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Naoki is my little brother. He’s 16, and I’m 19.

We grew up in an apartment devoid of love. We never knew our father, and our mother treated us like animals. She abused both Naoki and me.

I always tried to shield Naoki from the blows, but we both suffered every time. She hit me the most. She couldn’t stand the flames of hatred she saw in my eyes when I looked at her.

I couldn’t bear to see Naoki being hit. She could do whatever she wanted to me, but not to him, that was out of the question. She hated that I protected Naoki at all costs.

Our apartment was always in disrepair. Our mother rarely took out the trash, neglected cleaning, and spent most of her time out, leaving us alone at home. Alone, abandoned, just the two of us drowning in our sorrow.

Sometimes, she’d come back late at night, or sometimes she wouldn’t return for days, not caring whether we had enough to eat. Naoki and I always managed to find something to eat.

There were times when, upon her return, she’d bring a man with her. We knew then that we had to stay quietly in our room, where there was only a small futon for sleeping. Naoki and I had to huddle together to keep warm and endure the cold.

Some kind men came into our lives when Mom brought them to the apartment, but there were also very cruel ones. They’d hit Naoki and me if we didn’t leave them alone with our mother. They couldn’t stand our presence.

One day, Mom left. We were used to it, expecting her to return a few days later. But days turned into weeks, and then months. That’s when we realized she had abandoned us, leaving us in that filthy apartment.

That’s when we learned to live without the fear of waking up wondering, “Will she hit us today?” Despite the persistent discomfort, we gradually filled the apartment with love. The love Naoki and I had for each other was unbreakable.

As long as we were together, nothing scared us. Naoki has always been weaker than me, with fragile health and a frail body. That’s why I have to protect him above all else. No one is allowed to lay a hand on him.

Adults no longer exist for us, not them, not anyone. We don’t trust anyone anymore. It was always the same when we tried to be obedient, good kids. We were always mistreated, as if we were worthless.

We kept growing up in that apartment. From childhood with Mom to now, just the two of us, alone.

So, “let them keep treating us like trash, trash is our home.” That’s what I always tell Naoki.