...
Since the day we said goodbye.
I didn't think about you. Not even a little bit. But then suddenly you decided to ask how life is going. I spoke the truth. And then you did. And that changed everything.
I forgot you, since the day we said goodbye. But as I asked you how you're doing, you just said everything is fine and you didn't think about me neither.
I don't know why.
But it hurt me.
It hurt my feelings.
And I started to remember all the memories we had.
What if we just never spoke that day?
I wouldn't start remembering you again.
I started to remember you, since the day you forgot me.
And I didn't know why. It happened so fast I couldn't even understand how I'm remembering you even though I deleted every message, every foto, and every memory of you. Of us. I started remembering you. And it started to hurt me, since the day you were healed from it.
I couldn't handle the fact you're forgetting everything we went through so easily. Even though I did the same thing, I couldn't imagine you doing the same.
Since the day you told me you're living your life peacefully without a memory of us, I started drowning inside the memories.
I really felt unloved. Like I'm not worthy of being loved. I felt everything in your one message. I could hear your voice through the words I was reading. I could hear the naked truth behind every single letter. I felt like I was nothing to you.
No.
I KNEW I was NOTHING to you anymore.
In that moment I felt the energy you gave me in all these years travelling back to you.
The energy you gave me. Leaved me.
It welcomed your body.
And without that energy, I felt empty.
Since the day your energy left my soul, I begged for it to travel back to me again.
Since that day. And it's been months. Even half a year.
Whatever I asked you after that day, you ignored me for hours. Not one hour like you did before, no. It was 11 hours. And I was there, waiting for ANY RESPONSE of you, making scenarios and worrying if anything has happened to you, only for YOU TO RESPOND ME with the coldest answer you could ever give me.
I begged for your energy to travel back to me again, yes, but what's travelled back to me was your cold, negative energy.
And I was dissappointed.
I asked myself what I did wrong. After every present I made for you, after everything I did for you.
I still lost you, even though I tried to heal your heart with my broken pieces.
Yeah, you're healed now.
And I asked myself why I couldn't heal.
Then I remembered.
I lost you.
But not even as a lover. Our love story never began. I lost you as a friend. As a best friend. Our journey was about friendship. It always was. We were there for each other. Even though we had some goofy problems nobody cared about, we listened to each other for hours.
It was not a love story where the girl has fallen in love with a boy who loved someone else, no.
It was a friendship where both of us would heal each other if we got a heartbreak from other love stories.
That was a different type of love.
It was a bond.
It was friendship.
It didn't matter to you how mad I was at you because I thought you had other bestfriends, you would still write paragraphs to help me stay calm.
You would write paragraphs to explain me the truth in every single detail even though it's obvious. I overthought. And you explained.
You always asked dumb questions and I got mad at you. 'Cuz how can you just ask something that DUMB like that? But after time I just laughed it off and punched you because you were embarassing.
But we never got that mad at each other. We knew it was just some sort of fun to make each other mad.
But it's history now.
And I lost you.
The old you.
Your energy.
Since that day.
Since the day you moved on to another page, I started to scroll back and search for the old memories.
Sometimes I wish it never happed.
Sometimes I'm glad it happened.
'Cuz I won't fall into this trap again.
I won't lose myself for others again.
Since that day, you started changing my perspective.
Now I don't know if you're good or bad for me.
Maybe you're nothing to me.
Like I am nothing to you. Anymore.
That's why I don't feel home like before anymore when I'm out with friends.
It's the lost pieces you stole from me.
I can't find true joy and happyness when I'm out with friends anymore.
I'm hurt.
And you've healed.
It's my turn to heal from the negativeness.
I just don't know how long it will take.
And if I'm ever gonna find any friends like the old you.
Maybe I just did find them. Maybe I'm overthinking again. Maybe I have trust issues now. And I can't tell anyone. 'Cuz there is no us anymore.
Cuz I'm nothing to you anymore.
And you are nothing to me anymore.
