Therapy
It’s annoying living in a small town. The gossip is really insane, especially about my family. In this town you’re either rich or poor. All the poor people envying the rich. All the rich people are disgusted by the poor. But everyone knows everything about everybody. So when I tried ending myself, everyone knew.
I’m considered a rich girl. One of the richest in town. Everyone made the attempt a bigger deal than it was. My therapist brings my wandering mind back. “So why did you want to end your life?”
It’s no surprise I had tried to end my life. Everyone knew about my self-harm, even my parents. Nobody did anything to help me. But here I am now, seeing a therapist, because I had dangerously stabbed myself, had multiple breakdowns, started doing drugs, oh and smoking weed.
“Miss Carmichael?” Mrs.Waller’s voice brings me back, once again. Staring into her bright blue eyes I ask, “What did you say?” I need to focus. The sooner we get over this, the sooner we can go back to acting like nothing happened.
“I asked you, why did you want to end your life?” She paused, then said, “What do you feel is wrong in your life?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Mrs.Waller hides her impatience as she says, “Miss Carmichael might I remind you that having an attempt on your life is not something we think little about. So do better than “I don’t know”.”
“Fine.” I have to pause to pause, for dramatic effect. “I hated myself.”
“And, go on?”
“And what? I thought this was supposed to help me.”
“It is, only if you let it. Nothing good comes easy. So what do you view as the biggest problem?”
“My body, what I look like.”
“What do you feel is wrong with your body and what you look like?”
“A lot, I feel like I’m overweight and ugly.”
“MmmmHmmm”
It was silent now. All I could hear was the constant ticking from the clock over the window and the sound of her scribbling down notes on her little pastel pink notebook.
What seems like ages of silence she looks up with those beautiful blue eyes and says, “Is that all you feel? Or is there more?”
I pause. I don’t like this. Talking about my thoughts and emotions, opening up. I hate this, but I need to just do it so everyone can move on, including me. “I felt like everybody hated me, like I was a burden.”
“Who’s someone that made you feel this way?”
“Everyone.”
“Everyone?”
“Well, everyone besides Ollie.”
“Ah, Ollie, the Bazin boy. Why did Ollie not make you feel like a burden?”
“Ollie has had the biggest and I mean biggest crush on me ever since, well as long as I remember.”
“Hm. And what’s that other boy, the one he was always running around with and getting in trouble with?”
“Jack, Jack Bass.”
“Okay. Well, why do you think everyone hates you?”
“Because everyone thinks I’m some spoiled rich girl.”
She looks down at her note book and scribbles some more.
After Mrs.Waller leaves I take Crash, our Rottweiler, for a walk. My parents have always been separated, for as long as I can remember.
When I walk past our neighbors, the Bazin’s, house I see Jack and Oliver arguing. Jack is considered poor. His sister is still friends with Ollie’s. Jack, Ollie, and I used to be best friends, before Jack’s father lost everything and his mother left.
“I just don’t understand why-” Jack stops as he sees me. He does that stupid grin that makes girls swoon, as he waves to me. I smile and wave back. Oliver doesn’t like this. He goes back in his house and slams the door. Jack looks at me, still grinning, and shrugs. He jumps on his motorcycle and drives away.
When I get back to my house Oliver texts me.
Ollie: How’d the session with Mrs.Waller go?
Me: Reallllllyyyy boring
Ollie: Oh
Me: What?
Ollie: Nothing
Ollie: What’s going on with you and Jackson
Me: Nothing
Ollie: Good.
Of course Ollie asked and I’m not surprised he called him Jackson instead of Jack. He refuses to call him Jack ever since they stopped being friends.
Me: Why was Jack at ur house?
Read at 5:15 p.m.
