Chapter 1
-Noah-
I felt Violet’s fingers slowly trace down my chest and stomach while her lips kissed their way over my shoulder. She was a woman with an insatiable appetite, one I was more than happy to satisfy... or at least, I had been.
Violet and I had known each other since childhood, and she had welcomed me into her home when everything had turned chaotic in my life. At first, I enjoyed our casual encounters, but my interest in her had begun to fade after I began withdrawing.
“If you smoke any more, you won’t be able to get it up,” Violet chuckled softly, kissing my neck as I inhaled the smoke from the joint.
“I think you underestimate the power of this pack’s beta,” I replied, feeling the effects of the smoke.
Violet leaned back, shaking her head, the blanket barely covering her ass. I had just slept with her, but she wanted more. “No, I just see how much it affects you,” she remarked with a small smile.
“Maybe I feel the pressure of leading this pack,” I admitted.
“That’s not difficult to guess, but how will you lead if you’re constantly high?” she questioned.
“I’m not the alpha.”
“No, but you assist him.”
“And are you really in a position to judge?” I asked.
She chuckled, shaking her head, clearly finding our conversation amusing while I found it a bit irritating.
“No, but I’m neither the beta nor the alpha. I simply ensure the beta is well taken care of,” she replied.
“And you do an excellent job,” I praised, watching her smile.
She ran a hand through her short blond hair, then positioned herself on her hands and knees, leaning forward. I inhaled the smoke as she moved closer, until there were only inches between us. I exhaled into her mouth, and she inhaled it herself, a smile curling on her lips as she pulled back.
She took the joint and set it aside, removing the blanket before kissing her way down my body, eventually reaching my cock and skillfully getting me hard again.
***
“Noah? Noah? Noah!” Kai shouted.
“Huh?” I looked up, realizing I’d been zoning out and hadn’t noticed Kai speaking. It still felt strange to see him behind the desk instead of his father, but we’d taken over the leadership of the pack last year. We were now in charge, receiving guidance from our parents only when necessary.
“Are you stoned?” he asked.
“No,” I replied.
“Then take off the sunglasses.”
Kai knew everything about me. We were best friends.
“What sunglasses?” I asked, confused.
He looked at me in surprise.
“The ones on your face!” he exclaimed, gesturing to the sunglasses I finally noticed.
“Oh...” I took them off, unsure of who they belonged to. Were they Violet’s? Did I just grab them before leaving? She lived ten minutes away from the pack house, so it was convenient for me to stay at her place and work here. But everything felt so strange. I didn’t remember putting them on.
“You’re so fucking stoned,” he said, with a slight smile.
“I’m not.”
I was lying. I was completely messed up. I had smoked before coming here... or did I ever stop since last night? Everything was blurring together. I wasn’t sure what I was doing or how much I’d taken. Some days, I didn’t even know where I was. It hadn’t gotten this bad before, but I knew it all started when my dad and I stopped talking…
“You are,” he insisted, but his tone grew more serious.
“I’m fine,” I insisted.
“No, you’re not, and I hate that you live there now.”
“Huh? Where?” I inquired.
“With Violet... Shit, you’re out of your mind today,” he groaned.
“It’s fine.”
“No, she’s the reason you became an addict in the first place.”
“I’m not an addict,” I said.
“Sure, let’s keep playing that game,” he mocked.
“I’m fine. It’s fine,” I assured him.
“No, it’s not. Violet has always been a bad influence on you, and now you live with her? It used to be maybe once or twice a month that you got high, then it turned into once a week when you started sleeping together, and now it’s practically every day... Noah!” he shouted, as I started zoning out again.
I shook my head and focused on him. “What?”
“Did you hear a word I just said?”
“Yeah, uh... months, weeks, then days,” I repeated, not really remembering what was significant about it because I hadn’t heard everything he said.
He sighed and leaned back in his seat. “Every day you spend with her, it gets worse. Just come back to the house.”
“No,” I said.
“It’s not like your dad is even here that often. Now that you’ve taken over, he’s with Lauren most of the time,” he pointed out, intensifying the pain inside me.
“Yeah...” I whispered, looking away.
“I know you didn’t want your father to have a mate again,” he said.
“You know it’s not that.”
“Yeah? Then why did you try to break them apart?”
“I didn’t...” I whispered. “I was scared. All I saw was my mom, dead, and I saw Angela crying because she lost hers. I barely remember what I said to Lauren that morning.”
“Were you high that day you talked to her?”
“Yeah...” I admitted.
“Goddess, Noah...” he whispered.
“I know. It wasn’t good. I just... I lost control because I know what it’s like to lose a mom, and Angela has already lost a family member. I didn’t want her to feel my pain.”
“We both know there’s more to it. You’re scared of losing the parent you still have, but it’s not like your dad is dying. He’s happy. He’s alive. Lauren and he worked it out.”
I nodded slightly.
“Noah, you and I both understand the power of the bond. Your parents might not have been true mates, but your father lost a true mate, just as he lost your mother, his partner.”
“Where are you going with this?” I asked, irritation creeping into my voice.
“Your dad has a true mate again, and that could be his weakness—your weakness. You could lose him.”
I scoffed, exhaling dismissively. “I’m not afraid of that.”
“Yes, you are, but if you talked to him—”
“No.”
“Noah!”
“No!” I shot back.
Kai sighed, shaking his head in frustration, but I wasn’t about to change my mind. I couldn’t…
“Can’t you just come back to the house then?” Kai pleaded.
I shook my head.
“Noah!”
“No, I’m fine where I am,” I insisted.
“No, you’re not. You know I don’t like Violet,” he said.
“Well, it’s a good thing I’m the one fucking her,” I joked.
He raised an eyebrow, eyeing me with weariness.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re so annoying,” he said, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“What about you?” I quickly changed the subject.
“What about me?”
“Have you chosen a luna yet?”
Kai shot me a look, looking slightly irritated. He and I had agreed that, if or when we were ready to settle down, we’d choose someone.
“No, have you chosen a mate yet?” he asked.
“No,” I replied.
“Not even Violet?” he taunted.
“Violet and I aren’t like that.”
“Are you sure she isn’t interested in more?”
“Even if she were, I’m not.”
“But she might convince you to bond with her while you’re completely drugged out of your mind,” he said.
“No, that would never happen,” I insisted.
“Are you sure? How would you even know? Sometimes you barely know what day it is. Are you sure there isn’t a mark on your shoulder right now?”
I grew scared, and with my mind clouded by drugs, I wasn’t sure if he might be telling the truth. I grabbed my shirt, pulling it down to check. I let out a deep sigh when I saw there was no mark. Then I turned to Kai, who was chuckling softly.
“You’re an ass,” I muttered.
“And you’re an addict,” he replied matter-of-factly.
“Fuck you.”
“It’s the truth,” he said calmly.
I shook my head.
“Yes, you are. So come home.”
“No,” I replied.
“Now who’s being an ass?” he asked.
“Why is it so important? I live ten minutes away, and I make sure to be on time,” I argued.
“It’s important precisely because I don’t like Violet. I don’t like what she’s doing to you. You need your family,” he said firmly.
“I have my family.”
“No, you’ve shut everyone out. You’re even starting to shut me out,” he said, frustration creeping into his voice.
“I could never shut you out. You’re too annoying,” I joked, trying to brush off his concerns.
He stared at me, clearly frustrated that I wasn’t taking the situation seriously.
“It’s all good.”
“You know, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem,” he explained.
“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t have a problem,” I replied defensively.
“You’re sometimes...”
“What?” I inquired, bracing myself for his response.
He began clenching and unclenching his fists in front of him, frustration clear in his eyes. He’d reached his limit with me, and to be honest, I’d been expecting it. Maybe even hoping for it.
“I miss my friend,” he said, finally relaxing his body.
“I’m right here,” I told him.
“No, that’s only half of him, maybe even a quarter. I want my best friend back, the one who can actually remember the day.”
“I know what day it is,” I insisted.
“All right, then what day is it?” he challenged.
“It’s...” I had been so sure when I said I knew the day, but now that he asked, doubt crept in. “It’s... uh...”
“Yeah?” he prompted.
“Well, it’s Tuesday!” I declared.
“No, it’s actually Thursday, which means you’ve probably forgotten about our dinner on Friday,” he said.
“Dinner?”
“I told you about it last week!” he exclaimed. “We’re hosting a big dinner here, inviting people from both the castle and Lauren’s pack. It’s an important event, Noah, and you need to be there.”
“Dinner... Dinner...” I muttered, trying to recall the mention.
“My Goddess!” he groaned, rubbing his eyes. “If you don’t show up, I’m not covering for your sorry ass this time. You’ll have to make it there on your own.”
“I’ll be there,” I promised.
“Yeah? Can you handle a dinner with your dad and Lauren?”
“Well, there will be other people there. I don’t have to talk to them.”
“Can’t you just end the feud?” he asked.
The truth was, the rift between my dad and me had started long before Lauren entered his life. She was just a small part of why I blew up on my dad and walked away.
“No,” I replied firmly.
“Of course...” he mumbled. “Aren’t you tired, though?”
“Tired?”
“Of fighting?”
“We’re not even speaking,” I reminded him.
“And isn’t that worse?” he inquired.
“It’s calmer. There’s less shouting in the house now that I don’t live there.”
“Maybe, but we all feel your absence.”
“As if I took up that much space,” I chuckled, but Kai remained serious.
“I mean it, Noah. I know you don’t see yourself as important, but you are. To all of us. So yeah, we notice it. Your dad still notices it, and the tension hasn’t gone away just because you left. You left a gaping hole instead.”
I heard him, but I shook my head. “I’m fine where I am.”
He sighed, looking unconvinced. “Fine, but don’t bring Violet, and don’t be high.”
“I’ve managed to hide it from my family this long. I can keep doing it.”
Kai shook his head. “At some point, they’ll find out.”
“Only if you tell them.”
“No, that’s all up to you,” he said.
