Them
It feels like eveytime i take you out you come back in.
Like a leech feasting for more and more until im so drained i barley know what’s happening.
Feasting off of my kindness that i so gratefully give even though you deserve nothing.
Taking advantage of that taking advantage of my weakness knowingly.
Doing it with a straight face laughing at my pain.
Laughing as i fall to the ground picking up the pieces of my heart that you ripped out and broke.
Leaving me broken and empty.
With no tears left to cry i sit in pain throughout it all.
But you get joy from that
You know whar your doing you are very aware.
Im very aware but what am i there to say.
Im only a dumb fat pig whos worthless and worth hurting.
.
I sit in empty thought.
No energy no movment in my body its hard.
Like my soul left my body like nothings real.
Like trying to be perfect.
But i cant even get up from my bed much days.
Getting taunted by faces of those.
Those that hurt me and leech off of my hurt.
Dreams about them winning.
Dissapointing all.
Family,friends, acquaintances.
But making them happy so they can laugh and joke about it.
How i was struggling but didn’t tell anyone because i was to afraid
I still am too afraid but atleast im aware very very aware.
Comparing myslef to others i know more then i think.
I know why they do what they do.
Not jealousy, but pain.
Everyone heals differently but they chose not to.
Putting back the things they should because deep down they hurt.
If i owed them an apology i would but I don’t.
Although i pity for them i dont feel upset or try to help i just pity them.
Simpley because i know what it feels like.
Not because i like them.
What they did to me was unfortunate.
Unforgivable.
Trying to pick up the peices of myself the broke.
Trying to fix myself for them.
This feel of anger and sorrow just isn’t right.
I cant feel for them but im upset.
Im upset at myself,
For being as still as a doll.
Being out of body during it being too nice and not noticing.
The way I suffered was because of them.
My own state was because their stupid choices.
I can’t understand it.
Being as fragile as glass but being as hard as a rock.
Im hard to read hard to hear hard to stand.
Scared of their consequences.
Scarer of the outcome.
They lie and lie until nobody can belive me.
They get no consequences though.
I belive karma comes.
But i wish it came sooner.
I wish they felt what i feel. But thats hard to want, I shouldn’t but i do i want them to feel what i felt.
The day they did those things to me.
The days i spent in my room crying because i thought i was worthless.
Endless hous of being sad to be shaken up and left to cry.
By people i cared for.
