Chapter 1
Why are feelings so weird?
When you start liking someone, your first enemy will be your own brain. It will continuously try to find reasons to discard all those feelings you have for that person and reach to a conclusion that he is not interested in you. But then again you will try to find silly little moments too, where you would find him appealing and totally into you. This is an endless battle which I have faced for a long time.
In my case, I was too early to start feeling for him. He was not even aware that I fell for him at that time. But you know what I just let the feelings flow cause I have not felt like that for a long time for someone. That waiting for a text or call, those butterflies if our hands accidently brushes, it feels good although real irritating sometimes if the other person doesn’t reciprocate. Trying to steal a glance of him when he is not looking, admiring him secretly so that you don’t get caught, makes you feel human again does not it?
It is not like I wanted him to know but I never hid anything either. Cause I knew it was gonna end soon so why not show him what I feel. I didn’t want to repent like the last time when I didn’t express myself properly in my previous relationship. So I let myself go and yes, I failed. Couldn’t make him hold me. He didn’t even realise that I had already written the end to our story and was just counting days for the chapter to be closed.
But then he came, when I was on the verge of losing us. Asking for a chance to make it up to me, assuring to give his best shot in this relationship. I felt it, he was too late. I have started to let him go.
He saved us but really did he?
But one thing I realised is that I fell first but he fell harder. Now he wants back that old version of mine but can I really give it back to him? Can I really again feel like the way I used to do? I don’t know. I will not force myself to know either. Just will let my feelings flow the way it wants to and if he waits probably he will find me back.
Now I see him where I used to stand. I find my old self in him just a little calm and hopeful, unlike me. He is waiting, waiting for the girl who used to admire him with pure heart. He is waiting to feel that genuine touch again over his skin. We don’t understand the value of something when we have it. Now that she has killed that innocent little admirer in her, he wants her back. What can the girl do, she herself has murdered her feelings. Can she bring back that old self forcefully? I really don’t know, how long will it take and most importantly will he wait? Nobody knows…..
