Authors note & Testimony
The situations in this book may be graphic and highly explicit but the flashbacks are based off of of real experiences of the person this story is based upon(me) with a mix of fiction. Marcoisnt real represents a younger me struggling but the life he lived isn't based off of mines and Kayla represents my closest friend who happened to pull me out of my slump.
Dont worry I've recovered from all of this and it barely bothers me anymore. I am happy and living a wonderful life but I want others to know they are not alone.There are others who been through it and have healed and can heal.
Throughout My life I have went through many things...some of it I put into this story, the rest I am mostly to ashamed to publicly talk about it but I will try to explain it here. I came from an abusive, divided household ,where arguments between my parents were so often and vulgar.
I watched my sisters get into fistfights with each other that would end sometimes bloody or with a tore up house. They were half sisters 2 different moms and often my mother would take up for my blood sister because she felt my father picked on her more than his full daughter, and in most cases it was true. If things weren't worse already, it was school where I suffered the most torment but of course that's in the story. I'm 22 now and yes I've recovered and have come to terms with it.
My relationships with my sisters are strained and we no longer talk except on need to basis. I came from a house of horrors and went to a school of torture everyday where I tried to inflict the pain I felt onto others, before I decided in middle school that I should reinvent myself and help others, only to be stepped on at every turn and used when all I wanted was acceptance and sadly I never got it until I was 17 in high school and it came from a small group of friends and a few teachers.
I had to raise myself, after elementary, my parents let go of the reins and I had to figure out by myself how to solve my problems, I couldn't come to my parents for advice, without them passing judgement like "oh you're getting picked on ignore them, fight them"...I cant whoop the whole school now can I? so I didn't bother coming to them for anything like that, I figured it out myself and I guess I did a great job because I'm still alive, I didn't take my life even though I wanted to so badly. I wanted to kill everyone for what they did to me but I stayed calm I didn't snap and become a mass murderer, instead I learned to forgive.but there are still days even that my angers boils that so many people that young could give so much hate to one kid .
My momma was always asleep in the daytime because she worked the night shift at a nursing home and most of the time she never knew what went on during the first ten years after she became disabled due to kidney disease then her and my father constantly verbally fought about almost everything, bills punishing us, how to raise us and it was so vulgar and just nerve racking I remember everytime an argument started I would be shaking and at times is have to get between them or run across the street to get my granny before things got Out of hand and I remember shit got thrown and sometimes shit would end up broke and I had to stand and watch in case it got physical, just thinking about it makes me shaky and want to cry it was hard.
I never got to go places, or get out and see the town because my parents never had time and when they did it was too late...my child hoods already gone its been gone since the first time I thought about dieing when I was 14. I was haunted haunted by my nightmares of the past where I relive my worst moments for a while until 2022.but in a way my creativity grew from all this.
I was always drawing or writing stories in class to escape reality of my life. tried to fit in so hard in school that I often made a dummy of myself...all I wanted was acceptance for who I was. I was just a weird kid with a lazy eye and that caused me to suffer my whole life...everyday they walked up and told me it to my face...crazy right?. That's why I'm heavy on respect these days, because if you cant respect who I am then you shouldn't be in my life. Anyways I started this story in 2020 when I was in a bad place mentally and now in 2023 I'm in a better place and decided to treat the rest of the story as such so enjoy.
