Dark Desires

I, Sofia Ramon, do solemnly swear off men permanently. That’s right! Only work for me, and I’m lucky enough to have an amazing job that I love. I work for the law office of Schmidt & Thomas, a prestigious, up-and-coming law firm in downtown Baltimore. I should be happy, right? Wrong! I’m a perfectionist and a workaholic. It’s an unhealthy coping mechanism. I know that. I also know I can only keep up with this stressful routine for so long before I burn out from the stifled emotions and exhaustion.

I guess it’s baggage from my childhood, but show me a person without some baggage. It was six o’clock, and I was still at the office. I’m always in the office at least an hour or two after everyone leaves. Okay, the truth is it’s more like two or three hours.

Well, that’s the way it was before Erik. Then Erik had freed me from that tedious existence. Post-Erik, life, for the most part, was back to normal, and I was back to my routine. There was one difference though. The silence I used to enjoy was deafening now. I couldn’t seem to get anything done. I would find Erik in every novel I read and every song I enjoyed, which would only be followed by a torrent of tears.

Before Prince Charming, I would stay behind and get so much done. No ringing phones and no people demanding my attention. It’s amazing how much you can get done when the office is empty. However, now the empty office seemed so lonely. The silence gave my mind room to wander and think about what I had and what I could no longer have.

The office was large. There were two corner offices, surrounded by glass, facing the Inner Harbor. The view was simply amazing, and it never failed to take my breath away. The reflection of the vivid lights on the water from the surrounding buildings shimmered like a crystal chandelier. It was stunning.

Sometimes, I’d find myself gazing out of the window, lost in my thoughts, more now than before. The view was wasted on the person that the office belonged to. It was Kyle’s and he rarely used it. Kyle Schmidt and Brian Thomas were the senior partners of the firm. When they started the firm, it was just the two of them in one room in the basement of an old building. Now they’re one of the top firms.

There were three associates on the team—Raven Hunter, the overachiever with something to prove to everyone, especially me; Michael Travers, the laid-back attorney for whom everything came so easily; and Erik, the newest member of our team.

Erik Riley, the sweet and sexy man of my dreams, formally known as Prince Charming, was now part of our little team and it would continue to grow in part due to Erik’s success. I’d been both the office manager and the paralegal for all the attorneys, but now that Erik was here with all the business he was bringing in it was going to become too much for me to handle. I did not have time to be an emotional wreck. I was barely holding on as it was, but I had to get it together because work was one area that I refused to let the other parts of my life affect.

They were a brilliant bunch, but they could be a handful. They definitely made me earn my pay. They were like spoiled children. The ones that whined and got whatever they wanted; stomping their feet the minute you, in their opinion, took just a little too long. They could be so demanding and bitchy sometimes. Of course that excluded Erik. He was always so polite and courteous. Am I being biased? Perhaps, but the others just worked my nerves. To be fair there were days when they were fairly reasonable but for the most part, I found myself needing to bite my tongue. On those days I focused on my job and not how annoying the people I worked with were.

Do I sound a little bitter? Sorry. I’m not in such a great place. Can you blame me? I’m throwing a bit of a pity party. It’s been so hard remaining professional with Erik, but he was a co-worker now, so it was off-limits! The man was gorgeous, and I was having a really hard time keeping things strictly platonic.

Honestly, I was a little more heartbroken at how casually he had taken the breakup. After ignoring him for two days straight at the office, I gathered the courage to invite him over for dinner and a movie. Throughout the movie, I repeatedly opened my mouth to initiate the inevitable conversation only to close it, defeated.

“Erik, we need to talk…” I said finally, taking his hand in mine.

“Oh boy, I see where this is going.”

I doubted that. How else could he have looked so unbothered?

“You do?” I asked, a little unsure.

“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”

Finally, there was some semblance of sadness in his voice. “Is it because of work?”

“Yeah. Well, I’m not really comfortable with–”

“Sofia, I understand.”

I couldn’t gauge his reaction. He just wrapped his arms around me. I was able to hold back my tears, and that was my only source of comfort. Later, I found myself growing resentful at his indifference.

If I’m being honest however, I did like working with him. I liked all my colleagues, at least in those rare moments when they weren’t being brats. Well, maybe not Raven. If you met her, you’d know why, but we’ll get to that.

Kyle, in general, was a pretty cool boss. He could be annoying sometimes, but he’s still a great guy. He’s a mentor and father figure to me. That was a big deal, considering I never had a father in my life. My father decided it was too much of a bother to stick around when he left my mother. Kyle took me under his wing. I started answering phones and filing for him my freshman year in college. He has encouraged me every step of the way since.

My long-term goal is to become an attorney one day, and he reminds me every day that I can do it. He has his moments, but I have no complaints. I love my job. The biggest perk? Lots of vacation days, and the sweetest part of the deal—wait for it—the Keurig.

Okay, just follow my logic. It was truly a paragon of convenience. Think about it. I had enough to do. I was the only paralegal with five attorneys. I had to put up with awful clients, deadlines and on top of all of that I was managing this office. And I was expected to do all of this with grace and poise. I’m trying not to roll my eyes right now because that isn’t very graceful. What? I’m a work in progress, but I digress. Back to Keurig defense. Honestly, did I have time to make coffee too? So, he spared me the task of making fresh coffee every morning and washing the pot every evening. So even at six in the evening, as I stood lamenting about my ex all alone, I felt grateful for the steaming cup of coffee in my hand.

Small as it may seem, it meant a lot. Now that didn’t stop him from occasionally pulling rank and asking me to bring him a cup. I think he secretly did it just to annoy me. Didn’t I say he had his moments? I knew he loved me though.

It had only been two months, but Erik was on fire. He was bringing in new clients every day, one of whom was Jack. Jack Rustler was one of our biggest clients and one of the few people Erik trusted. He was one of Erik’s oldest friends. Actually, they were more like brothers. Erik and Jack were college roommates and were there for each other through the most difficult times of their lives. Jack trusted Erik with his life, so to trust him with his business and his money wasn’t a hard decision.

If you’re wondering how I came to know all that, it’s because Jack was no stranger to me. I’d met him when Erik and I were dating. I knew most of the personal stuff, but I picked up on just how involved he was in Jack’s business, and it was quite a bit, now that Erik and I were working together.

There wasn’t much that remained under wraps at this office. After all, it was a law firm. Everyone here was gifted with the art of persuasion, interrogation, and negotiation. It would be damn near impossible to keep the lid tight on our private lives no matter how hard we tried. Maybe that’s why I was so hesitant about getting involved in workplace affairs.

Now, here’s a fun fact about Jack and Erik’s relationship. While trust was a given, they were extremely competitive with each other. It was quite interesting to watch them at times—entertaining, to say the least. It even seemed like a rivalry rather than a friendship sometimes. However, in the end, the bond between them was undeniable.

So, there I sat alone in silence, trying to focus, contemplating just where to start as I found my thoughts shifting from Erik and wandering to the latest interest in my life, Jack. Yes, you heard that right. Jack, the new client. I know what you’re thinking. Yes, I did say I was done with men, but hear me out. He was extremely persistent, and the man was absolutely gorgeous. He could make a nun renounce her vows. Does it sound like I’m trying to justify my behavior? You are absolutely correct!

There’s something to be said for persistence. That combined with him being absolutely mouthwatering seemed like valid points to me. If you saw him, you would understand. He was six feet, two inches of muscular bronze yumminess with seductive golden-brown eyes that shimmered like glitter. The only thing to rival those beautiful eyes that promised warmth and kindness was his chiseled jawline and flawless smile. I was blinded by his beauty, and oh right that persistence thing too, so no judgment! I’m swooning and getting all off track.

Like I said earlier, Jack and Erik had known each other since college. Both bonded through life experiences and tragedies. Early in college, Erik tragically lost both his parents in a car accident. Jack was an only child, and his family took Erik in as one of their own. Several years later, when Jack lost his wife to cancer, Erik was there to lend a shoulder.

They were inseparable and so much alike. They both wore success well. They were stubborn at times but so very kind and friendly. Mostly there was a fierce determination and competitive nature to them, almost to the point where it seemed aggressive at times, but boys will be boys, right?

As similar as they were, the immense loss they both experienced caused them to express their emotions quite differently. Erik seemed to internalize what he was feeling. While playful, he could be a bit aloof at times. Perhaps that would explain the way he handled our breakup. It didn’t make it hurt any less.

Jack, on the other hand, was fiercely determined to embrace life. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and he was on a mission to find love again. And the hunt was on. Honestly, I couldn’t blame him. I agreed with him. Loss or tragedy shouldn’t rob someone of joy but motivate them to live every moment like it’s their last.

Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not like Erik is emotionally crippled. Not at all. In fact, I’d say he was rather old-fashioned when it came to matters of the heart. He just doesn’t make it so obvious. Deep down, he’s a hopeless romantic. For goodness’ sake, we met at a coffee shop after all. How much more old-fashioned and cliché could it get. Does it sound like I’m defending him? I’m not! Just sticking up for my friend. I’m totally over him, NOT, but I digress.

It was remarkable how similar they were at a cursory glance, yet how heavily their personalities contrasted once you got to know them. Erik was wild and adventurous, while Jack was more reserved and conservative. All qualities to love and admire. However, there were more similarities than differences. The most notable was that they both had the habit of getting what they wanted, especially Jack.

Lately, Jack had his sights set on me, hence my wandering thoughts. Like I said, I’d met Jack before he became a client. I was seeing Erik at the time, but whenever we were in the same room, I could feel his eyes on me. I felt rather flattered but indifferent to his attention. Now that Erik and I weren’t together, the relationship was no longer an obstacle. At least from his perspective.

Jack started pursuing me ardently. My past with Erik didn’t deter him in the slightest. It only encouraged him, strange as that may sound. He sent roses every day. He insisted on hiring a car to take me home every evening.

“Such a beautiful woman should not be riding the bus, especially considering how late you leave the office,” he would say, and I realized that chivalry and hopeless romanticism was another characteristic the friends shared.

Jack called every day at the same time to ask me how my day went and, of course, to invite me to dinner. After six weeks of constant attention, him pursuing me and asking me out, I finally gave in and accepted his invitation to dinner.

Let’s face it, Erik and I were never going to be together. We were stuck in the friend zone, and I was ready to accept that. As far as I knew, he had already moved on. Friends and colleagues—that was as far as it could go between us. Things were pretty much over between him and I, so no harm, right? It’s only dinner, I told myself.

Wrong! Oh, I was so wrong. Hold on to your socks, people, and pull up a chair because I’m about to tell you just how wrong I was.