What is your opinion?
Sudden Collide
"I love the story and the punch line. I would suggest fixing a few things like sentence structure, grammar introducing the characters slowly and clearly. Besides these things I look forward to reading more of it !!!!!!!"
Interesting Start
"There are issues with style that make the work difficult to follow. For example, in dialogue when a new person speaks that should be put into a new paragraph. The prose is often slangy and difficult to follow. Also, the story is a bit sketchy as it's a professor and student with a lot of inappropriate behavior. Nothing given to help us through the cringy bits. Maybe the first encounter is romantic instead of the coffee spilling? However, I think the story has potential."
The Sudden Collide
"REVIEWING AT THREE CHAPTERS Honestly, I think the plot is pretty good, but it moves wayyyyy too fast. We need more backstory and for things to just slow on a bit. We go from 0 to 60 very quickly which can feel a little whiplashy. I also think there is a good amount of room for improvement in the writing style. My first note would be that this story needs more showing rather than telling. It seems like every singe thing is narrated, leaving very little up to the imagination. I would instead of telling us things about the characters/what they're thinking or doing, show us via their actions and what they say. Also, a lot of the narration is structure like "I do___ then I do ____" it all is "I" - which can make the narration sound choppy, esp if you're using primarily simple sentences. I would try to find other ways to say this instead of always using "I" Technically, there were a few grammatical and punctuation issues, but nothing you couldn't catch in a round of editing. Ultimatley, I think the three biggest areas of improvement would be pacing, showing vs. telling, and sentence structure. Hope this helps!"
The foundation is there
"The foundation is there for this story to be more. I think it can be a really great, well done story if punctuation is fixed, sentences make more sense, paragraphs are spaced correctly, and if the reader knows who exactly is speaking in a direct line. Such as “I eat oranges,” Riki said. Or “Would you like to go to the movies?” I asked Diane. As for the plot. I think putting a full sized description would help understand just what the reader is going to read. While reading, the characters seemed interesting and I was able to gather that the main character was slowly having romantic feelings for her professor. But, it took me a while to understand what I was reading which left me confused. Another thing I’d like to mention is to introduce us(the readers) to the story. As in, give background information. Who is the main character? What is the main character about? What do they like or dislike? How did some of these characters already form bonds such as friendships or relationships? The same can be said for side characters too. In the beginning, readers are kind of thrown into the story. It’s difficult to piece what is going on. Besides that, I enjoyed the comedy of it. Also, I could tell that the main character is struggling with her feelings for the guy. My takeaway is to be more descriptive instead of throwing dialogue around. An example would be describing where the characters are. More than saying that they are in a school. You can talk about how loud it is, the smell of food, the colors of the walls, and how the seats look(Are they benches, singular cheers, old and weary?) Let the reader imagine each scene in their mind. Show rather than tell. I think looking at different articles or help forums that expand in dialogue, punctuation, grammar, and descriptions would help. Detailing characters and including background will make readers more connected to them and the story. I see the potential of this story thus far. It just needs a bit of a tune up as you go along! 😁"
