I Know What You Judges Did Last Spring

I Know What You Judges Did Last Spring!!!

This short story is a spoof, that follows a constant victim name Mathew, who everyone in his community not only LOVED doing things to scare, but they worshipped scaring him. Giving Mathew a hard time to scare him was everybody in the community’s hobby. …well, almost everybody.

STAY TOONED…

Three guys, who were scheduled to work as judges for the upcoming karate tournament known as The Warrior’s challenge, stood outside of the Sidekicks Dojo, watching Mathew spar against various opponents and win.

The entire outside surroundings were infested with spiderwebs, looking as if it’s a haunted house. …more so, a haunted community. This was all for the purpose of scaring Mathew. A bat, giant spider, and a giant scorpion lurked about. Even a Red Brick Pizza delivery driver drove by in a beat-up car uttering, “I’M LOST! I can’t find the address where I’m supposed to deliver the pizza to!”

At a distance, two guys, one bald, and the other with curly hair known as the fake producer, who was dressed in a two-dollar jogging suit and 50 cent sunglasses, were arguing.

“I’m a producer,” said the fake producer.

“No you’re not! You work at Walmart!” the bald guy replied.

The three judges ignored the minor things that were going on around them, for they were focused on Mathew. The karate guy they were jealous of, envious of, and loved giving a hard time to for the purpose of scaring. …just like 97% of the California community did.

“Wow, Mathew is good,” said the first judge.

“Yeah. He’s beaten everybody he’s sparred with in the dojo,” said the second judge.

“Yeah! And that makes me jealous. So jealous, that having everyone in the community give him a hard time to scare him constantly ain’t enough,” said the third judge.

“Yeah, we agree with you! We’re jealous of him too!” said the first and second judge.

“You know what guys, I know how we can get him!” said the First Judge, then he said, “Let’s cheat him out of points at the Warrior’s Challenge Karate Tournament. That way, it’ll make us three judges feel good.”

“That’s a good idea!” said the Second Judge.

All three judges laughed.

Suddenly, Mr. Sing, an Indian Red Brick Pizza Manager, dressed up as a dead zombie, came up to the judges saying, “ROOOOAAAARRRRR!”

“GET OUT OF HERE!” the First Judge said to Mr. Sing.

“Yeah!” Said the second Judge.

“Or we’ll make you compete in the Warriors challenge and cheat you out of points like we plan to do to Mathew!” said the Third Judge.

“Oh, I’m sorry guys. I’m so stupid. I thought one of you was Mathew,” Mr. Sing said. “If you guys plan to give Mathew a hard time by cheating him out of points, then we’re on the same side. I must continue to scare Mathew. He stood up to me at Red Brick Pizza when I called him an idiot.”

“Well let’s join forces,” the Second Judge said to Mr. Sing.

“And don’t worry. At the Warrior Challenge Karate Tournament, ran by DAVE DONE, we’ll make sure Mathew has bad luck,” said the Third Judge.

Mr. Sing and the three judges laughed.

At the tournament…

Mathew beats everyone he spars with, but the three judges are constantly cheating Mathew out of points, so it looked as if Mathew lost every match by scoring less points than everyone he fought.

The First Judge said, “Okay, Mathew won, but we cheated him out of points and gave his match to the other fighters.”

A guy dressed as Dracula, a guy dressed as a harry guy, a guy dressed like a giant pig, and a guys dressed up like a dog yelled in excitement, “YAAAAAY!”

Mr. Sing stood up saying, “Now it’s MY turn! Attention all of you who are jealous of Mathew and worship scaring him. Mathew stood up to me at Red Brick Pizza when I was so stupid, I called him an idiot, and wouldn’t give him the day off because his great grand mother died. And when his car broke down, I threatened to fire him if he didn’t get a new car soon. So let’s get Mathew. CHAAAAARRRRRGE!”

A two headed monster beat Mathew with a huge stick while uttering, “YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO GIRLS AT THE GRACE ON CAMPUS BIBLE STUDY!!!”

A bully lifeguard named Mitchell hit Mathew with a bat yelling, “YOU DON’T SWIM VERY GOOD!”

Two Antelope Valley College Security Guards started beating up on Mathew with their clubs. Security Guard #1 yelled, “ROOAARR!”

Security Guard #2 yelled, “NO! DOUBLE ROOOAAAARRRR!”

A pregnant woman with a curly afro said, “I DON’T LIKE HIM, and I’m not gonna let him see the face of my baby who I had back in 2024.”

“I’m gonna seek security on him because he won’t tell me rather he’s married or not!” said a Fat Happy-Go-Nappy Ghetto girl.

“Mathew, we’re gonna trick you into thinking you have to be done with all the dishes at 8:00pm at the Linker Services Dining Facility at Edwards Air Force Base,” said a five headed Super Viser.

“Mathew, I love lying to you saying you crashed our PRIVATE get together at our karate school near the Santa Clarita mall!” said a guy named Geofry Espendoza.

“Mathew, if you wear that Marine Corps shirt again, you better be ready to fight!” said an ex-marine named Jim, who was dressed in a cowboy hat. Then he said, “I’ll fight you right now! I CAN KICK YOUR BUTT!”

“Mathew, God is a god of sickness,” said a lying minister named Andrew Jones.

Then another lying minister named Larry said, “It’s not your job to tell people about the man we have to accept to go to heaven, which is Jesus, it’s God’s job.”

Then a guy who broke into Mathew’s friends house and answered their phone said, “I don’t pray.”

All these lunatic people said all this stuff while stomping and kicking the life out of Mathew. After they got done stomping and kicking Mathew, leaving Mathew motionless, Mr. Sing approached Mathew and said, “Mathew, fun’s over.”

Mr. Sing wacked Mathew in the head with a stick.

The following week. At the Santa Clarita Police Station…

Spiderwebs were everywhere. The scorpion, the spider, and the bat were lurking. The lost Pizza Delivery Driver drove around the police station saying, “I’M STILL LOST!”

And…. Auh no! Not these guys again!

The Fake producer said to the bald guy, “I’m a producer.”

“No, you’re not! You work at Walmart!” said the bald guy.

On the inside of the police station, Dave Done said to the police officers, “My Tournament was a MESS! Everybody jumped on my student Mathew!” Where were you guys when I tried to call you!?! And I mean, I tried to call the HECK out of you!”

“I’m sorry Dave Done. Me and my officers were busy tracking down Centari Warriors on the Centari hit list,” said the police captain. “See? Take a look at the hit list.”

“Wait, the elderly Machado jiujitsu brothers are on the hit list?” Dave Done said. “I’ve known them sense 2026! They’re not Centari warriors!”

“On the contrary, take a look at this holographic video,” another police officer on the team said, then showed the video.

On the video, the elderly Machado jiujitsu brothers are heard yelling, “WE’RE NOT EVIL CENTARI IMPOSTOR ALIENS!”

The cops shoot them.

The video’s data system reported, “From my readings, those were the real elderly Machado brothers, and not Evil impostor Centari Aliens.”

A furious Dave Dun uttered, “YOU IDIOTS! You killed innocent humans who I knew since 2026! Humans that were head of my martial arts system. YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS! YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS! YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS!”

“Dave Done, calm down. We took no chances; in case they HAD been Evil Impostor Centari Aliens. So we feel great!” Said another one of the officers.

The police captain said, “Hey, Dave Done, just forget it. It’s a good thing that we take no chances with the Evil Centari Aliens. If we don’t kill them all, they’re gonna blow up this entire community. And here’s some other good news. Your student Mathew is being rebuilt at Fred’s Martial Arts lab.”

At Fred’s Martial Arts Lab…

Same as every place else, decorated with spider webs, the scorpion is wandering about along with the spider and the bat. The Lost pizza delivery boy is driving around the area shouting, “I’m Lost!”

And then…

My GOSH, GEEZE! These guys again!

…the Fake producer said, “I’m a producer.”

The bald guy says, “No you’re not! You work at Walmart!”

Meanwhile, on the inside of Fred’s martial arts lab, Fred and his taekwondo crew were rebuilding Mathew. There were about ten people working with Fred.

“How long is this gonna take?” a taekwondo person asked Fred.

“Until December 31st of this year. Then after we rebuild Mathew, he’ll go hunting down the people who gave him a hard time,” said Fred.

“Wait. Isn’t seeking vengeance a sin?” the taekwondo person asked Fred.

“Yes,” Fred answered. “And so is worshiping another person’s suffering. Just like many people in the community worshipped Mathew’s suffering, which is why they would do anything to give him a hard time. Sometimes God uses other people to teach people a lesson.”

“If people don’t stop worshiping giving Mathew a hard time, I’m afraid things are gonna blow up in everybody’s faces,” said the taekwondo person.

“Well, it does say that those who worship idols will be put to death. So yeah, it just might blow up in their faces,” said Fred.

Lol… ‘said’ and ‘Fred’. that rhymed!!!

Another person walks up to Fred saying, “Okay, he’s ready. Let’s install the combat programs.”

The following Spring. Captain’s log. April 5th, 2054…

A brick building that had LOCK SMITH written on it, was on the beach. It was decorated with spiderwebs.

The spider, the giant scorpion, and the bat hung out. The Pizza delivery guy drove around saying, “I’m lost.”

And what do you know. The bald guy and the Fake Producer were standing on a boat still arguing.

Fake Producer said, “I’m a producer in Hollywood.”

“No, you work at Walmart,” repeated the bald guy.

You readers should be used to these two by now…

There was writing in the dirt that read, ‘I KNOW WHAT YOU JUDGES DID LAST SPRING!!!’

The stupid guy who told Mathew that he doesn’t pray, pointed to the writing in the sand and said to the two fake ministers named Andrew Jones and Larry, “Oh no, who carved this into the sand. It’s talking about the three judges who cheated Mathew out of points at the warrior’s challenge karate tournament around this time last year.”

“Yeah, And I’ Andrew Jones, the one who lied to Mathew saying that God was a god of sickness, started attacking Mathew with the rest of them,” said STUPID Andrew Jones.

“Yeah, that was fun,” said stupid Larry.

Suddenly, they heard someone making a noise like the Predator would in the 1987 movie titled The Predator.

The three looked and saw Mathew in the form of a robot coming.

“What’s that?” the guy who doesn’t pray asked.

“I don’t know,” Larry said.

“It’s coming this way,” Andrew Jones said.

As Mathew drew his sword and chopped off Andrew, Larry, and the guy who doesn’t pray’s head, all three of them screamed, “AHH HAH HAK!”

Jim suddenly approached the area and said, “Come on in you sucker! Come on in! Jim the Ex-Marine is waiting.”

Jim looked and saw the giant scorpion, and he said, “TUH!”

Suddenly, Mathew came out of hiding while throwing blood on Jim.

“UUHHHH!” Jim yelled.

Mathew aimed a laser gun at Jim head and took a shot, blowing Jim’s head into pieces.

“UHHHHHH!” Jim yelled one last time.

The girl with the curly afro who doesn’t like Mathew and won’t let Mathew see her baby said, “Auh ah. That’s why I don’t like Mathew, and I’m not gonna let him see my baby’s face.”

Suddenly, just like in the movie Predator, the girl with curly hair looked and saw three small glowing lights flashing on her. Then suddenly…

…A shot was taken, blowing the girls upper torso to pieces. The curly afro landed on the ground.

“Your baby is 23 years old you curly haired afro idiot!” Mathew uttered.

Suddenly, the five headed Supervisor showed up opening fire at Mathew, with all five heads saying, “We’re gonna kill you, Mathew! Because you had a hand grenade on Edwards Air Force Base. And you’re not allowed to use the other facilities on Edwards Air Force Base EITHER!”

Not being affected by the gunshots, Mathew kicked the right arm off the five-headed Supervisor.

The five headed Supervisor yelled in agony saying. “AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AUH AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Okay lying five headed Supervisor! It is time for me to demonstrate the one-inch punch!” said Mathew, just before he punched a hole through the Five Headed Supervisor’s stomach.

The Five Headed Supervisor yelled, “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Suddenly, a character that wasn’t seen at the beginning of this story named Tiffany, someone who hated Mathew without a cause, pulled out a huge knife, ready to fight Mathew with a knife, while the others who attacked Mathew jumped on a boat to retreat.

“Tiffany! Tiffany! Let’s go!” the bad guys on the boat yelled.

Tiffany only stood there holding her knife, waiting for Mathew to approach her. Suddenly, Tiffany was heard yelling, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

Suddenly, Mathew appeared on the boat, kicking the ghetto girl and the bully lifeguard into the water. The shark ate them.

Mathew then grabs the two headed monster by both of his necks and rips him in two as if he was making a wish.

“We have to split!” the two headed monster uttered.

Mathew then threw a spear at the two Av College campus security guards, causing them to yell in agony.

Mathew humored saying, “That’s my favorite spear. I named it Brittney!”

The three judges jumped off the boat onto the dock, running 200mph, even though that’s impossible. The three judges picked up their smart phone calling a bus driver for help saying, “HELP!!! BUS DRIVER!! MATHEW IS AFTER US TO KILL US!!!”

Suddenly, a bus load of people who LOVE scaring Mathew was driving on the beach with the bus driver on his phone saying, “Don’t worry. I’m gonna run Mathew over with my bus by being on the phone with you and not paying attention.”

WACK!!!

The bus ran over Mathew, causing him to malfunction and fall dead.

Suddenly, the Santa Clarita police, Dave Done, along with Fred and the people who created Mathew’s robot body showed, along with the spider, the scorpion, the bat, and the lost pizza boy from Red Brick Pizza.

Mr. Sing shouted, “YEAH!!! MATHEW IS DEAD!”

Mr. Sing started dancing around and SINGING, “DING DONG MATHEW! MATHEW! MATHEW! DING DONG MATHEW IS DEAD!” Mr. Sing was SINGING this song like in the Wizard of OZ. Well in Mr. Sing’s case, More like the Wizard of ODD! Lol.

Everybody’s attention went to the bald guy and the fake producer as they were still arguing.

“I’M A PRODUCER!!” said the fake producer.

“NO YOU’RE NOT! YOU WORK AT WALMART!” said the bald guy.

“WAIT A STINKING MINUTE!” Dave Done and the police officers said simultaneously. Then they simultaneously said, “YOU TWO HAVE BEEN ARGUING ALL THROUGH THIS WHOLE STORY! WHAT’S YOU GUY’S PROBLEM!?!”

The bald guy said, “This stinking fake producer is always in my face LYING to me and saying he’s a producer!”

The bald guy angrily pointed at the fake producer uttering at the top of his lungs, “YOU WORK AT WALMART!!!”

The fake producer uttered, “NO! I THINK YOU DO!!!”

The cops pulled out their guns and shot the fake producer and the bald guy to death.

“Police officers, what you do that for?” asked Dave Done and the ones who created Mathew’s robot body.

The cops showed everybody the obituary of the bald guy and the fake producer, which read that they died back in 2024.

The cops said, “You see guys? These two men died back in 2024. Those two guys we shot were Centari impostors who were about to blow up and take the whole state of California with it, and kill all of us. And as for the bald guy and the fake producer who died back in 2024, it’s a good thing they accepted Jesus into their lives like Mathew did. Or they wouldn’t be in heaven right now.”

“That’s what we all need to do. Accept Jesus into our lives so that we’ll go to heaven when we die,” said Dave Done.

Everybody, both the good guys and bad guys, bowed their heads and prayed to Jesus saying, “Dear Lord Jesus. I believe you died on the cross for me and was raised for my justification… I want your blood to wash away my sins…. I now receive you as my Lord and savior.”

“We shouldn’t have been idolizing giving Mathew a hard time. Because those who worship idols shall be put to death,” said all the bad guys.

Suddenly, the judges found another obituary and said, “Hey, everybody! You better take a look at this obituary we just found!”

Everybody took a look at the obituary, which read: DAVE DONE. 1966-2045.

The centari impostor, who changed himself to look like Dave Done nine years ago said, “WAIT A MINUTE! IF I’M NOT DAVE DONE, and Dave Done is in heaven right now as I speak!!! THEN that means, I’M AN EXPLOSIVE CENTARI ROBOT!!”

Then suddenly…

CLICK CLICK!!!!

BOOM!!!!

And there you have it. The entire state of California was now dead. For it is written. Those who worship idols shall be put to death!!!!

The end.