The King's Amusement
“Sire, I come bearing most dire news. I'm not sure exactly from what quarter it approaches, but I believe that there is a treacherous plot afoot in your Highness’ court!”
Nodding slowly and knowingly, I sipped my silver goblet of delectable sweet red wine as my minion waited eagerly for my oh-so-important response like a lowly dog needing his Master’s permission to speak again; In a real way, that’s exactly what he is to me, a loyal pooch eager for my royal approval. Being what I am, I was stretching his patience in favor of my response, and I savored this moment as any proper King would and should.
Finally, after seeing his eager waiting face, I responded directly: “Oh, my dear Jeffery... yes, I know of this treachery, and I’ve known of it before it ever started in the first place.”
My minion stared at me for a moment utterly confused, mouth crassly hanging open and looking uncommonly shocked at my statement. By use of this crude expression, he had just lost my interest due to this visible crassness, as well as any favor he believed he had gained over his many years of service to my throne.
So much the better. I do so abhor these tiresome petty intrigues, but they do carry certain gleeful satisfactions as long as one is the royal giving such decrees, but personal orders are my most satisfying duty as King.
Getting up from my dining table, goblet in hand, I walked over to my subordinate, as if to console a friend. However, being of a royal personage and a secretly ruthless one at that, close friendship was a luxury unattainable thanks to matters such as the one we were just about to contend with. I passed a large ornate mirror on the wall, and what a vision of proper royalty I was. Gold crown shining, and my long robe of finery glittering with silver and gems. I wasn't God, but to my people, I was as close as they'd ever get to one.
“But Sire, how could you know? I am your personal collector of information, am I not?” Surely a fair question to ask. I replied with brutal honesty: “Spy, you mean? That was the word you really wanted to say, correct? Yes, you are my spy, Jeffery, and a bloody damned good one.”
I matched his eyes peering over my goblet, still sipping; This seemed to please him. What was to follow could go either way, depending upon his attitude and what he assumed he could find out.
It was time to test the waters and see exactly where this hour would end.
“Jeffery, you are not of royal blood, and so there are certain things you are not privy to fully understand as a mere commoner, even as surely blessed as you are to be in my personal service. So I am going to hereby enlighten you... Though this insight might not be to your liking. Any royal knows that treachery is ALWAYS afoot in any place where the power to rule is held. So there are always those that scheme and plot to take it, by either plot or assassination. This is nothing new, old friend.”
“But sire, I know this treachery is from someone in the highest levels of your court! Should this not concern you? If it’s from any member of your royal family, we can have everyone followed discreetly. I can surely discover the dark heart of this scheme against your Throne. I will not rest until the culprit is proven, and a treasonous head hangs high from the gate of your keep.”
Nodding to myself, I put down my drink, and reaching out I touched Jeffery’s shoulder, slowly steering him and myself towards the entry door. My decision now was made for him, and the course of action now decided. Since our conversation was private, and we were completely alone, this would be easy, and highly enjoyable for me, but not so pleasurable for my court spy.
“Yes, I have no doubt in my own heart that you would eventually reveal the entire plot and reveal the culprit. You would pursue the truth as an obsessed bloodhound would. Such a wonderful trait you possess, a determined doggedness that few possess. You would pursue the traitor to hell itself in my name would you not? However, the head that you would surely seek to be hung from the gate is no one you could ever accuse, regardless of the proof you would undoubtedly discover.”
We meandered closer to the door where my royal guards stood ready and waiting to slavishly obey my orders utterly regardless of the horrors they often enact in my name. I saw from my side Jeffery’s eyes slowly widen as the full meaning and weight of my words finally sunk in, and I also noticed his spirit visibly sinking as well in utter horrid helpless resignation.
I continued sealing his fate in words - “For you see, my dear Jeffery, my loyal spy that never strayed once in my service... there is certainly treachery here against the throne at the highest possible levels. I know this so well because the treachery is my own!”
We were at the very door, and I was about to open it when I heard a whisper “But why?” As if asking the Gods themselves as to the cruel machinations of fate.
So I decided to give him a full answer before his head would adorn my front gate - “Well because I say so! I do what I like Jeffery, and others are compelled to obey, so I purposely start secret plots in the court against my own throne just to see who falls into my treacherous web of deceit. I do this for one reason and one reason alone. Executions are SO much fun for me. It’s like sharing in the power of God, to decree death whenever I deem fit. Not even wine or personal pleasures with my concubines compare. Nothing like the thrill you are about to personally experience and provide in my name and for my exquisite royal pleasure!”
“Guards!” I yelled. The door was open in an instant with two menacingly large armed men standing there, looking a bit too eager to dispense my violence, just what I love. “Seize this man, he is a traitor to the throne. Execute him tonight after my dinner so I can be free to watch.”
As a last bit of salt applied to the wound, I leaned close to Jeffery as he was sputtering some nonsense about his innocence “Thank you for your services Jeffery, consider this payment in full, a sacrifice to the worthy cause of my entertainment. By the way-I do so love your suggestion about the head. I think I’ll fulfill that particular last wish just for you.”
I turned to my guards restraining Jeffery: “Remove his head after the hanging and adorn my castle front gate with it, as a message and warning to my enemies, and feed his headless body to the dogs, no grave needed.”
Jeffery’s sputtering turned to futile struggles as he was painfully manhandled away. For now his pain was mainly just mental based upon my own betrayal, to be completed and later to be perfectly matched by physical agony. Certainly quite amusing to watch for me. My guards weren't exactly being gentle as he was unceremoniously dragged off.
As my former spy was spirited off to his final destiny of public violence as decreed by me, I again sat down at my luxuriously adorned table and poured more wine, giddily laughing as only members of Royal blood deserve to. It’s a grand affair to be King, and I fully enjoy it as I should, being Royal myself. This entire kingdom and all it contained was my domain of personal fun, and I intend to make good use of it all. Why you might ask? For my royal pleasure of course!
--------------------------------The End---------------------------------
