Loveception

Lydia

“We are back, ladies and gentlemen, with Lydia White.” I hear the hostesses and shift nervously on the leather couch.

The audience claps on command and a camera is almost in my face. Remember to smile. You know that thing you do with your lips when you are not sweating like a pig?

I manage to muster one and focus on the woman sitting across me. Cathryn Davidson, probably the most renowned TV – and not only – person in the US with a TV show that millions watch. Not the time to be reminded of that now.

“So, Lydia, this is your first novel, right?”

“It is.” I nod. “Not the first one I’ve written but the first one to be published, mind you.”

“How many novels have you written before?”

“Three. And I got 27.5 times rejected.”

The audience laughs loudly without the red light going on above them and I take it as a good sign. Cathryn across me is laughing, too. Relax, you got this.

“OK, I get the 27. What’s with the .5?”

“Well, I got a letter of rejection that said that the first chapter was great but the rest of it sucked.”

“Ooh. That must have hurt.”

“What? No. Didn’t you hear what I said? They loved one chapter!”

More laughter. I see Alexis, my publicist, behind the camera smiling widely. The woman never smiles unless she gets word that one of her relatives died and she inherited. Which means I am rocking this interview.

“It seems that your optimism paid off. Great Despairs is No.1 on the top best sellers.”

“I am grateful.”

“For those who don’t know the book, it follows Ian, a famous rock star, who receives a series of enigmatic letters that get him on a strange, dangerous scavenger hunt.”

“Exactly. It reads as a mystery. I mean, I wrote it as a mystery. But while I was editing, I realized I wrote a drama. Bummer, I say.”

“Haha! One thing is certain. Ian is hot!”

Her comment raises a round of enthusiasm. I do not share the sentiment. I knew I should have written him short, bald, and with a dad bod. Ever since the book is out, I get the same reviews over and over. “Ian is so hot and sexy”, “Ian is so dreamy and tortured, I want to nurture him with love”. It is one of the selling points of the book. And I shouldn’t mind – I did create the man after all – but Ian has gotten greater than the story and that means I did something wrong.

“I mean, oof!” Cathryn fans herself. “He seems delicious.”

“Glad you like him.” I point at her and the audience.

“Is there someone real behind your Ian? Someone that inspired you?”

I blush. I am on national television for ten precious minutes with Cathryn Davidson others would give their right arm - and several other extremities - for and I am blushing. But I can’t help it. Every time I think about the man I based Ian on, it has the same effect on me.

“Uhm…yes, actually.”

“Would you care to share with us?” Cathryn widens her smile unnaturally as if she knows she is getting a nice title for the whole interview.

I smile awkwardly and glance at Alexis. She has pinned her look on me and I see the threat dripping from her eye. I haven’t told anyone about that little detail and I managed to keep the description of Ian quite vague, but I knew it would come up at some point. Might as well take the bandage off with one swift move.

“Caden Evans.” I almost whisper.

“Caden? Of the Cagliostro’s Revenge? That Caden?”

The one and only, I sigh. The crowd erupts in loud, unintelligible noises and Cathryn claps while leaning back on the sofa. Everyone knows Cagliostro’s Revenge. You must be hiding under a rock not to have heard at least one of their songs. They played everywhere, pubs, coffee shops, commercials.

“Cagliostro’s Revenge! Do you have some?” She turns to the DJ she has on set and he complies.

Seconds after, Caden’s voice fills the studio. The DJ has picked the group’s latest hit and soon everyone sings loudly. Great, I raise my brow and keep my smile like a castaway holding on to a piece of wood. I try to focus but I never seem to be able to do that when I hear Caden Evans sing.

His deep, throaty voice is sex flowing through the air and has kept me up many a lonely night. The fact that the voice is delivered by a pair of luscious lips added to the flair. Problem is that things don’t stop at lips and voice. Caden Evans is perfection from his chestnut, long wavy hair down to his lean body.

“Wow!” Cathryn turns to me “I must say I should have seen it coming. Caden sure is hot. Have you met him?”

No, but we had some steamy encounters in my dreams.

“I haven’t. I have been to Cagliostro lives but nothing close to a VIP pass.”

“What prompted you to use Caden as your inspiration?”

Duh. Have you seen the guy?

“I have decided that my hero would be a rock star. I never made the conscious decision to use Caden but as Ian was forming, it was obvious that he was shaped after him.”

“Ian is really troubled and is looking for a way in life. Do you think that Caden is the same?”

“As I said, I haven’t met Mr. Evans so it would be unfair to burden him with Ian’s existential crisis. I decided to use a rock star because I found the fact that they are faced with that kind of crazed adoration interesting. How does a man deal with that?”

“I am sure you are about to find out. Great Despairs is getting more and more popular and successful. There are rumors of a movie adaptation by none other than two-time Oscar winner Julio Adaz. Is it true?”

Panic shoots through my veins. There are in fact talks about it but I was told that I am supposed to keep it an absolute secret. I turn to Alexis and she raises four fingers.

I chuckle. Alexis has prepared me like a lawyer trains her client to take the stand. She even had me memorize canned answers. OK, answer number four.

“All will be revealed in good time.” I turn to Cathryn.

“It was great to have you with us today, Lydia. Ladies and gentlemen, Lydia White. Seek out Great Despairs.” Cathryn talks to her camera with the book in hand and then turns to me. “Thank you so much, Lydia.”

“It was a pleasure. Thank you for having me.”

We both get up and we exchange the fakest kiss in the history of fake kisses and I walk down the platform accompanied by Caden’s voice.

People say that women are good at multitasking but I do not seem to share that trait so not falling on my ass down those stairs and balancing on the wretched high heels Alexis has me climb while smiling at the audience and heading in the right direction out of the set is a real struggle. And all this while Caden’s voice booms and makes my breath swallow. Although that last thing could be attributed to the tiny, tight dress Alexis squeezed me in as an effort to dispel the geeky writer image.

I accomplish all tasks and soon I am behind the cameras in one piece, devoid of public humiliation and I can finally breathe. Alexis is coming up to me with the tablet in her hands and the headphones as the constant extension of her ears.

“So, how did I do?” I ask her anxious to be in more comfortable shoes.

“Good. Your followers are up and I am checking your website stats.”

Alexis, ladies and gentlemen, a humanlike robot at your service. I shake my head with a smile and head for the dress rooms in the back of the studio where I have left my real clothes. Alexis follows me in and sits on the couch while I change.

“How did she know about the movie?”

“Do not worry about that. It’s probably the studio bouncing the idea around to see how it goes. By the comments I see here, people seem to love it.”

“OK. Maybe that will overshadow that other thing.” I am talking out loud.

I hope that talking about the movie will make everyone forget that talk about Caden Evans. It is high-school-worthy embarrassing to be caught talking about him as if I am some girl writing CADEN in all her notebooks with hearts around. Which I don’t.

“I hope not. It is a nice stunt. Caden Evans is hot right now and we can ride that train.”

“No one is riding anything.”

And suddenly I feel bothered talking about riding and Caden Evans in the same context.

I slip into my immeasurably more comfortable dress that isn’t in the habit of depriving me of oxygen and I point a finger at Alexis.

“Look at me!”

She drops what she is doing on her tablet and she looks at me. OK, now what? I am terrified of her pitch-black eyes. If the eyes are the mirror of the soul, Alexis’s sure are for they show nothing but endless, bottomless darkness that shrouds souls in despair.

“Repeat after me, Alexis. You will not pursue this Caden angle.”

“OK.” She waves indifferently.

“I mean it, Alexis. The book is selling fine without stunts like that. I will be seriously pissed if you don’t follow me on this.”

Alexis raises a brow looking up at me. She is openly challenging me. Pissed will you? And what will you do, little girl? I read her thoughts.

She isn’t wrong to be so arrogant. Not only she is the queen of the damned, but I am also always so unwilling to get into a fight that I end up being pushed around a lot by almost everyone around me. That is the main reason I choose the people I let close painstakingly carefully. And evil as Alexis might be, she is good at what she does.

“You won’t be able to avoid it, though.” Alexis gets up and grabs her bag. “So get ready at least to get a few more questions about Caden Evans.”

As Alexis walks out I sit on the couch to put on my ankle boots and contemplate on the surrealistic situation I am in. Last year I was in my tiny apartment in San Francisco dividing my time between working as a freelance columnist on various sites and writing – and reading rejection letters. And now I am flying from New York to Chicago overnight for book presentations, interviews, and appearances. And am seriously talking about Caden Evans. I am assuming it takes a lot less to make a person go crazy.