Do You Want to be Trapped

Holly

“I told you man, if I hadn’t gotten baby trapped by her, then I wouldn’t still be with her. This whole wedding thing is my parents forcing me to do the right thing. I never would have married her otherwise.” Collin says to whoever was standing with him in the back of the church.

I wasn’t supposed to be there. The bride wasn’t supposed to see the groom before the wedding. It’s back luck everyone kept saying. I guess they were right. I snuck to get a look at the man I was getting ready to marry and I got the worst news ever.

Collin didn’t want to marry me? He thought he was baby trapped? Did that mean he didn’t love me as well? I could get the whole getting married to an early thing, but you could feel that way and still love the person you were set to marry. Right? I stand there with my back against the wall, hand over my mouth and tears threatening to fall from my makeup covered eyes.

“I thought you loved her?” the voice asks. I recognize the voice as his brother Tommy.

“I like her well enough, but I don’t think I love her. We’ve only been together a few years.” Collins says with a scoff.

Only a couple of years? How damn long does it take to figure out if you love someone? I knew after about three months that I was on the path to loving him. And yet here we were two years later, and he doesn’t know if he loves me? What in the world was I missing?

He told me all the time he loved me and I had no reason to not believe him. Collin had been honest and upfront with everything we faced in our relationship. If he didn’t like the way things were going, he always told me. We communicated everything, or at least I thought we did.

“What are you gonna do then? If you don’t love her and don’t want to get married, then I don’t see this lasting very long,” Tommy says.

Tommy was the younger of the two and yet he always seemed to be the more mature of them. Tommy looked up to his brother, but he never picked up any of his brother’s bad habits. Why couldn’t Collin have been the more mature one in this situation?

“What in the world am I supposed to do? Huh? Tell me how I get out of this? Mom and dad told me I would lose my inheritance if I didn’t marry her! They love her to death and now that she’s having their grandchild she never has to worry about a thing for the rest of her life!” Collin says with spite.

“Are you saying you think she did this because of money?” Tommy asked, shocked. I could hear the irritation in his voice.

In the time it took Collin to answer, my heart shattered into more than a million shards. He was hesitating, and that was all I needed to hear. I walk away because I know there is nothing he can say now that will change how I feel about what I heard. Collin had made it perfectly clear that he didn’t feel the same about me as I did him.

I place a hand over my small stomach. I was only three months along, so my little peanut hadn’t started making their presence physically known. They did however make sure to give my stomach a daily reminder that they were there and in charge.

Oh God, what am I going to do now? I can’t marry Collin, knowing that he feels this way about the marriage. I’ve never thought about what I would do if I were a single mother. I’m sure our families would help, but the last thing I wanted was for them to think I was just using this child to gain something.

Collin’s parents were wealthy, but they had never lorded that over anyone. My parents were your average middle-class people who made a comfortable living and were generous. They weren’t happy when they learned I was pregnant and unmarried. But the longer the idea was around the better they felt about it. Will they still be happy when they learn I won’t be getting married?

I round the corner, heading back to the dressing room, and I bump into my sister Haven. It only takes her a second to look at my face and see that I’m not okay. I feel her hand take mine and she leads me away from the room where everyone is waiting for the wedding to start.

“What’s wrong?” She asks her eyes, swimming with concern. “And don’t think you can lie to me.”

Haven is five years older than me and I’ve never been able to lie to her. She has that crazy mom talent to know when someone is lying. Haven had been my best friend, sister and protector all in one. I was lucky to have her. She was as tough as nails and ran with a motorcycle club in the next town over.

“I snuck off to get a glimpse of Collin.” I say. My tongue feels huge in my mouth, making it hard for me to speak.

“That wouldn’t make you look like someone killed your favorite duck.” She says plainly. I may be a little obsessed with these ducks that live in a pond in the town park.

“I also overheard his conversation with Tommy. Haven, he doesn’t want to marry me. He doesn’t think he loves me and he feels like he’s being forced into this marriage.” I finally let the tears fall.

Haven comes and sits next to me on a sofa in the church library. We were all alone and there was a deep silence filling the room. With all the emotions running through me, I felt my other senses heighten. I could smell the flowers in the sanctuary on the other side of the church. I could also smell the cocoanut deodorant that Haven was using.

I look at the shelves holding the books. My vision seems to be as clearer than it has ever been and I can read the numbers on the stems of the books. I blink a couple of times to get the tears out of the corners of my eyes. I just stay like this, waiting for Haven to say something, anything to make this all go away.

“What do you want to do sweet girl?” Haven asks as she wraps an arm around my shoulder.

I look at the difference in our arms. We’re both in sleeveless dresses and it’s hard to imagine that we’re sisters if you look at our arms side by side.

Haven has an olive complexion where I’m more peaches and cream. Her black hair is the opposite of my white almost silver locks. Her arms are covered in tattoos while mine are still pure and white without a scratch or scar to be seen.

“I can’t go through with this wedding. Why would I marry a man that all but hates me? Do you think he’s going to take the baby from me?”

“Holly, if he doesn’t want to get married to you I think it’s safe to say there’s a good chance he’s not going to want the baby either. I’m going to get Mom and Dad,” Haven said and left the room.

While waiting, I sat there and tried to look for any signs that Collin didn’t want to be with me. He had been the one who brought up marriage. I was fine with continuing as we were, but he insisted. But I guess I know now why that was. His parents wanted the marriage.

I couldn’t blame them for any of this. They were always kind to me and I couldn’t find a fault in what they wanted. Who knew if Collin even told them we weren’t worried about marriage?

“Holly, honey!” My mother cried as she ran to me.

She sat down beside me and pulled me into her arms. I knew the tears she had were for me and not for losing Collin. My parents treated Collin fairly, but I could always tell there was something about him they weren’t all that fond of.

“Have you talked to the little bastard?” Dad asked.

“No, I just overheard him talking to his brother. Are you upset with me since I’m going to be a single mother?” I asked, afraid of the answer that I could get.

“No! God, no. Honey, we love you and there’s nothing in this world that you could do to change that.” Dad says as he walks over and hugs me and mom.

“How should we go about doing this? The guests are mostly here and waiting for the show to start.” Haven asks.

There’s a look in her eye that lets me know she would love nothing more than to hit Collin in front of the church full of people. Part of me wants that to. I loved or love that asshole. I’ve always given into him and did it with a smile. Yet I’m the one with the broken heart.

“When it’s time for me to walk down the aisle, I’ll stand next to dad and tell everyone that there’s not going to be a wedding.”

“Honey, you don’t have to do this. One of us can handle this. I don’t want you putting any more stress on yourself. You’re having a baby.” Mom says, placing her hand on my cheek.

It was an odd feeling to know that on one hand I wasn’t loved by the person I thought, but on the other was my family loving me the way I needed. It was like having a mini war breaking out in my heart. I was devastated but happy at the same time.

I know that in the near future this is all going to hit me and I’ll be a mess. Hell, I may even lose my mind. I’ve been so in love with Collin that the thought of us not being together never crossed my mind. I have been living in the delusion that I was loved as much as I was giving out.

“No, I have to face this head on. I’m going to need the strength I’m using today to help point the way I need to go later.”