog waiting at home now there is a girl who looks like a cat begging for cat food on the street.
She hold onto my shirt as we walk across. While walking, I caught her looking at me the whole time. When we reached the other side of the street She still clinging onto me. When I looked at her she is still looking at me like a child the got lost in Neverland. You know the Peter Pan thing Neverland.
"You can let go of my shirt now."
Since its been 2 minutes since we are standing still in the sidewalk I annoyingly asked her to let go. As I ask her she looked me from head to toe. She looks like scanning me like a caught thief or something.
"I'm....... hungry"
A growl on her stomach just fly out from her to me. Then she looked at the watermelon that I am holding. I wanna left her here. This is getting more annoying day.
"My house is not far from here. I got a dog I need to feed. If you want you can eat there with us."
" A Dog?"
I don't wanna argue anymore its getting tiring more and more. I started to walk so if she will follow me then Its all on her. Before we reached home Ren called me with a fucking tone of a cute rabbit than a dog.
"Brother where are you? It's almost dark. Have you get the watermelon? How bout dinner?"
This dog...
"I am on my way home there is a cat following me so be sure to keep your leash."
After I got home I look behind to see if the cat is still following, and fu** she is there wagging her tail.. She looked at me and ask me if we are there. I just nodded as an answer. I tried to walk on different path so that I can lost her but she is still behind and following.
As I opened the door, Ren rushed to me while looking for something.
"So where is the cat? let me see, let me see.!! Eh?"
As soon as she see the girl behind me he suddenly wanna ask me so many things. Now how should I introduce a cat to a dog.
"Dog this is cat... Cat this is Dog."
After the introduction they look at me with eyes full of questions. Before they yell at me I walk through the kitchen to get the food ready. I am already tired of walking, standing, and making some annoying explanations. I wanna rest. Since Ren doesn't know how to cook, He doesn't even let me a hand to help in the kitchen all he does is clean the house and stay on guard.
YES! GUARD THE HOUSE LIKE A DOG!
I keep the dinner as simply as possible so that we can eat already. When its time to eat, I look for them and they are just sitting there looking at each other awkwardly. Its like there will be war between Cats and Dogs if one of them open a conversation.
"CAT, DOG! Lets eat."
They stand really awkwardly and eat awkwardly. Its peaceful when I am eating but this two are in a war on their own.
After we eat I wanna try to open a conversation but the timing seems not right so as I stand up I got all the dishes done and let them stare and guard the table.
Its already 10 minutes of silence in the table. I wanna sleep already.
"Ren! I will go to sleep. I am already tired so show the cat the way out."
"ROGER!"
"Wait!"
As I stand up the cat seems to wanna say something. And I felt its not gonna be a good thing.
"Let me sleep here for tonight. Also I am not a cat, I am Shen Yu."
Too late for introductions. Just as I thought that the day is already over here comes another problem. I'm already tired and I don't wanna argue anymore.
"Sigh... You can sleep on my room. I'll sleep with Ren."
"Eh? Why mine why don't you sleep with your cat! Tss.. You already called me a dog and then you brought a cat home, now you wanna sleep with me?"
"I'm already tired. I'll sleep on the couch."
After that I just get a pillow and so I can sleep already. Before Ren say anything Shen Yu just go to my room without saying anything. At last I can sleep. In the morning I cooked some food for breakfast.
" I have to go out to look for work. Guard the house well Ren."
"Yes Sir! Be safe out there."
"Work?"
We look on Shen Yu as she said that. I know I don't look like someone on a verge of financial crisis but I need work. But its still hard for me to have a conversation with people.
"Just eat."
After we eat I get ready to go out . I got my resumes on my bag and suit for on spot interviews. Shen Yu also stares at me while walking outside. Then we arrive at the stoplight.
"First I wanna thank you."
She just thank me without looking.
"Sure."
"I mean it I'm sorry for barging in your flat. The food are delicious its the first time someone didn't say anything after I make some request after sometime now.. So thank you so much."
I looked at her as she say her thanks on the floor. What a headache. I face towards her and holds her face so she can look at me.
"In saying thanks, look at the persons eye. That way you won't be a rude woman."
I don't wanna tell anyone what to do, but this girl is no basic manners. As the light goes stop for the cars I walk towards across the street. She just stay still there looking at me. I guess she won't need to cross the street to go home.
"THANKS AGAIN, LEE YUAN!!!!"
As I reached the other side I looked at her and wave a goodbye. I don't want to be bothered anymore. I'll just think about todays agenda. Looking for a Job.
Wait … How did she know? Did I tell her my name?
