Losing Me

"Grams,I’m home.” I shooted as I closed the door behind me. No response.

Of course, I thought.

I dropped my backpack on the floor and leaned it against the table in the front hall and made my way to the kitchen. Opening the window by the sink, I washed my hands, letting the light breeze cool my face.

I grabbed some leftover chicken and rice from the fridge and placed it on the counter. I saw that the tuna sandwich I made for Grams was gone. Good, at least she ate today, I thought as I set two places at the table.

Just the two of us, as usual.

Then I went upstairs to check on Grams.

Gram's room was always dark but you could still make out how beautiful it was. She had a four post king size bed with a full canopy. The oak dresser and vanity table were carved in detail and the oval mirror with etched framing was a breathtaking piece. The side tables were also beautifully carved and crystal lamps were placed eloquently and symmetrically on either side. There is a clock on the side table next to where she's sleeping and the other side has a sweet picture of my Grandparents wedding picture. Happier times, I imagine. The afternoon sunlight behind the cranberry silk drapes gave off a soft, red glow in the room. Grams didn't mind it because red was her favorite color.

I tiptoed slowly into the room to get a closer look at Grams. She was wrapped in a little ball under her blanket. So peaceful, I thought. Quiet and relaxed.

Totally the opposite from when she's awake.

I decided to leave her be and wake her up when dinner is done.

I went back downstairs and headed to the front hall to grab my backpack. It wasn't there.

But I did leave it there. Didn't I?

I looked around and didn't see it. So I checked in the kitchen and there it was, on the floor by the table. Is that where I left it? Still confused, I grabbed my laptop and placed it on top of the table.

I tapped my fingers lightly on the keyboard, making a clicking noise while not actually typing any letters.

Geography was staring at me right now. Who needs Geography anyways? I'm not planning to travel. With whom? Mom and dad are ... and Grams is too old and miserable to even go to the park together.

I close my eyes. If I could leave this place, it would be to go where mom and dad are, but I can't; cause I'm alive and they're ...gone.

Gone.

That's really the only way I can say it now.

It's been a year but it still feels like yesterday. And that voice playing over in my head saying "I can't believe they're gone" is on repeat with every breath I take ever since they di...have been, well gone.

I still remember that night a year ago.

The doorbell was ringing non stop and I could hear, mom's best friend, Janice's voice, crying uncontrollably, outside the front door. I could see her trembling as she was rambling about a car accident, the snow storm and that everything will be ok; that I will be ok.

It was then as I opened the door, I realized that the accident involved my parents and that they were rushed at the hospital. Janice was in her pjs, hugging herself, wiping her red, puffy eyes. She gave me a sad look, "Quick; lock the door and come. I have an uber that will take us to the hospital."

I froze. I couldn't hear aunt Janice. Only a loud ringing sound in my ears and my heartbeat was pounding out of my chest. Now, thinking back, I honestly think I was having an outer body experience at that point.

Janice shook me vigorously, screaming my name until I came too, "I'm sorry Abby. I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" Janice cried more, hugging me tight.

I felt her body wrapped around me. She was shaking so much I began to feel nauseous. This isn't good. Janice is a problem solver; a positive person. She always looked on the bright side. I bet she didn't see herself losing her best friends. I know I didn't.

The hospital was busy and bright. We went through the emergency entrance. Janice clinging to my left arm guiding us through the traffic and B-lining to the front desk. She told them who I was and that my parents were brought in by ambulance. She lied in desperation that she was mom's sister. Everything was moving in slow motion and I was blinded by what I was going through.

I don't know what she said to them or how we got into dad's room. They said mom was in emergency surgery. When we got there he was connected to machines and wires were all tangled around him. The room was filled with different sounds that each machine was making.

Janice pushed me in front of her to dad, "Here's Abigail, Brian. I brought her to you." Janice started to cry hard again. A nurse came into the room and stopped and glared at us as she questioned us about how we got there.

Janice lost it on the nurse and began to argue with her behind me. I just stood there and stared at dad. He laid lifeless. Not sleeping. Lifeless. I wanted to shake him and wake him up. I wanted to scream so loud that he would hear me.

Don't leave me please!!

But he did...Both my parents left me that night.

I was startled back to reality by a loud repeated beeping sound. My eyes followed the sound to the fridge. The door was left open. I went to the fridge and closed the door. I jerk my head to the side trying to remember if I had closed it earlier. I wouldn't be surprised if I had left it open. These days I'd lose my own head if it wasn't attached.