Crystal's Heart

I think, in this world, there is nothing more beautiful than...comfort.

There’s something wonderfully tragic about the comfortability of everyday boring routine.

Some people see routines as chains on your ankles... boxes to keep you inside...prisons.

Not me.

I love my routines, much like how babies love their blankets.

And much like a baby attached to their blankets, I have a difficult time letting go.

Please, don’t.

Don’t take away my blanket.

I need my blanket.

I need it.

I need-

“Crystal...My Crystal’s Heart.”

I don’t remember how long he existed, but for me, he had always been there since the beginning. His large callus hand carefully held my small ones. Light tears down his quivering pale lips. Pale lips that always manage to curve into a soft smile.

Strong arms that would always hold me...making sure I won’t break...protect me.

“Da...da.”

Those were the first words that left my small toothless mouth.

There it is again.

Those quivering pale lips that curve into a soft smile.

“Did you hear that? She called meda-da.”

“Yay for you. I mean, it’s not like I went through hours of labor.”

“You’ll get your -ow.”

It’s those small moments in life that somehow seep into the back of your memories, and somehow when something tiny...insignificant happens, those memories sip back...just for a moment.

Enough to tangle your breath.

Yet much too short to stay with the morning sun.

But, how long can the sun last?

Not too long, I hope.

It can’t stay forever.

I need the moon to wander back.

Return my memories.

Return me to the past.

“Who is Daddy’s little girl?”

Back to the pale soft smile.

“Who wants candy?”

Back to the wrinkled eyes.

“Let’s not tell Mommy okay?”

Back to the deep laughter.

“Promise?”

Back to...my blanket.

“Crystal.” I refused to allow my eyes to meet hers. “It’s a good school. Josh is here, and Hailey will be here too. You’ll have a lot of fun.”

I know there’s an unpleasant look on my face. What’s there to be happy about when your mother decides to send you to a private boarding school? They can sugarcoat it all they want, but it’s all translated to -I don’t want you home.

Looking at the buildings - tall, well-cleansed, and carefully designed to the grain of dirt - there’s no doubt it wasn’t built with governmental funding. Rather each building - brick - was funded by someone powerful and wealthy.

“Your mom is right.” He smiles, “You’ll have fun, I promise.”

I couldn’t help but let out a short chuckle which earned a nasty look from my mom.

“It’s okay.” He walks toward me, like a kitten strutting over eggshells, one wrong step - one wrong move and cracks. “I know you think we’re here because you think we’re sending you away, but we really aren’t. I went here, and-”

“Didn’t you hate your parents?” That question was enough to earn a second dirty look from Mother Dearest. “Didn’t you try to sue your parents?”

“Crystal-”

He shakes his head, a signal to stop Mom and to push away my stingy questions, “That’s not the point.”

“Didn’t the parents you hate and sued, send you here?” I smile, “I think I got the point pretty...well on point.” I know I’m allowing my emotions to cloud my judgment, but what type of teenager am I if I think rationally?

Cautiously, he positions his hands on my shoulders, and waits for me to look at him before he says: “I do hate my parents, but I don’t hate you.”

“Maybe, I hate you.” I look at my mom, “And you too.”

Mom rolls her eyes.

“You can hate us all you want, but we love you.”

“I hate it when you do this.”

He smiles, “I know.”

“Die.”

“I will and you will get everything.”

I remove his hands and look at Mom, “Stop him.”

She shrugs, “The man loves you.” She turns her head, “Hopefully enough for both of us,” she mumbles under her breath.

I glare at her.

“Yes?”

“I’m mad.”

“And how is that my problem?”

“Mom.”

She shrugs, “I’ve tried to prep you for this for...weeks.”

“Tryyears,” I replied. “You showed me the pamphlet years ago,” I remember when I was in elementary school, my mom showed me a pamphlet from Pandora High School. I only remember it because they made the school look like a small town.

“You said you thought the jacuzzi was cool.”

“Yes, but it doesn’t mean I want to go here.”

She smiles, “Sorry to burst your bubble hun. Other schools won’t accept you.”

“Private schools won’t accept me.”

“Home school, once again, is not an option.”

And now, we return to our cycle of mother-daughter bickering. It started small, but the sparks only increased the chance of fire. But, before the flames can burst, he interferes between us and asks us to: “Cool down.”

It’s easier to send Mom away, so he did.

As she walked away, she screamed: “I love you! Stay safe!”

“Yeah! Sure yah do!”

“I do!”

“Yeah! Sure!”

There’s a part of me that understands why we fight every other day - every day. Have you ever seen a coin? There are two sides - two sides of the same coin that could never see each other viewpoints. That pretty much summarizes my mom and me.

“I said: I do!”

“Yea-”

“Crystal. Crystal.” He covers my view, “Please. Not again.”

I narrow my eyes, “You send Mother away, so you can lecture me?”

He sighs, “You know it’s not like that.”

I know he’s not lying. He would never lecture me without my mom present. The lecture is a facade, to show Mom he can be a good...dad.

How he can put his foot down.

Blah. Blah.Blah.

Boring details.

“Do you have your cell phones?”

“Yes.”

“Call us if you need anything, okay?”

“Hm.”

“Tell us if someone is bothering you.”

“Will you get rid of them?”

He smiles, “Of course, I will.”

“Can you get rid of Josh?”

“Anything for you.” Quickly, he hugs me and kisses my forehead. “If things get rough here, tell me and we can talk about homeschooling. But, for now, please give this a try.”

I look up, “Fine.” I exhale softly, “But, I heard it’s a shared dorm.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Fine.”

In times like this, I wish he would leave so it wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable. Or better yet, they should’ve said their goodbyes on the private jet instead of the front of the school. Around us were mainly students, rarely any parents were present. And even if there were parents present, they were primarily from scholarship students.

“You can call me anytime you know.”

My face tightened, “For what?”

He shrugs, “Just to talk.”

“About what?”

“Anything.”Idiot. “I’ll pick up even if you only want to complain.”

“Okay.” For some reason, he’s still here. “You can go to mom now.”

His body moves around in an almost fidget-like state before he exhales softly, “Right.”

“Don’t tell me,” I say. “You want a sad goodbye or something?”

“No.” He shakes his head, “Of course not. I mean, it’s not a permanent goodbye since you can take the helicopter or jet or whatever you want to come back and visit.”

When I notice the tears in his eyes, my sight jerks to focus on something - anything else. It was a mistake to look back, “Are you crying?”

He wipes his eyes, “No. No.”

I close my eyes for a moment and sigh, “Please, don’t cry. You’re a grown man.”

“I...I’m not crying.”

I grunt, “Please, leave.”

“I-I-I will. Just give me a moment.”

“Jackson!”

“Crystal. A moment longer...please.”

When I noticed others’ eyes, the embarrassment only grew. Alongside the embarrassment was anxiety. I got closer to him, “Can you gather yourself faster?”

After several sniffles, he exhales, “I’m sorry.”

“Look. I’m not that mad,” I said. “A bit upset that mom was sending me to boarding school, but with the attitude that I inherited from her, I saw it coming. So, chill. I’ll be back.”

Steadily, a smile creeps on his face, “Really?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

Despite my protest, he hugs me, “You know, I love you right?”

“How can I not know that? You only remind me every day.”

“Because I really do.” He kisses the top of my head again, “I love you my Crystal’s Heart.”

“Yeah. You say that now,” I grumble.

“Hey,” he says softly, “I told you before, and I’ll say it again. There’s only you and Dustin. No one else.”

“Really?”

He smiles, “I promise.”

Promise.

Promise.

Promise.

What are promises meant to be?