THE SWINGERS Book Five-Nursery Ryhmes

Nursery Rhymes

So, I will pose this question; when someone is going to pay you two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand dollars for a night of sex, are you obligated to do everything in your power to give that someone value for money?

The night of sex was booked in for the sixteenth of November, and the someone who was going to pay me was a filthy rich middle-aged guy named Brad Knight, and he just happened to be married to Samantha. I’d spent a single mind-blowing afternoon with Samantha, the afternoon full or searing passion and decadent sex, so I hated her … kind of … I think.

I was usually decisive and confident, yet my feelings for Samantha Knight confused the shit out of me.

Did I hear someone ask, Who the fuck is this person?

Well inquisitive person, I am Maddie King, and I am an Infallible Legend!

I’m decisive and confident, and I’m also gorgeous, shapely, desirable, intelligent, sociable, witty, wise, sexy (just quietly, I could easily take up another paragraph highlighting my attributes, but maybe I need to examine the confused feelings I have for Samantha Knight).

How do I feel about the Old Cow? My feelings could best be summed up with four succinct words, Fucked if I know.

I thought about her all the time, couldn’t get her out of my mind, because she had the face to launch TEN thousand ships, had a body that vain and attention seeking girls dreamt about, and she was pleasant, sociable and intelligent, so I’m sure you can understand why a part of me hated her guts.

Being a vain and attention seeking kinda gal myself, I’m not unfamiliar with the emotion of jealousy, I mean every time I see a chick who’s marginally more attractive or sexier than me, my Little Green Jealously Demon flares, although when I first saw the outrageously attractive Samantha Knight, my Little Green Jealously Demon threw her hands up in defeat and muttered despairingly, Okay, that’s it, I give up!

What a fucking bitch Samantha was, I mean how dare she chase my Little Green Jealousy Demon away!

My Jealousy Demon used to be an important part of my overall psyche, because the Demon kept me focussed and competitive, and I used to thrive on being competitive and combative, so I sensed I would become a lesser being if I lost the ability to be jealous of someone. I used to think my Jealousy Demon was tough and resilient, yet my Jealousy Demon takes one look at Samantha Knight, then she packs her bags and slinks off to wherever GUTLESS little Jealousy Demons slink off to.

My Jealousy Demon had scampered away in defeat, leaving me to face Samantha Knight all by myself, and unfortunately, I knew that after I saw the Old Cow again, I’d hate her even more, because the disastrous truth was … I couldn’t wait to see her again.

I suspected she knew she was fucking with my mind and psychologically torturing me, and that’s why the bitch wanted to see me again. Our objectives in meeting again were completely different, I mean I wanted to see her because I couldn’t stop thinking about her, yet I’m sure she wanted to see me so that she could continue the psychological torture.

So, I’m sure you’ll agree that the phrase Fucked if I know, is a suitable summation of my feelings for this Ancient Cow who had the ability to terrify Jealousy Demons.

Anyway, her husband was going to pay me 250G to hump me all night, although he wouldn’t be humping me behind her back, because Samantha had actually organised this whole thing, and besides, she was going to be there.

If a lazy chick was getting 250G for a night of sex, the lazy chick might say to Brad, I’ll get naked, I’ll spread my legs, and I’ll just lie down and let you fuck me as many times as you want, and I dunno, are you okay if I flick through my messages while you’re fucking me?

But I wasn’t a lazy chick, I was a very organised and motivated young woman, and I knew that I couldn’t just lie there all night and get fucked as if I was nothing more than a blow-up doll.

I was an Infallible Legend, and I had a reputation to uphold. If some filthy rich guy was going to pay me a suitcase full of money, I didn’t want him telling his wealthy friends, She’s gorgeous, but it was just like fucking a blow-up doll … I wanted him to tell his wealthy friends, She’s sensational, she’s the ravishing and mysterious sexual Temptress that all middle-aged men fantasize about, and it was one of the best nights of my life!

To give him his monies worth, I would become actively engaged, and if during the night he tried to dominate me, I would allow him to, because he was paying for the privilege. Being who I am though, at times during the night I would try and dominate him, and maybe that would give him a thrill, So Mr Knight, brace yourself, because I’m coming back at you Boy …

But his wife, his fucking wife was going to be there, and she was such a fucking bitch. During my heated and entirely sexual afternoon with Samantha, I was jealous, tense, agitated and envious, yet she was nice, friendly, lovely and pleasant, and I mean how bitchy is that? If you hook up with someone who is on the same level of Hotness as you, a person SHOULD be jealous, tense, agitated and envious while you fuck each other, so like what the Hell, what was wrong with this Wealthy Snob Idiot?

Admittedly, I wanted her to be there on the Big Night, it was one of my conditions before I agreed to this bizarre proposal; and yes, you might be thinking why did I want her there if I hated her so much? And that is a reasonable question, although the answer is complicated.

Some people who know me might whisper behind my back, Hmmm, Maddie King, yes I know her, and she’s a vain, self-absorbed, arrogant bitch … but I wasn’t, or maybe I was … a bit, I mean that’s complicated as well; but nobody has ever called me a vain, self-absorbed, arrogant bitch to my face, and that’s probably a blessing, because if somebody did have the guts to front me and call me a vain, self-absorbed, arrogant bitch, I’d probably be in prison right now.

And then I never would have met Samantha, and if I never met her, I wouldn’t be able to hate her as much as I do.

And if I never met her, I would have never met her husband, and he would never have put forth this life-changing proposition to me.

So, to all the Knobheads and Losers who think that I’m a vain, self-absorbed, arrogant bitch but they’re too gutless to say it to my face, I guess I should thank you, because your cowardly actions mean I didn’t beat you to death and end up in prison.

Being indulgent for a moment, maybe we can examine each one of the unflattering descriptions of me, and I’ll defend myself so that you get a clearer picture of who I am.

Am I VAIN? Well … errrr … ummm … actually, we might skip that one.

Am I SELF-ABSORBED? Let’s see … arhhh … jeez … I dunno, are you okay if we skip that one as well?

Am I ARROGANT? Well, I don’t think so … errr, wait up, a part of me thinks that I am, so that’s getting a bit complicated as well.

I am a confident person, or more realistically, I am a super-confident person, but why do Knobheads and Losers mistake supreme confidence for vanity and arrogance?

Anyway, while my strike rate wasn’t very good in that pointless exercise, I’m sure it gives you a clearer picture of who I am, and for all the Dummies out of there who can’t put Two and Who gives a fuck together, I’ll just say that I love being me, because in my own mind I am an Infallible Legendary Legend, and if you don’t believe me, why else would Samantha’s husband offer to pay me 250G for a night of sex?

Okay, so apart from the complicated issues, I think we now understand each other, so I’ll tell my story.

If I was going to start my story in Nursery Rhyme fashion, it would begin something like this;

Ye faithful readers, lend me your ears,

And I will tell a tale of triumph and tears.

Tis a grand tale … yet the tale has some complicated bits,

Because the tale is about an Infallible Legend, with really big tits …

And see, straight away all the horny heterosexual males are going to be thinking, Yeah, she’s gunna get fucked for money, and she has really big tits, so I’m gunna read the whole story! And the lesbian chicks will be thinking, Hey, looks aren’t important, but this bitch sounds hot and sassy, so I’m forging ahead! And the bi-sexual chicks will be thinking, Hmmm, she said that it’s a tale of triumph and tears, and I’m into that kinda stuff, and she seems comfortable in her own body, so maybe I’ll flick through a few more pages, because I wanta find out how big her tits are! And after reading about me, the heterosexual chicks will be thinking, I dunno, did I properly investigate my inner lesbian when I was a teenager?

So anyway, two and a half years ago I had a pretty normal life. I’d been married to my husband Brett for eight years, so I was just you average Stunning Legend with really big tits, and then … I met Chrissy.

Chrissy worked with me, and when I first met her, she was shy, meek and timid, and if I was going to describe my first impression of her in Nursery Rhyme fashion, it would go something like this;

Little Miss Chrissy sat on her tuffet,

Eating her curds and whey,

Along came Maddie the Legend,

And she frightened Miss Chrissy away.

Chrissy she was shy, meek and timid, so I started hanging around with her. I need to associate with people who are inferior to me, because that meant I would always be the most dominant person in my circle of friends, although one time Chrissy told me that her and her equally shy, meek and timid husband Calvin went to Swingers meetings, and I was stunned.

I didn’t believe her though, so I invited Chrissy and Calvin over to our place under the guise that it would be a Swingers meeting, although my real intention was to expose her as a liar, and then, in a very physical manner, I found out that Chrissy and Calvin WERE Swingers.

With Chrissy and Calvin naked and on the prowl, I lost control of the night very quickly, and my husband humped Chrissy, then Calvin humped me, and then … the shy, meek and timid little bitch didn’t stay seated on her Tuffet, because she ended up fucking my arse off.

In hindsight, losing control of the night was the best that ever happened to me, because me and Brett became so invested in the Swingers meetings that we now get together with Chrissy and Calvin and Swing every second weekend.

And that changed me.

If a married couple are discussing whether they should keep swinging and fuck other people, you need to win the female over, because if the male is asked if they should keep swinging and he gets the opportunity to fuck someone new and exciting, he’s going to shrug his shoulders and mutter, Yeah, I’m cool with it. So I was the one who needed to be swung around, and I was swung around so effectively that I fell in love with Chrissy and I got Pretend Married to her.

And that means that Chrissy’s updated Nursery Rhyme now goes something like this;

Little Miss Chrissy sat on a tuffet,

Sliding her knickers off,

Along came Maddie the Legend,

And they fucked each other’s arses off … every second weekend.

My life had changed dramatically, and it had changed for the better. I now had a husband, a male lover, and a Pretend Wife, so what more could an Infallible Legend ask for?

Although typical, just when my life was as grand and exciting as it’s ever been, there always has to be a fly in the ointment, or An Old Cow in the cow dung.

Samantha was nice, friendly, lovely and pleasant (and gorgeous and smoking hot) and because of that, she scared the shit out of me. If I was to describe Samantha in Nursery Rhyme fashion, it would go something like,

Innocent Miss Maddie sat on a tuffet,

Enjoying a lovely day,

But along came a Scary Old Cow,

And she frightened Miss Maddie’s Jealousy Demon away.

But fuck Samantha Knight (and believe me, I would, numerous times) because this story is about me, not that fucking bitch.

Anyway, I get distracted when I think about that pompous, snobby old Snot-rag, so, I will pose the question again; when someone is going to pay you two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand dollars for a night of sex, are you obligated to do everything in your power to give that someone value for money?

When you’re an Infallible Legend like me who has a reputation to uphold, there can only be one answer; Yes, you are.