Chapter 1
Chapter 1 - Why?
Peter’s car engine stopped and he exited his car. He locked it, then headed to the front door and got into his home. It was late, and he wasn’t supposed to be gone. The door creaked when he shut it, and made his way quietly upstairs. When he arrived in his room he let out a long breath and fell on his bed with his arms spread out. His eyes began to close then rapidly he sat up. He leaned forward, ran his fingers through his luscious hair and stood up. Srangly, he stumbled to the bathroom and splashed his face with water. Against his wishes, he looked into the mirror, shook his head, and took off his clothes. He found clean clothing, got dressed and got into his bed. For quite some time Peter stared at the ceiling, then eventually turned to his side and slept.
It was almost 2:00 in the afternoon and Emily hadn’t seen or heard from her son all morning. He typically sleeps late, especially on weekends, but never this late.
“Peter!” she yelled, as she laid her plate in the sink. There was a startling thump upstairs then regular footsteps followed.
Peter rolled out of his bed and stood up. He held his head and squinted as he groaned. His legs were weak and he seemingly had a severe headache. He threw on sweatpants and a hoodie then exited his room. The cold struck him and shivered while stumbling downstairs with his head facing the floor.
“Are you alright?” his mom asked. “You don’t look so good. Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m fine.” he continued to look at the floor while he walked past her. He coughed, opened the pantry door and pulled out a box of cereal.
“Do you mind telling me what that noise was up there?” She raised her eyebrows as he poured the cereal from the box into his mouth.
He lowered the box and looked at her angrily. “Nothing, I tripped.” He rolled his eyes as he closed the box.
“Peter, that’s not nothing. I’m serious, are you alright? You’re acting strange.”
“Can you just stop? Just because you’ve moved on past dad’s death, does not mean I have.” he headed for his shoes by the door.
“Excuse me? Moved on? I have no understanding as to what has gotten into you but if you think you’re leaving then you are insane.”
“Then maybe I am, mom.” he slipped his shoes on, opened the door and turned around. Something dropped out of his pocket. Unfortunately for him, he couldn’t bring himself to pick it up fast enough.
Emily’s eyes widened. “You’re smoking now. Great. You must have been out drinking last night too.” She shook her head and looked distressfully at the ceiling.
“Why does it concern you?”
“Because- I- Peter, because I care about you.” She gave him a worried look as her eyes formed tears.
“Then leave me alone.” He finally stepped outside and closed the door. The car unlocked when he pulled his keys out of his pocket. He got in, where he started the engine.
Emily fell to her knees in confusion and disbelief. She heard him drive away and she wept.
Peter was a junior in highschool. Bad grades, and few friends. I died a few years ago and my wife moved with our son Peter from Iowa to Texas. Peter didn’t make friends easily after the move. It turns out he thought parties would help. I can’t imagine how Emily must feel. It hasn’t been easy not being able to do anything up here.
Peter swerved on the road. Where he was going, I do not know. He probably wants to be alone.
“Honestly, what the hell.” Peter switched his best friend Luke onto the speaker phone. “I don’t know what to do. Your party’s tonight, right?”
Yeah, at 10:00PM. Clara’s comin’.” Luke replied with dishes clanking together in the background.
“You have got to be joking right now! You’re serious?” The excitement in Peter’s voice was beyond belief. “You definitely know what I’m thinking.
“Okay, okay. Everyone knows you want to hook up with her. I simply don’t understand what you’re waiting for.” He laughed as Peter began to reply.
She’s a freshman, you know that.” He couldn’t stop smiling. “People will start talking.”
“Come on, man. We both recognize she wants you. Stop playing games. Where are you headed?”
“Nowhere, really. I just don’t want to be in the presence of my mother. Do you think I can head to your place right now?”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll let you go now.″ Luke hung up and left Peter alone again with no one to talk to.
When Peter entered his junior year, and Luke his senior year, a new girl came into town as a freshman. This girl would be clara. She had eyes for Peter, but he continuously gave mixed messages, leaving her oftentimes confused. Peter likes her for sure, but worries too much about what others might think of him.
He pulled into Luke’s driveway, stopped his car and grabbed his keys. “Richard, please! Don’t go!” Emily cried in Peter’s head.
“Stop, stop!” he yelled. The memory wouldn’t stop. It kept playing over, and over since his mom got the call. Emily never wanted me to leave. They never knew where I was going. “Fuck!” he slammed his fist onto the dashboard and swallowed with a struggle. He breathed heavily as his hands began to tremble. “Why? Why, God? There’s no way you’re real. Show me this alleged goodness that this kid Isaiah speaks about. You know him! Why can’t you do for me what you do for him?” He looked up and screamed. “I hate you!” The memory still continued, while he cried harder. He took a deep breath, whipped his tears, and closed his eyes. Again, as a whisper “I hate you” he said.
