Until I Die

I have always been told that love is the most beautiful thing that happens in our lives, that it gives us a taste for life and gives more importance to our existence and that of our chosen rose. Flowers bloom, the sun shines, birds sing, the air is fresher, and even the most insignificant things make us laugh when we fall in love. Your heart races, and you feel like you’re laughing every moment. Everything seems wonderful, we start to like waking up early in the morning and we start to look forward to ‘’tomorrow’’. Everything starts to make sense.

I have always been told that love is beautiful and magical like in novels, and this image we have of love gives us a lot of illusion, makes us impatient to discover it one day, to live it, that we rush without thinking. So, love becomes a dream for others, for some it has become a goal, that sometimes they act differently and even becomes ridiculous.

I was also told that love is the first source of happiness, that it is the most beautiful thing that happens in our youth when we discover it for the first time. But, let me tell you the opposite. Let me prove to you that love has nothing to do with everything we imagined throughout our childhood. Love and loathe get closer, we have the impression of saying the same word.

My name is Mathilde Saradrof, I had just turned seventeen, one of the periods when every girl is destined to follow in the footsteps of a man, thus getting married.

Being an orphan, I lived under the roof of my sixty-three year old aunt. We lived in miserable conditions with her income which was hardly enough for us.

My life is summed up in disgrace, betrayal, daydreams and naivety which drown me in the depths of my despair and my loss, which is what brings me to this story.

The truth is more important from the mouth of a master than from his foolish servant.

I do not want to justify myself or make others feel guilty, but to make the truth heard if one day I die or disappear.

This story takes place around the nineteenth century.

I tell you this story to warn you that loving can kill you and your loved ones, and that you never know what your loved one is thinking or really feeling. Refrain from believing the words, the promises, the gifts they offer you. Be vigilant and intelligent. Know that for others, those that may be lost, can be replaced with the snap of a finger.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining in all its splendor, I was lying on the green grass in the garden holding my favorite novel, which I have read hundreds of times. Overwhelmed by my daydreams and my imagination of living the life of the character in my novel, loved by a prince charming and living in a castle, being in a duel against his mother-in-law or even a sweet kiss under the sunset where love is pure and unique, I paid no attention to the world around me.

I have never been loved by anyone, since I was so reserved and attached to my aunt’s skirt. I imagined myself as a princess or duchess loved by a gentleman or even a prince, dressed in a puffy dress shining with a thousand stars, that borders on stupidity, but what girl of my rank doesn’t want that life ?

I have always believed in love, my mother taught it to me. My mother constantly told me that love is pure and real.

I am not materialistic, I will marry the man who loves me and whom I love whether he is a prince or not.

But, a dream is a dream, we always want something that we can never get. If you say otherwise, you’re lying.

Thus, by offering myself this love I would keep my purity.

This was the motto in our time, to give one’s virginity only to one’s husband in gratitude for offering the woman a home and the subsidies of her needs. Nothing is free in this world of bastards.

In my village, a girl’s purity before marriage is essential. We planted this shit in our minds from a very young age. Value and virtue of a woman and not the education of a young man and the respect he should have for a woman.

Our dreams come from our desire which is born from lack or dissatisfaction, but mine comes from my books.

I have never been in love with a man in my life, but I fall madly in love with the fictional characters in my novels. A robust, hero, brave, gallant man, a knight... A man who treats every woman like a queen, with sweet and soothing words. Everything a woman looks for in a man. Tenderness ! Safety, love !

I was so curious to know these feelings, to experience these adventures. I was even impatient to live this fairy tale that other girls my age were swimming. I wanted to know what it is to love and be loved.

I love solitude, but sometimes I wanted to be loved, I wanted some attention.

What really happens when you start a relationship with someone ? Will it work like the novels I’ve read ?

However, women are not meant to read or write if they do not come from a wealthy family, but I cordially refused. Reading was the only thing I loved in this world.

My aunt threw a carrot in my face, which made me jump with a red and swollen nose.

— Get up, you idiot ! Your books won’t help you do the dishes or clean the house, she said, heading towards the door of our little shabby cabin. She was staggering because of her age. The hand carrying the basket and the other hand on her hip.

— On the other hand, she continued laughing, they can be used to light the fire for dinner !

I quickly got up to help her carry her groceries, and placed them on a small wooden table. I spoke to her while delicately massaging my nose which she had just smashed.

— My aunt, books take us to a utopian world ! They make us live the life we always dreamed of having and make us escape reality.

— Makes men run away, you mean ! ( She turned to me with her contemptuous looks.) You know my dear, life is not always roses and rainbows like your stupid leaves say. Your books do not bring men down from heaven to ask for your hand !

— But… ! A woman is not always destined to marry, procreate, satisfy and even do the laundry of her husband. She has the right to dreams, books and…

My aunt cut me off again.

— Are you a princess, a duchess, or do you come from a rich and noble family ? She had a mocking look.

— No but…

— There is no ‘’ but ‘’ ! Listen Mathilde, our destiny is different. We have to work hard to meet our needs, but not to read or sing with the birds.

— I don’t sing with the birds, I remind you. You’re too sarcastic ! I said rolling my eyes.

— I may be old, but before being an old woman I was a young girl. I too dreamed, I too had thoughts that flew towards these frills, but over time I realized my duty and my responsibilities. Roses may have flowers, but they also have thorns. I worry about you, about your future. Wisdom and knowledge, all, like books are intended for noble and rich girls ! Our social class does not give us time and goods. I am old and I will die soon and you will be alone, without a husband or a job, and your books will be the only ones that will feed you.

— Don’t talk nonsense, you’re not going to die, stop with your absurd comments.

I almost had tears in my eyes when she told me that, but one day or another she will have to leave and all that will be left is me, my solitude and my books of course. I had already lost my parents, losing my aunt will only accentuate the emptiness within me.

We ate together at lunchtime, and she went back to the Prescott mansion when we finished eating, leaving me alone with chores, while waiting for her to return in the evening.

This was my routine since I lived with her, sleeping, waking up, making breakfast, doing chores, reading and rereading books, lying on the ground, on the lawn of our little garden in full view of my neighbors, doing the laundry… and waiting for my aunt to return at around five o’clock, and even more.

In the afternoon, I sewed my aunt’s dress, damaged by time and work, when suddenly someone knocked at the door and entered without my permission, I was furious. I got up and quickly walked towards the door to see who it was.

— Have the courtesy to go out otherwise I…

I didn’t finish my sentence when I saw my friend, my only friend and confidante Annah. She was older than me, longer because I was only five feet four inches tall. She had brown eyes, black hair, a pointed nose, with a well-defined face. She was twenty-three years old.

— Don’t be aggressive, my beautiful blue-eyed blonde, it’s just me, Annah ! She said, raising her hands in the air as she landed.

— So what are you doing here ? I thought you worked for the Sorels. You’re going to get fired or even…

I didn’t finish my sentence when she yelled at me :

— I spent my night with Jacob !

My eyes were wide open, I couldn’t believe what she was saying. She continued talking, holding my hand and looking me straight in the eyes.

— I know it’s stupid and even undignified for a girl, but it happened so quickly.

— Have you… ? I held back from laughing and jumping around like crazy. I looked for his gaze. She didn’t say a word but nodded, smiling and screaming so loudly that the whole village could hear her.

— Shut up otherwise everyone will hear what’s happening ! I whispered.

— I know you’re going to tell me that I shouldn’t have, and that virginity is sacred and everything for a girl, and that if we’re no longer a virgin no one will want us. But before saying a word, he asked for my hand ! She exclaimed, showing me her finger and waving them in front of my face.

We were jumping and screaming all day until the sun went down waiting for my aunt to come back.

— Were you in pain when you… ? You know what I mean.

— A little yes, but I’m not going to tell you in detail. It’s up to you to find out one day.

— Go ooooonnnn… tell me ! I begged, making eyes at her.

— No ! you will know it one day, when you get married, on your wedding night. But don’t be like me, be patient because you are only a virgin once. Thank God, Jacob will marry me otherwise I will have the shame of my life and the dishonor of my family.

Jacob was a widower, having three children. It was for lack of companionship and motherly help that he wanted to marry Annah, it was hardly love. He was about twice Annah’s age, bald with a big belly. He was a farmer, nothing to do with the man of her dreams, or mine, frankly.

We talked all evening while waiting for my aunt who arrived about six hours later.

It was around 7 p.m, my aunt knocked on the door, she always advised me to close the door for security reasons and not to open it to anyone since my parents were murdered when I I was ten years old.

I got up from the bed, walked to the door and asked who was there, before opening it.

— It’s me !

I opened it immediately because I recognized her voice. Without even saying good evening, Annah’s presence was her only concern.

— Annah ? She was surprised to see Annah resting on the bed. What are you doing here at this hour ? It’s not safe to come home this late.

— She’s going to sleep here tonight, we have something to talk about, I replied, looking Annah straight in the eyes and raising my eyebrows several times.

— Okay, but you sleep on the floor.

We had dinner together during the evening, talking about village gossip, a woman’s discussion !

Annah and I lay on the floor, on an old rug, because we only had one bed. She closed her eyes in search of sleep, her back lying down and her head facing the ceiling. I pinched her nose and mouth to make her wake up.

She woke up abruptly, taking a deep breath and shaking as if she were going to fall off a cliff.

— Are you crazy ? She said pushing me. You want to kill me ? Let me sleep, I’m working tomorrow, you just read all day. She closed her eyes again, turning her back to me.

— Are you working tomorrow or are you planning to sneak into Jacob’s bed ? I held back my laughter so as not to wake my aunt.

She turned suddenly, giving me her big eyes to threaten me.

— I know what you want, young girl, but I won’t tell you what happened in the bed. Don’t be curious, you’ll see it one day, when you’ve done it. We’re going to tell each other what happened to both of us when WE satisfied pour man. Unless you die a virgin of course ! She laughed so hard that I pinched her legs.

My bond with Annah is stronger than anything, she was like a sister and even a second mother apart from my aunt.

We were so different that the villagers wondered why we were friends, but you know, as they say, « Opposites attract. » ” or even “like attracts like”.

Annah was beautiful, slim, about five feet seven inches. She was a little vicious, had no grace or politeness, but I loved her just the same. I’m sure it wasn’t Jacob who was her first time but a boy who did a mission in the village and who then left without asking for her hand, when she was about fifteen. She wanted to protect her father’s honor and her mother’s worth by hiding it, but I, knowing her so well, knew when she was lying.

There were even some rumors saying that she was Mr. Sorel’s whore. Since the existence of proof is necessary to confirm these accusations, if there is not, each gossip remains a gossip and not a fact that could harm Annah’s reputation.

— You know I don’t like it when people talk to me about this kind of thing, I replied.

— Don’t tell me you’re afraid ? She smiled to avoid bursting out laughing.

I already told you, that this kind of thing is not intended for me.

In reality, since I loved reading, tackling this kind of subject flatters me but when someone tells me to do it, I’m afraid. I have several physical complexes, I don’t have Annah’s body, I have a slightly developed chest and hips. I am afraid that I will not satisfy a man’s desire, knowing nothing about it and that my body does not correspond to his expectations. And I have always thought that love is not based only on sex but on the understanding and companionship of each other.

I considered myself capable of abstaining from intimate relations before marriage. To remain chaste.

We continued our discussion in whispers until we grew exhausted. Annah left at daybreak, as for my aunt she stayed in bed, it was strange, seeing as she always woke up before me. I was cleaning, shopping, I thought that at that time my aunt would have already been at the Prescott mansion.

It was almost eleven o’clock, I was going to cook. By surprise, I saw my aunt lying on her bed although she should have left long ago.

— Aunt ! Wake up ! She didn’t move.

I tried to wake her but in vain. I was shaking her, screaming, I was so scared. Suddenly, the loneliness increased little by little, like a rising swamp, it drowned me. I ran out of the house, screaming, looking for help. I didn’t realize that my tears were flowing freely. I prayed to God not to take my family away again, my one and only family.

— Please ! Anybody ! Help me ! My aunt is unconscious, I shouted. I was wandering all over the street. The look of fear, the face bathed in tears.

I felt alone, I felt like I was floating and spinning.

People arrived and helped me, a child running to warn a doctor who was arriving after thirty minutes. He was examining her, while I was waiting for him alone in the little garden. The doctor finally came out, I got up and walked towards him again, wiping my tears.

— What’s wrong with her ? Is she okay ? Please answer me !

— How do you expect me to answer you if you don’t stop questioning me ? Calm down, she’s fine. Her blood pressure has increased, she is tired. She needs to rest. Hold ! This is a list of medicines and some medicinal plants to treat it.

— But we don’t have enough money to get some.

— This is your problem my dear, find a job or get married, you are young !

The doctor had left, leaving me alone with my aunt.

Yes, life is like that.

People only take good care of you if you are wealthy and of noble family, on the contrary, they leave you to your fate, because they know that you can offer them nothing in return. My aunt and I were the poorest in the village, which probably explains his behavior.

I had to do something to provide for us and care for my aunt. I had to work.

I sat in a chair waiting for her to wake up. I rested my head on the edge of the bed.

— What are you doing here ? she whispered. She turns to me with a tired and dying look. Get moving, I have to go to work.

— No ! You’re not going anywhere. You are ill, and the doctor told me of the need for rest, given your age.

— If I don’t work, who will pay our taxes and our needs ? She frowned.

I didn’t answer her, but instead smiled at her.

— Don’t tell me it’s you ! She grumbled, pointing at me. Oh my God ! You’ve never worked, Mathilde !

— I know but I have to do it for us, for you ! I’m not a little girl anymore.

— And where are you going to work ? Who wants you ?

Suddenly, she tried to get up but I stopped her. Then she continued talking. « I will lose my job if I leave without telling them. »

— I will tell them today, don’t worry. I can even take your place for a while and tell them that you sent me.

— No ! I promised your mother I would give you a better life, not turn you into a servant ! I want you to marry a local man, to be a devoted wife and mother ! You’re too beautiful to become a servant, she looked at me with sad eyes.

— And you’re too old to work ! I’ll go to the mansion and explain the situation to them. I’m going to start working, and you’ve done a lot for me. Now it’s my turn to take care of you. And for your information, I’m not beautiful !

My aunt was a mother and father to me at the same time, I was going to do everything possible to ensure that she was cured, so as not to lose again the only family I had left. So I decided to go to the mansion and fill in for my aunt until she recovered.

I went there on foot to meditate on our situation and soothe my fears from earlier.

I studied on the road the way I was going to address myself, my gestures and my smile. I spoke to myself, repeating every moment the response that I had carefully prepared on my way

« Hello, my name is Mathilde Saradrof. I’m here to work. No ! It’s ordinary. I need something more… professional, a bit noble if necessary. Hah ! Let’s start again ! Good morning… »

As usual, I dressed simple but elegant since I was going to a noble house. I wore a blue dress with white sleeves, covering all of my feet. It showed a little of my chest tightened by my corset which gives a lot of volume to my breasts. I did my hair well, a bun that took me thirty minutes or more ! But the wind is never a friend to a pretty hairstyle, strands were rebelling, giving me a disheveled look. A lock of hair fell on my forehead.

After twenty minutes of walking and repeating : « I am dynamic. Cooking is my main talent. I have other abilities, I know how to read, write, play the piano. I have a passion for reading, but hey, this detail is hardly useful for a person who just sweeps the floor ! Okay, I’ll improvise. », I had finally arrived in front of a large gate where it was written on the post of the wall, on a metal sign, with golden writing : “Prescott Manor”. The writing was so pretty, like writing with gold, and maybe it is.

The gate was beautiful, I even wondered why rich people spend a lot of money on useless things, specifically on a gate ?

I have never been to this mansion, no one is allowed there, unless you are a servant, slave, guests but especially if you are rich.

I adjusted my dress and hair before knocking on the big gate while taking a deep breath. A man came out of the door which was next to the large gate and asked me the origin of my unexpected visit, he looked at me, and noticed that I am not a lady, given my attire. He noticed that I was just a peasant girl. The man in question was not a noble, that much was obvious, but he spoke with politeness and elegance, I was sure he was one of the servants of the manor. I had heard that there were around a hundred servantspworking there.

The rich want us to put spoons in their mouths, they want us to wipe their asses for them.

The man wore a red jacket with silver buttons, white pants held by a black leather belt, a type of suit worn by certain staff whose design I did not know. I thought it was a jack.

— May I know the reason for your visit ? he asked.

— I wish to speak with Sir or Lady Prescott about my aunt Saradrof, a servant in this house, she is ill.

He returned without saying a word to me, I saw him walk away. I remained motionless, I didn’t know what to do, follow him or leave. He did not say anything to me. Seeing me standing there, totally confused, frozen like a statuette, he finally said to me :

— Follow me ! What are you waiting for ? A royal procession to transport you, or even a red carpet ?

I followed him with a quick step to keep up with his pace and forget my shame because of his words. The gate closed and I turned to see how it closed by itself and there I saw two gatekeepers and several guards on each corner of the wall. I was even afraid.

Life is like that, you are hardly given respect unless you come from a big family. One more reason to work hard !

As I entered the property, I didn’t expect it to be so large. There was a large garden covered with lawns, flowers and trees. A large alley, thirty meters long, led us to the large facade of the manor which looked like a castle. More beautiful than a castle. As if I found myself in the palaces described in my novels. I felt amazed by its beauty. I didn’t expect the mansion to be so large, it was one story but stretched to its width. It had several large glass windows. On the main path, there were lanterns every two meters, on each side. From a distance, I saw gardeners, servants each wearing their respective uniform, a black and white dress, like that of my dear aunt, for the servants. Even the servants’ dress was more beautiful than mine.

We crossed the enormous garden, covered with lawn. There were red, white, yellow and pink roses. There was also a small wooden garden table and chairs on the green grass, under a large parasol. There was even a magnificent fountain in the middle. The fountain was so big that we had to go around it. I couldn’t stop smiling, I was in heaven.

We entered the mansion, I looked all around me, up and down, left and right. I stood still without realizing it. And there, my mouth was wide open. We entered a large room. There was a large crystal chandelier on the high ceiling, it was so large that it covered almost the entire ceiling. I wondered how the servants managed to clean it given its height.

The floor and walls were marble, everything was clean, I had never seen anything like it. There was paint on the ceiling and the top of the wall, it was what you could call art. A blue sky, misty clouds, little chubby angels, naked with little wings on their backs, playing there or swimming in the clouds, I think.

Heaven.

It feels like angels are watching us from above.

Large glass windows stood on every wall, letting in light. To my right, there was a huge black piano and opposite it was a large arched staircase leading upstairs. We could make a royal descent there.

I was sure that this large room was the ballroom.

Every corner of the room smelled of roses. It looked like a castle narrated in the books. The room was so vast and empty that my breathing echoed in it.

Shit ! I’m going to work here !

I realized that the man who accompanied me had disappeared, I did not follow him. I was mesmerized by the beauty of the room that I froze. I was alone, so I might as well take advantage of it. I imagined myself dancing in the room, wearing a pretty dress and a gold tiara like that of the ladies of the kingdom, I felt special for once in my life. I smiled and spun around singing in the middle of the big empty room. I laughed. I spun and spun like a top.

I closed my eyes, both arms wide open. I felt free and alive. My dress fell open and my hair flowed. I raised my head to the ceiling, opened my eyes and stared at the large chandelier. I hummed a melody, a waltz that my father often played on the piano when I was very little. My head was spinning but I didn’t care, I continued to waltz, imagining an invisible partner. I opened all the curtains, quite dynamically. I waltzed around the room. I was happy.

I was so caught up in my daydreams that I didn’t hear footsteps behind me as I continued to sing, spin, dance, smile and even laugh. Every moment seemed magical to me.

In just one tour, I bumped into something or someone. I suddenly fell to the ground and let out a cry that echoed throughout the room, even though the person neither trembled nor moved, this shock had no effect on him. It’s like I’ve hit a brick wall.

So I realized that it was another man since the other was thin and small, this one was robust, I thought of a guard.

I was so afraid that I would be thrown out with such disgrace, calling me crazy or something. My gaze was fixed on his black shoes, for sure, I had just bumped into a man. I tried to get up quickly but I couldn’t, as I fell suddenly, my wrist hurt, my lower back.

The man held out his hand to me, and I accepted his help.

Such a gentleman !

I thank him for that, but suddenly he pulled me violently to get up. My armpit and hand hurt, as if my entire arm was going to be torn from my body. I almost fell forward again but his presence prevented this accident. My head fell on his chest, I clung to his arms.

Oh God, what a muscular body he have !

My face stuck to his skin from his sweat. I was withdrawing from him. I didn’t expect such aggression.

I slowly raised my gaze. I looked him straight in the eyes and saw a young man of about twenty years old or even eighteen. He was tall, well built, muscular. His torso was well defined, and so were his arms. He was about six feet three inches tall given his height. I was so small compared to him that my head was facing his chest. A giant.

I raised my head, seeing in slow motion his chest, then his neck and finally his face. I was surprised, my heart was beating a thousand miles an hour. I felt a strange sensation as if someone had just electrified my body. My eyes widened. I saw an handsome boy, smooth skin, no spots or wrinkles.

His face was the mixture of the beauty of an angel and the anger of the devil. He had light gray eyes and dark brown hair that was quite long, so that his locks fell to his forehead. The cut of his hair was so attractive. He had a fairly pointed nose, a perfect mouth, and a well-defined jawline. He had beautiful eyebrows. He was handsome, no he was more than that that I can’t explain it.

I was amazed by the young man’s charm. Was it love at first sight ? I don’t know !

He was so handsome to be a servant. Probably a lover of one of the ladies of the manor. He was sweating so much that his sweat fell on his forehead. Maybe he had just finished work, but despite that, he was charming. I believe he can get every girl at his feet. Properly speaking, I had literally just fallen at his feet, since he pushed me. He was half naked, wearing only black pants, no top. I could see his whole chest, his muscles and his abs. I felt like I was drooling.

I didn’t realize that I was contemplating him with desire and wonder, my cheeks were all red. I unconsciously swallowed my saliva.

Oh God look at this body !

He smelled so good, even when he was all sweaty. He was a perfect paramour for every wife, lady and servant.

He didn’t even apologize, but lectured me while staring at me with a threatening look. He still held my hand in his, he had a huge hand that it was so easy for him to grab me. He finally released it, but then he suddenly grabbed my arm and squeezed it so tightly. He was scolding me.

— Have you escaped from your asylum to the point of spinning and laughing like crazy ? It shows that you have no grace ! ( He looks me up and down.) Where do you think you are ?

— I humbly beg your pardon for my imprudence, and recklessness, and I beseech your forgiveness.

— I don’t call that recklessness but rather pure madness ! Fix your appearance ! Hold on tight, and…

I cut him off again.

— And what else ? Eh ? I apologized. I admit my mistakes, isn’t that necessary or should I praise you ? And regarding my appearance, look in the mirror and you will see that you sweat like a pig ! Your posture is hardly adaptable for the mansion, you are half NAKED ! ( I emphasized this word while staring at him. ) while you were working.

I dared to contradict him because, after all, I told myself that perhaps he was a gardener, farmer or miner seeing as he was not wearing a suit, and what gentleman would dress like that and walk around in this way, having no shame ?

Instead of hiding my eyes, I couldn’t resist looking at him, my cheeks were getting redder and redder. I explained to him that I admired the splendor of the room and that I never went to a ball or a party even though I always dreamed of doing so. I spoke to him about my obsession with novels, I dared to confide because he was only a servant. My previous behavior, I concluded, an opportunity to dance in a castle in the middle of the room, a chance that only happens once since there was no one around, and the man who accompanied me had disappeared. I had believed that he would understand my story and not judge me, because it was normal behavior for a young girl of my rank if she has an opportunity to satisfy her desires in a single moment, an opportunity that does only happens once. Instead, he laughed ! A rather sarcastic laugh that made me angry. He looked at me mockingly, holding back laughter again, but smiled at the end, saying to me in a cold voice :

— You are just a dreamer !

— And you are a sweat ! I shouted to him.

— Get off your cloud, dreams won’t take you anywhere, young girl. If dreams bring us fortune and fame, everyone will be rich, and you are proof. And as a remark ( he stopped, bit his lips, smiling viciously, while looking me up and down), stop admiring me with your big blue eyes, you’re all red from devouring me with your eyes.

By these words, I was offended, a shame that I could not hide, I almost had tears in my eyes.

Who is he to insult me like that ?

I held back from crying and slapping him. I find myself in the residence of a gentleman, I owe myself good behavior.

— Mind your own business, and let go of me, you’re hurting me ! I ordered, trying to free myself. I remind you that you too are only a servant. We are the same, we are both poor ! But I have a dream and you only have your pride and ego which lead you nowhere except to work and serve people. Take away your words, young man !

He finally released my arm, which had become reddish. The traces of his fingers remained on my skin.

— Stupid fool ! I have to stop arguing with you. A woman without importance, without value, without politeness or even honor. This discussion is hardly consistent with my state of mind and my judgment. A woman’s discussion is not intended for me, a servant’s discussion more precisely, he said with a haughty voice.

He left, heading towards the gate, leading to the east side of the property. But before going out, he turned and said to me :

— Swallow your tongue, you are not in your village and you are not discussing with your vegetable seller ! Have some respect once in your life. (He raised his eyebrow in a contemptuous and mocking manner. He rolled his eyes.) This could damn you, lead to beheading or hanging, use your little peasant brains.

— Asshole ! I’ll show you how a peasant’s brain works !

I was seething with rage, with hatred that I took off my left sandal again and threw it directly at his head. I was always a good shooter. To get a mango or other fruit in the forest, I threw my sandals, I knew how to aim thanks to this experience. Annah and I were used to it since our childhood. My sandal landed on his head, I still managed to hit my target. I jumped for joy when I saw the sandal slammed on his head.

« Yes ! » I shouted, jumping. He let out an angry cry, suddenly turning to look at me. His eyes were full of anger, he looked like an assassin, a predator facing his prey. He grimaced, his eyes wide. He pouted. What I noticed was his hand, he was clenching his fists so hard like he was going to punch me, he was mumbling, I heard it echoing in the empty room.

— Fucking slut ! I’m going to kill you !

His threats made my heart beat so hard that I regretted my actions.

I laughed when I saw his reaction. He approached me quickly, I told myself that I was going to die, buried in the garden of the manor or even that my corpse would be fed to Mr. Prescott’s dogs. I lifted my dress, ran again with all my strength, and climbed the stairs that led upstairs. I still heard my killer’s footsteps behind me, but I kept running in search of help to save my miserable life. I was sweating a lot. I couldn’t find the way, there were several doors, and various rooms that I didn’t know which one to open. I walked down the entire hallway. I had gotten lost.

Which door to open ? Which corridor to take ?

The mansion was a maze, it was so vast. I was shooting. Breathless, I felt my heart give out.

I heard footsteps behind me, I didn’t know where to go. I decided to move forward, to go where ? I was coming back.

It was sure, I got lost. Suddenly, a hand squeezed my shoulder as I screamed, my life was going to end before it even began. Annah was right, I was going to die a virgin !

I slowly turned around to beg him for forgiveness, and beg him not to kill me because my aunt is dying and she needs me.

The man finally answers me :

— What ? What the hell are you talking about ? Killing you ? I’m not going to kill you and why will I ? Answer me instead, where have you been all this time !

I realized that the man’s voice had changed. I remembered. It was the little man who had accompanied me. I was relieved.

— Um… So, I… Um… I… (I couldn’t find the words, and I was out of breath.)

— What happened to you ? Take back your breath. Did you run ? Where the hell is your sandal ? No matter, ( he sighed, nodded desperately. ) Mrs. Prescott is ready to see you, follow me, and this time, don’t get lost !

I nodded and followed him. I followed in his footsteps. Finally, I arrived at Mrs. Prescott’s door. The man in question knocked on the door, a doorman opened it under her orders.

— Madam, the niece of one of your servants wishes an audience.

— Let her in, please.

He told me to come in, and then closed the door behind me.

I saw Lady Prescott, she was so elegant. She wore a beautiful garnet and silver colored dress. She wore jewelry on her neck, arms and even her hair. She got up and walked haughtily. She carried herself well, a good posture that could intimidate anyone. She walked with confidence, she was what you could call a Lady. She could rival a queen or a duchess.

Brown hair and light gray eyes, for her age, she looked younger.

When she saw me, she looked disgusted, she stared at me, even making a slight grimace. I was ashamed, she looked down with contempt, I remembered that I had lost my sandal because I ran away. I dusted off my dress and fixed my hair to make myself look more presentable.

— Where is your shoe, young girl ? And you’re sweating a lot, have you been running ? In my home this kind of negligence is not tolerable ! Be presentable !

— I’m sorry ma’am, I lost it when I ran away…

I stopped talking, I didn’t want to tell her that I had attacked one of her employees because he saw me dancing in the ballroom without music like crazy, so I was looking for a good lie to save myself from this mess.

— What did you run away from ?

— Hum… of… of… ( An idea came to my mind. ) of a rat ! I shouted, an enormous rat, a dirty brown rat with gray eyes. I threw my shoe at it and ran away because I was afraid it would kill me ! I said, gesticulating like a child.

— A rat you say ?

I nodded, and she believed, she even ordered these servants to kill and search for this cursed rat. She was furious. She said she wouldn’t tolerate if this kind of thing happened again. This justifies the total cleanliness of each room and the scent of roses in every corner of the house. Mrs. Prescott was strict when it came to cleanliness and good manners.

This lie saved my life.

— Anyway ! I heard the news about your aunt, how is she doing ? Please, sit down !

I sat down at her command, facing her, while she drank tea.

— She is not doing well, her age no longer allows her to work. And she sent me here to inform you. She doesn’t want to lose her job.

— If she can no longer provide us with her services, then I grant you my permission for her resignation, she said with a placid tone, sipping her tea.

I was confused by her response, I didn’t want my aunt to lose her job, I wanted this woman to help us.

— No ! She doesn’t want to resign, seeing as she has worked in your mansion for years, she told me that I could ask for your kindness, to leave me my old aunt’s place. She’s dying, and we need money, ‘’ I ‘’ need money to save her. I started speaking loudly, not realizing that my tears were starting to fall.

— But we have a lot of servants in the manor and…

— Please ! I will do double the task of my aunt, I will be devoted and faithful. I will work every day without respite if necessary.

— Miss, we don’t recruit like that. We have criteria and…

— I know how to cook, clean, read and even write ! I beg you, I don’t want to lose my aunt, I don’t want to lose my family again. She’s all I have left in this damn world. And I know how to do everything, laundry, everything…

— Alright alright ! But stop crying. It’s true that I owe you everything for your aunt’s services over these years, so I have the honor of accepting you.

— I am indebted to you, Madam !

I wiped my tears, hope was reborn in my mind.

— You start working tomorrow at seven o’clock, the delay is unforgivable, you must be punctual.

— Yes Madam ! You will not be disappointed by my service and my loyalty

And that’s when my problems began, my entry into this mansion was the beginning of the transformation of my life. Nothing was the same anymore, I experienced passion, love, death, shame and even depression. This work that I thought would save my aunt from death is just a portal to lead her and the others there.

I never thought that my decision to be part of this mansion would change the course of my life, and my destiny. It all starts now, and it ends with a single snap of your fingers. My naivety and my dreams will guide me to my downfall.