Prologue
I am a monster. This is not an opinion or assumption or even an insult to me. It is a fact. I’m not like the monsters we read as little kids, like Draculaura or Frankenstein, the ones that were made by the figments of someone’s imagination.
I’m not Micheal Myers or Chucky the doll, who are used to terrify people in their sleep as a nightmare. I’m a real-life monster.
My life is not like any of those stories, it is not as black and white where there is a “good guy” or “bad guy”. It’s all swirls of morally gray, the darker ones that are nearly black and the ones that are so light you would think they are white.
Everyone thinks that monsters are just all inherently evil, like the first thing you picture when hearing the word “monster”, you think about some nasty looking creature that kills people. From my perspective, yes that is a part of being a monster but it's so much more than that.
It's the darkness in your soul that causes you to do the most darkest things, horrible things, and despicable things. It's the darkness in you that just wants to hurt others so bad, the darkness in you that wants to spread and not only consume you but others around you. In a way it's like being a parasite, you're so empty inside so you feed off the pain of others to make you feel pleasure. It's sick really.
I wish I could be describing someone else. I wish I could be anybody else. I wish I wasn’t a monster. The sad part is I wasn’t always this way. I was young once. I crave to go back to those times. Back when I saw the world with rose tinted rainbow glasses. Where I was happy with who I was.
Now, at 26 years old, I feel like I’ve lived for a hundred years and wish it would just end. The darkness and the pain that is in my soul, it hurts so much because I wasn’t meant to be this way. The worst part is I’m not the only monster.
Another monster turned me into what I am today. That’s the only reason why I’m still living to tell this story, revenge for my younger self. My younger self didn’t deserve this ill-fated life. She was innocent. But that's just the thing.
The one thing I have learned in this lifetime is that the monsters are never slayed by the protagonist. It is always slayed by the bigger and better monster.
