The Dilemma
Her back was resting on the wall, made of mud. She was sitting on the cold mud floor, lost as if she is in a nightmare among aliens. She was in agony and in great dilemma. She was not in a condition to think right. In one hand the ritual is there to show her love and respect to her husband, and in the other hand is her seven year old son who will become an orphan overnight.What will happen to this innocent little boy when both his parents go away from his life forever, all of a sudden! Which one to choose and how to choose? But of course, she had only one option that she could opt for, the ritual. She was not allowed not to do the ritual but was allowed to leave her seven year old son behind.
There were village people who were discussing how things should be done, what they require and how the ritual is done. The noise coming from outside was making her sick, it was like hitting her head with a hammer.
Her face had become white as if bloodless; her eyes were dry and they looked cold and empty. As soon as her husband took his last, the village women along with her sister in law caught her, brought her out to the courtyard and broke her bangles on her wrist with a stone. Then they washed her sindoor (Vermillion, red powder a married woman puts on her head from the edge of her forehead, in between the parting of the hair). After that she was brought in that room where she was sitting right now. They took off her clothes she was wearing and dressed her like a bride. She had become a sati and not a widow. Her husband had passed away about an hour ago.
She could hear her son crying bitterly and asking and pleading everyone to be with her but people were not allowing him to go. She felt like running and holding him tight in her arms as it could be the last time she would be holding him and even see him. That too was not in her fate.
She could clearly hear her father in law’s voice loud and strong. He was shouting at the villagers.
“I don’t want her to commit this practice. Even my son did not want her to do it, he said so when he was alive. This was his last wish. Therefore, I will not allow it.”
Villagers started shouting,
“If you will not abide by the ritual then our village will be cursed and we all have to bear the consequences, for not abiding by this ritual will bring. Everybody does it so your daughter in law too has to do it.”
Everybody had different strange things to say. She could distinctly hear her sister in law howling and pleading not to force her younger sister in law to commit the ritual but to stop it. No matter how much they tried but village people would not listen. Nothing could stop the villagers from forcing her to be a Sati.
Slowly the marijuana drink that was given to her to drink as soon as they put on the bridal dress on her, started to affect her. To overcome the fear and commit the ritual without any hostility, such drink used to be given to the wife of the deceased. Then they put on wife’s head that she has to commit the ritual, so she only thought of ritual and nothing else. They kept telling her after every ten to fifteen minutes that she should be ready for the ritual and she has to commit Sati.
It was already getting dark so they hurried, prepared the body of the husband and put him on top of a stretcher made of freshly cut green bamboo poles. Then the priest started chanting mantras and did whatever ritual needed to be done. A bunch of men with instruments tied on their chest, went ahead playing the instruments. Then four men carrying the husband's body followed. She had to walk behind her husband’s body. She was surrounded by six men from the village so she does not run away. Her father in law and brother in law were right behind her, tears falling from their eyes. They were feeling helpless as they were unable to stop the ritual.
She was walking as if she is in her dream. All she could think of was the ritual she was going to commit soon. As she was under the influence of that drink, at times she was laughing and at times she was crying bitterly. If she stopped walking, men would push her and force her to walk.
Her son was taken away when she was brought out of her home and started her last journey on this earth. It was done, so the mother did not see the child and became weak from the bonding. Her wish to see her only son remained in her heart that had pierced and aching badly.
Now they started walking on the narrow path towards the cremation place by the stream. It was about twenty minutes walk from the house. On the other side of the stream was dense forest. Half way they had to light the handmade torches on sticks as darkness had already taken over, embracing earth in its grip.
Her legs were unstable as she was completely under the influence of the drink. One of the villagers caught her arm and dragged her along.
They finally reached the spot. The pyre was ready and there were already four villagers who went early to get things ready for the ritual. They lay the body of the husband on top of the pyre while priest started chanting mantra loudly and fast.
Then the priest asked her to go into the stream, dip her feet and take off her clothes, then take a dip in the stream, cleanse herself and climb on the pyre. She had to sit behind the head of her husband then put her husband’s head on her lap. Join her hands together and chant a mantra loudly. She followed everything exactly the priest had instructed her. When she started chanting the mantra everybody would turn towards the pyre.
When she got into the stream to purify herself and take off her clothes, everybody present there turned their back towards her, so they could not see her naked body.When she started chanting the mantra, that meant she is already sitting on the pyre and is ready for the ritual. So they all turned towards the pyre and bowed their heads in respect. Priest while chanting mantra light the torch prepared to give fire on the pyre. Then he handed over the torch to the father in law. As ritual a Father has to give fire to a deceased son.
The villagers were about twenty feet away from the pyre. As father in law headed towards the pyre with the burning torch in his shaky hand, the priest started chanted a mantra aloud and everybody including the priest turned their back towards the pyre. Father in law went close to the pyre and said to her in a soft voice so other could not hear him,
“Can you hear me? Do as I and your brother in law have instructed you. Do you understand? Think of your son. My son, your husband did not want you to burn with him so don’t feel obliged. Do as we have told you.”
Then he gave fire to the pyre. It started to burn. He had to quickly come back and stand among the villagers.
The villagers with the instrument started playing instruments as loud as possible so they don’t hear her cry or scream while burning alive.
The fire quickly caught the dry heap of wood and started burning, flame and smoke raising high. They heard a heart piercing scream. The priest kept chanting mantra aloud and villagers played the instrument even louder so they did not hear her scream and cry of pain from burning alive.
