What is your opinion?
Quite an Interesting Story!
"Alright, this was quite a captivating story that kept me reading until the very end! I liked the plot of (SPOILERS) Irene, a demon unlike the rest of her kind being hunted for who she is believed to be, a dangerous and powerful demon. However, we see her intentions unfold as the story progresses. While the story was good, there were some moments where I was left confused. The beginning of the story which introduced us to Irene and her profession needs more clarity. I'm not sure if this was only me, but I felt the pace much quicker than other parts. Adding more detail and information could help with the issue. Perhaps add more detail as to how the house looked like and her scheme. I also did notice the use of the word "then" too much. Example: "She then reappeared at the empty office of said millionaire with a money bag..." To fix this issue, you could simply take out the word and let it sit as, "She reappeared at the empty office of said millionaire with a money bag..." This will help provide a much more fluent flow. When Irene's powers are revealed, more detail could really help introduce them. The way you're writing it, it seems as if the reader already knows about her powers which isn't the case (unless they do). Irene's care for children was such a nice touch! No one would except a demon to be so kind to kids as shown in the story. Her dialogue is very unique as well which was a good contrast from the other characters! I like the way Irene is described as well in the introduction. I find it very unique and clever to describe her as you did. Overall, I think the story looks great! While it does need a few revisions and changes in punctuation, plus the addition of detail in certain parts, it has a plot and style that will keep the reader interested until the very end! "
FUN DEMONIC STORY
"This story is quite entertaining! Irene, the female character seems wise and very caring, what with her keep protecting children feom ruthless behavior and try to give money to the orphanage even though she is a demon. See? The concept itself is very intriguing. Especially since this story has a life lesson that can relates a lot to us as a human, especially about prejudice that we have towards other that is different than us or the ones rhat we perceive as 'not good enough' or even the opposites of good. I like that Irene can prove herself to be a caring good natured demon even though she IS a demon. It is very intriguing. However, I would probably advice Roger to do more editing towards the punctuations in the story for a better and smoother reading experience!^^ (though so far he has done very good). And maybe for me at least, the pace is too fast, I want more a depth of the scene or the character. But overall it is an enjoyable one. Good luck roger!"
