Taking Chances

I am lost.

That, as much, is all I know.

Sinubukan kong igilid ang sasakyan ko para muling magtanong sa mga tao na nasa gilid ng kalsada pero wala sa kanila ang nakaka kilala kay mama. Walang may alam kung nasaan sya dito.

Inis na pinalo ko ang manibela bago muling pinasibad ang sasakyan. I don’t know where I am exactly. All I know is that I am in a small town called Santa Elena in the northern part of Pampanga.

I drove and drove without really knowing my destination. I know that it’s a stupid move to come here unprepared, but being pissed and desperate isn’t my strongest suit.

This morning, nalaman ko na nagpatawag ng secret board meeting si Daddy. Ang agenda? To oust me as the CEO of the board. Nalaman ko lang nang makasalubong ko ang isa sa mga silent board members na si Dra. Flores ang lahat. Ang sabi nya, apat out of the twelve board members lang naman ang bumoto para mapaalis ako na ang grounds ay misconduct na kahit ako ay walang alam.

I was so pissed. I had to let go of my anger. Nagsimula akong magbato ng kung anu-anong gamit from my office. Pakiramdam ko ay sasabog ako o makakapanakit ako ng tao. My office looked like a hurricane passed it when I calmed down.

A few more minutes at nakatanggap ako ng tawag mula sa private investigator na inupahan ko para hanapin si mama. She’s been gone for almost twenty years. Simula nang iwan nya kami ni Daddy ay wala na akong balita sa kanya. I was ten years old.

I should hate her, but the only thing I feel towards her is pity. Sampung taon lang ako nang makita ko syang hila hila ang isang maleta isang madaling araw. Ingat na ingat sya sa pag galaw nya. I was about to go to the kitchen to get something to drink pero sya ang nakita ko sa hallway.

I could have called her. I could have stopped her. Pero hindi ko ginawa. Umiiyak sya habang naglalakad sya palabas dala ang maleta nya. Nakita ko na hinatid sya ng mayordoma namin hanggang sa makalabas na sya sa gate.

And I know why she did that.

My father’s a cheating bastard. Ilang gabi ko nang naririnig si mama na umiiyak prior to her leaving. Naririnig ko silang nag sisigawan ni Daddy palagi. He was hurting her, at wala akong nagawa. I was just a boy. Hindi ko noon maintindihan kung bakit ganoon ang nangyayari. All I know is that my father has problems.

Kaya nang makita ko syang umalis.. anong kaparatan ko na pigilan sya? Nasaktan ako pero mas lumuwag ang pakiramdam ko seeing her go.

After that, my father left with his mistress.

Pinalaki ako ni Gran, my father’s mother. She became the parent that I never had. She raised me and turned me into someone far from what my father had become.

Five years ago, I became the CEO of Arfuego Industries, the family corporation. Nanatili bilang Chairwoman si Gran. Then, three years ago, my father came back like nothing happened and assumed an executive position. Kasama nya ang isang batang babae. He told us na anak nya iyon sa kinasama nya.

He never heard me complaint. Malaki pa rin naman talaga ang shares na nasa pangalan nya. At wala akong pakealam kung ilan pa ang naging anak nya sa labas.

But ousting me as the CEO with a misconduct issue? This is so low.

Kaya nang matanggap ko ang tawag ni Neil, ang private investigator, my desperation consumed me. Nagbanggit sya na may nakapagsabi na lumipat daw si mama sa Santa Elena sa Pampanga mula sa Mandaluyong.

That was what all I need. She is what I need.

But I didn’t realize na kahit gaano kaliit tingnan sa mapa ang Santa Elena ay binubuo pa rin iyon ng labing isang Baranggay. I tried asking for people if they knew my mother. I showed them a picture, an old one, and gave them the name, pero walang nakaka kilala sa kanya.

Nalipasan na ako ng gutom. Pagod na pagod na rin ako sa pag mamaneho. Dumaan ako sa isang restaurant at kumain bago muling nag libot. I don’t know exactly why I was still driving around. Nag aagaw na ang dilim at liwanang nang makakita ako ng isang lumang waiting shed.

I decided to stop. I parked my car at the left side and I got out. Naupo ang sa concrete bench at huminga ng malalim. Tanging lupain na puno ng talahib ang nasa harap ng kabilang daan. Sa likod naman ng waiting shed ay slope pababa sa isang pang highway.

Nagpasya ako na magmuni, kasabay nang pagpapahinga. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagod ng mga kamay ko. I opened the first two buttons of my polo and just let the cool wind hug me.

Wala masyadong sasakyan ang dumadaan sa harap ng waiting shed. It’s peaceful. Nakatingin ako sa kawalan nang marinig ko na may taong umupo sa kabilang dulo ng concrete bench.

It was a woman.

May dala syang plastic na may laman na mga tin cans. Lungayngay ang ulo nya. She was moving in a slow motion.

Kinapa nya ang plastic na dala nya at kumuha ng isang tin can. Beer.

“Gusto mo?” Pati pagsasalita nya ang slur. Inaabot nya sa akin ang beer na hawak nya.

I am pretty sure she’s drunk.

“What?” Gulat na tanong ko.

Ngumiti sya sa akin. Her eyes where chinky. Naka full bangs sya na ngayon ay gulo gulo na. Her hair’s a mess. It gave her the just-woke-up look. I find her cute and very pleasing to the eyes.

“Sabi ko, kung gusto mo ba? Malungkot uminom mag isa.” Umusog sya papalapit sa akin at inilapag ang beer sa gitna namin.

Kunot ang noo ko na tiningnan sya at ang beer bago ko ulit ibinalik ang tingin sa mukha nya.

Maputi ang babae, medyo mamulamula ang pisngi nya, malamang dahil sa pag inom nya. I smelled beer, pero humalo iyon sa fruity scent ng pabango and it gave an odd and funny smell.

She was wearing a black t-shirt with a logo of a certain rock bank printed on it. The jean she was wearing on the other hand was bleached. It hugged her curvy legs down to his red chuck taylors with a rainbow shoelace.

“Sige na, huwag ka nang mag dalawang isip. It’s my treat.” Bahagya syang lumapit para sikuhin ako.

I tried to move away pero nasiko nya pa rin ako.

“You’re drunk.” Imbes ay sabi ko.

“Hindi naman. Nakainom lang.” Then she giggled. “Uy, sa’yo ba yang sasakyan na yan?” Bigla ay nanlaki ang mga mata nya. Nagpalipat lipat ang tingin nya sa akin at sa sasakyan ko.

“Uhm, yeah.”

Tiningnan nya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. “Ah. Mayaman ka?” She blinked a few times looking at me as if nasisilaw sya.

Parang paliit ng paliit ang mga mata nya habang tumatagal.

I was caught off guard with her question.

“I guess I am?” I don’t want to sound bragging, pero sigurado naman ako na makikita nya sa pananamit ko at sa sasakyan ko na ganoon nga ang estado ng pamumuhay ko.

Tumango tango sya at muling sumimsim sa hawak nyang can ng beer.

Napangiwi ako. I looked at my wrist watch. It’s just past six and she’s already drunk!

Liningon nya ako ulit pagkatapos.

“Ayaw mo ba akong damayan? Sige na.” Kinuha nya ulit ang beer na nakalapag sa pagitan namin at inabot sa akin.

Atubili ko iyon na kinuha. It’s still cold.

“It’s still early to get drunk.” Imbes ay sabi ko.

Tumawa sya. “Walang pinipiling oras ang pag inom ng alak!” Masiglang sabi nya pa at uminom sya ulit sa hawak nya.

I had the urge to tell her to stop, but I realized I shouldn’t care. She’s a stranger. Malay ko ba kung modus operandi nya ito para pagnakawan ako?

She may look decent, but she may have an agenda.

I cleared my throat and moved a little far from her. Napansin nya iyon pero nagkibit balikat lang sya bago muling tinungga ang laman na beer na hawak nya. She slightly crushed the can and threw it at the back after she emptied it in one gulp.

Mataman ko syang pinagmasdan. Her lips become fuller from sipping through the beer in can. Nakatunganga lang sya sa daan, her shoulders slumped.

“Masarap ba talaga maging mayaman? Nakukuha o nabibili nyo ang gusto nyo kasi madami kayong pera?” Unti unti nya akong nilingon.

Doon ko napansin na hindi nya ako kailangan tingalain. I am six foot tall, at hindi lang nagkakalayo ang agwat ng taas ng mga ulo namin. Wow. This girl’s tall.

“Hoy.” She waved her hand in front of my face. “Huwag ka ngang mangtitig. Sagutin mo yung tanong ko.”

I cleared my throat. I wasn’t staring at her exactly; I was looking at her head. “What was it again?”

Bumuntong hininga sya. “Tinatanong kita kung masarap ba maging mayaman kasi madami kayong pera at nakukuha o nabibili nyo lahat ng gusto nyo?”

Her head is swinging. Parang anytime ay hindi nya na kakayanin mag balance at mapapahiga na sya.

“Shit.” I cursed. Automatic akong lumapit sa kanya para masalo sya, but she regained her balance and gave me a funny look.

“Hoy, bakit mo ako minumura?”

“What? I didn’t.” Gulat na tanong ko.

“Sabi mo, shit!” She used her point finger to poke me in the chest.

I sighed. “Alright. Tell me where you live. Ihahatid na kita.” Suko na sabi ko. Although tinatantya ko pa kung makakapag turo pa ba sya ng daan once na isakay ko na sya sa sasakyan.

May boses pa rin sa likod ng utak ko na iniinsists na baka kawatan ang babae. But she’s clearly drunk. Kung modus man ’to, she’s not very professional because she got drunk even before she can steal something from me.

Tumawa ang babae. “Wala na akong bahay.” Parang wala sa sarili na sabi nya.

“What?”

Tumango tango sya. She purses her lips and looked at me with puppy eyes. “Mayaman ka naman diba? Malaki ba bahay mo?” Then she chuckled. “Huh. Sigurado ako. Bakit pa ba ako nagtatanong?” Tapos itinuro nya ang sarili nya.

“Miss..” I got a little bit confused at the moment. Anong ibig sabihin nya na wala syang bahay? Is she serious?

“Iwan mo na lang ako dito.” Now her eyes are just open in half.

Napailing iling ako.

I came here to find my mother and to unwind, not to attend to a drunken stranger.

Luminga linga ako sa paligid. Madilim na. Tanging ang ilaw sa shed na lang ang ilaw na nasa paligid pati ang mga street lights sa highway na nasa bandang likod ng shed. If I leave her here alone, who knows if may mangyaring masama sa kanya?

Shit.

I’m not even supposed to be here.

“C’mon. Ihahatid na kita.” Hinawakan ko ang kamay nya kasabay ng pag tayo ko pero mabilis nya iyon na hinila.

“Virgin pa ako.” Biglang sabi nya.

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko. “Uh..okay?”

“Gwapo ka. Mabango. I am sure maganda rin ang katawan mo tapos mayaman ka pa. Alam mo, kung hindi na ako virgin, aayain kita mag sex.”

I blinked a few times, still getting more confused on what she was saying.

“Pero ang tanong, papayag ka ba?” Tiningala nya ako at tumawa sya.

Napalunok ako sa tanong nya. My eyes wandered through her face down to her neck, collar bone and to her body. Alright, she’s actually my type. Although I don’t really go with chinitas, but this drunk woman’s actually really pretty.

“Hoy, minamanyak mo na yata ako, eh.” She giggled.

I sighed. Damn it. I am not here for this.

She tried standing up pero nawala sya sa balance. Mabilis ko syang nasalo. I pulled her closer. I froze when I felt her arms hugged me. She purposely buried her face into my chest. Naramdaman ko na inaamoy nya ako.

Bigla ko syang binitawan pero hindi sya bumitaw.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Ang bango bango mo.” Parang dreamy na sabi nya. “You can be Dominic.”

Who the hell is Dominic? And why is she mentioning other man’s name while hugging me?

“Sino si Dominic?” I feel pissed all of a sudden.

And I feel pissed that I am feeling pissed just because she mentioned another man’s name.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Pilit kong inaalis ang pagkakayakap nya sa akin pero ayaw nyang bumitaw. Natatakot naman ako na malakasan ko ang pag tulak ko sa kanya at baka matumba sya.

“Bidang character sa kwento na sinusulat ko na hindi ko matapos tapos.” Bigla ay parang nawala ang sigla sa boses nya.

Lumuwag na ang pagkaka yakap nya sa akin hanggang sa tuluyan na syag bumitaw. I suddenly miss the warmth her body gave to mine. I feel like an idiot wanting to pull her again.

Her face turned into a frown. Muli syang naupo sa concrete bench, at ganoon din ang ginawa ko.

“You’re writing a story?” Bigla akong naging interisado. She just said I can be Dominic, the hero of the story she was writing. It gave me an excitement of some sort.

Tumango tango sya. “Writer ako, hindi lang halata.”

Ako naman ang tumango. “Writer? Like, writer writer or hobby writer?”

Tinitigan nya ako tapos ngumiti sya na parang nahihiya.

“Writer writer.”

“Really?”

She nod. “May dalawang novels na ako na napublished na. Two years ago tapos last year. Sa ngayon naka tengga muna ang sinusulat ko.” She looked down at her hands on her lap.

“Why?”

“Sira laptop ko. Wala pa akong pangpa ayos.”

Slow motion pa rin sya magsalita at para pa rin syang matutumba anytime pero kahit papaano ay mas bumuka na ang mga mata nya.

Wala na akong masabi.

“Hindi ka pa ba aalis?” Maya maya ay tanong nya.

“I can’t leave you here.” Mahinang sabi ko.

“Okay lang. Hindi ka ba natatakot na baka bigla na lang kitang saksakin?” Parang nang aasar pa na sabi nya.

“How about you, what if serial killer pala ako?” I said back.

Her smile faded. Tinitigan nya ako na parang kinakapa kung may katotohanan sa sinasabi ko.

I chuckled. “Of course I am not!”

Ngumiti sya na para syang na relieved.

“But seriously, ihahatid na kita kung saan ka man pupunta.” I looked at my wrist watch. “And I really have to go now.”

Her eyes lingered on my face for a few seconds na parang nag iisip pa sya.

“S-sige.”

Inalalayan ko syang sumakay sa sasakyan dahil hindi pa rin sya makapaglakad ng maayos.