Her mind

"I'll talk to you later"... That was her last word. I don't know what happened after that, and I don't know what she meant by later. I was waiting for her calls for 3 hours and more, but she hasn't called. She was happy her sound was okay she was laughing and joking around, but what I don't get is what happened next. What happens after she hangs off the phone? Was there anyone else in her room? Was she sad enough to do all this? Or what am I missing? I've been in a relationship with her for nearly 6 years. But last night was the last moment for us. We were planning our wedding, we even choose her wedding dress online shops, we choose our favourite cake, and we even choose our maid of honour. What happened in the last minutes? We were together through the valley and everything. She was on my side so am I. I thought I was her best friend and a closer person to her soul. She never hides anything from me. I know about her family issues, her childhood traumas and all her dirty lies. I even know all her secrets but not anymore. I thought I was there. I've loved her from my soul. She was the only one who loved me beyond everything. But why did she choose this over me? Why suicide? What was she missing in her life? I know maybe sometimes we had our hard times and crying nights, but we've passed it all by being there for each other. She's gone for good but what about me? For or with whom should I talk about it? She was the only soul I run to whenever something came up. I got no better person than her. She was my comfort but she isn't here anymore. To whom should I confess my stupidity and silliness? Do I deserve to be alone and unhappy? Even her wedding dress arrived at our place when there was no more of her. When I get back from work this morning I was dying to see her beautiful smile. My hands were wide open to hug her and keep her in my arms for a while. But instead, our house was filled by them, crazy policemen. She was set on the flour covered by that white fabric thing. I was in shock I was expecting someone to come and splash some water on my face to wake me up from my sleep. Because I don't wanna accept that this is all real, I wish it was a bad dream. Expecting her smile I got her dead body in my hands. What exactly was I missing here? What was on her mind these whole years? What was she lacking in life?…