Prologue
Before we start, I would like to thank Maggie O'Highley for all her help with the editing. I am the Baker, but she puts the icing on top.❤
Delain The Narrator
Long ago, ten years to be precise, a faction called the Black Cloaks decided that it would be a brilliant idea to call forth a demon horde from the pits of Wolgast to wreak havoc on the Kingdom of Alytheria and to irritate the King.
King Jozan Strongheart was in the process of imposing strict laws on the bordellos and other houses of merriment, and the Black Cloaks did not agree with King Jozan's plans; thus, their leader, Frederic Stinghorn, stole a summoning spell scroll from a notoriously ill-tempered witch, Brunhilda Nettle-Arse.
They did not realise at the time that the Archdemon, Dargron, was patiently waiting for an opportunity to escape Wolgast. He had plans of his own... He would inflict The Consuming Darkness on Alytheria. The Consuming Darkness would spread malice, greed and evil in general to anyone it touched like there wasn't enough of that going around already. The Inflicted would become part of Dargron's army.
Dargron delightedly told the members of the Black Cloaks of his plans as he ate them one by one.
These bandits and wannabe mages never achieved much and had no families to think of. The lives that flashed before their eyes were mundane and uneventful. There were no faces of wives and offspring to weep over as Dargron consumed them with glee. So, as is expected from the very loyally horny members of the Black Cloaks, the last thought they spared was for Madam Lena, proprietor of The Kinky Vixen Inn, known for her wit and exceptionally exciting boobies.
Archdemon Dargron made a slight miscalculation, however. Being a demon, he knew nothing of the nature of man, elf and dwarf. He did not count on most people being good or that they, at the very least, only had questionable morals. That isn't really evil, is it?
The Consuming Darkness turned relatively mean-spirited people into evil people. The immoral but mostly okay guys became slightly grumpy and developed an urge to steal turnips, but that only lasted for three weeks. The virtuous ended up harbouring an intense dislike for harp music, Mondays and mustard.
The Archdemon's plan was an utter flop but make no mistake; many lives were lost. A few of Alythera's greatest warriors sacrificed their lives for the Kingdom and its populace. They will forever be honoured in The Hall of Heroes, Shuldhavran.
Except for Eberron, Bard of Saltwreath. He was a real yak's bladder, and no one really liked him much. He could make a decent onion soup, but his singing was reminiscent of an Orc mother in labour and his fake beard fooled nobody.
Despite suffering destruction and casualties, the heroes were victorious, and Dargron's pitiful army was destroyed. He felt so embarrassed and flustered that he unintentionally turned himself into a yellow-spotted Rocksnek, and someone accidentally stepped on him.
The Black Cloaks' souls were released at that moment, and have learned a valuable lesson, they will forever reside in The Hall of Nincompoops.
It has been a relatively peaceful ten years since and most of the older heroes have retired. With not much going on, many heroes took on normal jobs like catering and boot mending for some reason. Some of them remain at the Heroes Guild as mentors, as the Guild still recruits members to this day.
A few decided to travel to distant lands seeking adventure, coin and foreign beauties with low standards. They probably all died horrific deaths. I heard that there are Drakes, Trolls (nasty things) and other creatures beyond the borders of Alytheria. They were never heard from or seen again.
As far as I know... I mean, I'm only the narrator.
This leads us to the present. It's a pleasantly warm day with birds singing in the trees while squirrels play in the branches and Rocksneks are having afternoon naps on warm rocks. There is a yak herd peacefully grazing on a hill.
But... what is this? Is that smoke billowing in the distance?
Could it be a forest fire, or did another bunch of nincompoops decide to unleash something evil from the depths of Wolgast again?
We shall soon know in the next chapter: Something wicked this way comes.
Delain The Narrator
An extremely sexy and devastatingly handsome dwarf underground City of Ondergront. He is snarky, loves storytelling and travelling. He is an opportunistic merchant.
He likes long walks on the beach at sunset and would love to serve one lucky lady breakfast in bed and tickle-
"Delain! This is not the dating section of the Alytheria Tribute!"
- Elva Ferrel
Madam Lena Flusterbroek
The proprietor of The Kinky Vixen "Inn". She is the kinkiest vixen in Alytheria... So, I've heard.
Archdemon Dargron
A boss demon from Wolgast. He looked scary and mean but turned out to be a complete numbskull.
He was ugly and I didn't like his attitude one bit.
1 star - Do not recommend.
Rocksnek
A small salamander, lizard-type creature. Some of them spit fire or acid. Fortunately, most of them don’t.
The Consuming Darkness
A plague that turns arseh°les into even bigger arseh°les. It’s literally a cloud of black smoke.
Sort of smelly, like anchovies.
Dear Reader.
Thankyou from the bottom of my Dwarven heart for coming on this adventure with us.
I truly hope you enjoy our family of naughty misfits and stay with us until the end.
Spectacularly yours,
Delain.
