Loving her
She was different from the others. She wasn’t popular or overly pretty, but she was special, she struggled with life but put on a smile so no one would be burdened with her pain, she had good grades but cried herself dry, she was funny but felt tired and misplaced, even with all this she would continue as nothing is wrong.
He didn’t know what made his heart speed up by a mention of her name or what made his normally pale cheeks get dusted with a light pink when she talked with him, but he liked it. He didn’t care for life but something about her made it seem almost worthwhile to wake up in the morning.
She was just average height with long brown hair that somehow manage to shape her face perfectly, her freckles added detail to her lightly coloured skin and her eyes were such a beautiful blue it was as if the sea and sky got plucked from reality and put in her eyes. To any other person it would seem like she looks like any other normal girl with brown hair but to him she looked as though she was one of a kind.
She was friends with many and with that came the list of people who liked her, his heart ached when another would come and confess but it withered away when she would reject them and then turn to him with a scrunched-up face and whispered “they’ve definitely got something wrong with them if they like me”.
Being friends with her was hard, having to talk to her well she smiles and tells her story and not accidentally spill the words “I love you” out or being close to her and wanting to wrap his arms around her just because he wants her close. It was all so hard for him. He didn’t understand why she didn’t love herself; he didn’t understand how she couldn’t see how beautiful she was, and he didn’t understand what made her overthink or starve herself.
When it was cold outside, she would wear an oversized hoodie and bundle herself up trying to keep herself warm. Her cheeks and nose would be pink from the wind blowing on her face causing her to look small and precious. Her knees tucked up under her chin with her face on top trying to preserve any warmth she has; he wanted to stare at her forever.
People say loving someone is hard but it’s the showing someone you love them part that’s hard. Falling for her was easy, loving her was simple but he struggled with showing it. How do you truly show someone that you would give them the world when you struggle to even whisper the words “I love you.”
He wasn’t one to do stupid things but for her, if she asked, he would do it in a heartbeat and yes it might sound cliché and that’s he’s in over his head with this and that’s it's just a silly little teenage crush but its more than that. A crush wouldn’t make him want to sacrifice anything just to be with her, a crush wouldn’t make him want to plan his life just to make her happy even if that meant not being with her, if she was smiling it was worth it.
He'd imagine what it would be like to be with her. The thought of her wearing his hoodie made his heart flutter and it got worse the more, he thought about what would happen, midnight picnics well laying down on the grass star gazing, small kisses getting sneaked in well studying, waking up in the morning to find her curled up beside him with her head on his chest. It sounded perfect and well he knew it wouldn’t be and that sometimes they would get angry and fight, he would hope to go up to her and hold her and apologise for whatever stupid little thing it was about.
he loves the way she made herself seem confident when inside she was self-conscious, he loves how she wasn’t afraid to cry and look like a mess, he loves the way she skips instead of walking and the way she’d drift to sleep in the middle of class, he loves her, and he could list a thousand more reasons why.
She has many imperfections and unhealthy habits which made him love her even more showing that she’s human and that she isn’t perfect. He noticed when she’s nervous or uncomfortable she bites her nails and when she’s struggling with focusing, she gets fidgety and can’t sit still.
He didn't want to be friends, why would he? He wants to be so much more but is too afraid to ask. He can’t be friends with her and watch her fall in love well he hopelessly stands there fighting himself to ask, to be close to her and show her what it’s like to be genuinely loved, to be given everything even if she doesn’t ask. He didn’t want to be a fling or a summer love, he wanted to be her world, her future and one day her family. He will never, stop loving her.
