Chapter 1
Love was meant to be forever, moreover with you it ended sooner than it should have been.
One year of dating.
One Year of Marriage.
And a lifetime of pain.
Today as I wake up, the memory of those words you whispered in my ear come back to life in my brain like it happened minutes ago and not almost two years. Those words that meant the universe to me, now are old memories.
“As the morning arises, and the sun light hits your beautiful frame which makes me feel like the luckiest man on earth sweetheart and let’s not talk about our kisses in bed that make me desperate to feel more of your love.” How much I resent those love words now.
You left me for a mission I never knew about, and you never had the guts to inform me about it. Nic, you promised the day we got married that you would be with me until the end of our lives!
How dare you do this to me!
You lied to me and deceived me, how naïve was I, now I am suffering the consequences of my love for you. Every day I have terrible hallucinations of you in our bedroom, shower, kitchen, and living room.
There isn’t a room in this house that I can’t feel your presence. My rational thinking knows you aren’t here anymore but how do I explain that to my heart.
I have become the isolated widow in this town that everyone talks about, I don’t have it in me to go out with friends anymore. I am mentally exhausted because your absence is taking my life away little by little.
Nic if only you knew what you did to me. I bet you wouldn’t have left.
Three years ago.
“I can’t believe we are married, Nic,” I say in a high voice, unable to contain my happiness. After a year of dating, we decided to take the ultimate step. Although Nic’s parents thought our decision was rushed, we loved each other deeply. For us, it was love at first sight.
I wrap my arms around his neck and seal our lips together. This was the happiest day of my life!
“I love you Nic.” Those words come out of me easily when I’m with you.
“I love you too sweetheart, although I understand this wasn’t the wedding you envisioned, but one day we will have a ceremony recognized by the church. Today it’s just on paper, but soon it will be with the church’s blessing.”
Present Day.
Today, another day without you. All I have are memories of what I had, of what we were. Each morning is a struggle to get up from bed and go to work, life lost its color without you. My friends and coworkers have tried to make my life easier, and I appreciate it but the pain I feel in my heart won’t go away.
I have lost weight in these past two years; Today is your second anniversary. All my clothes don’t fit me anymore, but I can’t bring myself to buy a new wardrobe. I feel like if I replace any of my old garments it would be as if I erase my past and I’m not ready for it yet.
I do have my three meals a day and snacks, I don’t understand why I am so thin. I try my best to be healthy because I know you wouldn’t want me to wither away.
As I change for work, I realize I have been talking to you as if you were here. How silly I must look but this has been my routine since you left.
I can imagine you sitting on the opposite side of the bed, smiling at me. I can practically hear you asking me how I’m feeling this morning.
But I know deep down all this is in my head, nothing is real. What brings me back to reality are my salty tears that are running down my cheeks and lips. I know I need help, but I can’t move on, yet I need more time with him.
Nic, why did you have to go! Why didn’t you tell me your plans? I was your wife and would have supported you even if it hurt. If only you had told me and not the letter. I take one last look at our bedroom before I leave for work. “See you later love” I say to the empty house.
Once at work my co-worker Mark asks me the same question as every day. “Good morning, Lori, how are you today.” I know he does it with good intentions and I appreciate it he has been my friend since we were in high school. I give him a small smile and greet him.
“Good morning, Mark, I’m fine thank you, how are you today.” He stays quiet for a moment; he knows I’m not fine, but he doesn’t push me.
“Today I feel like I could survive a hurricane if one came.” He answers with a wide grin.
