CHAPTER ONE!!!
What's life?
I really feel God doesn't exist, all my life has been chaotic.
I didn't have abusive parents but my parents were not easy people.
All my life I just thought I wasn't good enough, I suffered from Inferiority complex, anxiety, addiction, paranoia, depression, self inflicted woes and many more.
I never had it easy, I remember a time in my life when I was in highschool, I made mistakes in high school, I eventually got myself suspended that's where my life ended.
I got introduced to the world of drugs, internet fruad, and gang affiliated friends.
Over the short time i stayed in my new school my life was a mess, I lost focus and purpose, it eventually worsened when I came to college. I really feel cheated and used by God. I'll tell you a story.
When I was 7, I was sexually abused a couple times by not one person but a bunch of people, I honestly can't blame my own mother for being hospitable, she was just naive to the fact that, the male child can also be abused.
I was abused by 3 people and it really caused me to have a chaotic childhood, while others were playing, me I already had unwanted hormones running through my body.
I eventually started sleeping with my mom's friends daughters and that was even before I was 13.
My dad was and is still clueless of this, my dad has always been a great provider and guardian but as a father, he just was emotionless. He just wanted me to know the importance of money and making it, he didn't connect with me emotionally at all and it really broke me.
I will never open up to him because he will still make me feel useless.
Sometimes I wish he was emotionally available for me.
After my admission into college, I met alot of people.
As a child I was indoors even as I grew up, college was a hard place, I cried for days alone, I started doing internet fraud, and I can guarantee you that was what sustained me,
I got myself clothes at times. Yahoo as we call it helped me really.
My dad did give me money alot but I was quickly introduced to a world of need and unwanted wants.
