I exist

Mille

Mille. Thats what everyone calls me. Thats what everyone wants to call me. But same name. Same person. Different gender.

I was born in pool hospital on the 24th January 2010. My life was pretty much a normal. I had a brother (max) and both sets of parents. So quiet lucky compared to some people. Or at least thats what my mother would say. Maybe the people who have divorced parents are luckier. At least they can choose who they live with.

I grew up as being a girl. Thats the truth. I thought I was a girl for many years. That didn't change until i was 12.

Looking back now, I realize that my mum was always homophobic. But it didn't bother me then or make me think that it was wrong. It was normal. I thought that being instructed not to talk to lesbians or trans people were normal. It was only age twelve that i realized that it wasn't normal.

I also grew up thinking that I was 'normal' I would force myself to talk about boys with my friends and bretend that i liked them. To me, and only me, did I start to notice things about myself that wasn't like anyone else. For example I would wear trousers instead of mini rolled up skirts.

I guess even after all of that I started not to feel normal. So I panicked. I had a major argument with my best friends and joined the popular group. I was kicked out pretty much the same month. So I was well and truly alone.

So here I am. My first day of Upper School. And I feel shit