The Guardians
“Well let me introduce you to the Guardians before you decide to invest in them,” Moses Igazi beamed to the possible investor, who was clearly annoyed and weary by the previous 30 minutes of Igazi’s attempt to convince him to invest in the new superhero team he had created: The Guardians.
“First,” Moses began, clicking on his remote to change the slide to a dynamic slide that introduced the first hero, and team leader of the Guardians, “ we have the fantastical Strong Woman!”
Immediately and image displaying a blue and yellow comic book themed title card that covered the bare legs of blonde, white woman. She dawned a red cape, a sleek, metallic red skirt, and a blue top, with a red insignia of the initials SW covering her large, concealed breasts.
“Strong Woman’s the team leader, and is a powerful, talented, and inspiring young woman who will most definitely lead the Guardians to glory on the world stage. She’s extremely powerful in terms of her abilities as well,” Moses explained, with the possible investor slouching in the chair in Moses’ office, disappointed
“Her powers include super strength, flight, super speed, heat vision, a supersonic scream, and a power that she doesn’t use often but can easily make great use of: her sound shields.”
Moses, observing the investors lack of interest and annoyance at what Moses thought was a great pitch, grew nervous as he moved to explain her mass market appeal, which he knew was the investors only real objective.
“She has really great demos with woman of all races and ages, despite her… less than ideal secondary job to being a superhero, and not to mention her job as the lead porn actress on the team is extremely profitable since it mainly appeals to heterosexual men, because well… most of the Guardians unfortunately aren’t suitable for a majority of straight audiences due to their insatiable queer sensibilities.”
Moses could tell that the investor just wanted to leave the meeting entirely and hoped to the heavens that the lack of straight appeal coupled with his clear ranting wouldn’t disparage the possibility of finally getting the Guardians what they needed most: an investor to keep them from getting fired by the higher ups at Sovereign Tower. He especially couldn’t let that happen to his twin brother, Spore, who had sacrificed so much just to be able to finally become one of the superhero Pornstars that graced the masses with their powers and… procreational talents. If they couldn’t get funding, all their hard work starting the Guardians would be for nothing and they’d be left with performing whatever borderline nefarious assignments other failed heroes had to tackle.
“Isn’t she amazing?” Moses said trying to get more responses out the investor, who had probably zoned out of reality by now.
“Yeah, sure, whatever.”
Moses put on his best fake smile and moved onto the next hero on the team he’d carefully curated to try and not be exploited by Sovereign.
“Let’s move on to the second hero on the Guardians: Vesicle. He’s one of those quirky heroes at Sovereign that you don’t really get to see because of a multitude of external factors that are quite irrelevant if you ask me. He has super strength, like all of the heroes on the Guardians, and has a special, ultra-unique ability I like to refer to as technocardiokinesis-“
The investor choked on some of his cold black coffee and voiced his confusion with whatever ability name Moses had revealed to him.
“Techno what?”
Moses, not wanting to seem like he was annoyed at the investor’s interruption while also not wanting his investor to be too confused, clarified what he was referring to by moving to the next slide to reveal Vesicle, who also had a flashy title card to accompany his slide.
Vesicle was an extremely pale, tall, slim muscular, Asian man who wore a black cybernetic skin tight suit that conservatively covered his skin except for his hands and face,, but liberally allowed for Vesicle’s constrained assets to be on display.
“Technocardiokinesis is essentially what Vesicle likes to call Blood Tech. He can form blood out of his pores that is biomechanical and acts like technology without having any sort of actually cybernetic qualities. It’s just blood. That he can control with his mind and acts as technology if that helps. It’s why he can pretty much do anything with his Blood Tech ranging from energy blasts, to creating blood portals, to flying, to even creating blood dildos. The blood dildos can of course be a signature, hot selling item with the depraved horny lunatics of the world who’d buy them. I mean, just look at all the people who bought the Demogorgon fleshlight.”
The investor laughed as Moses clicked his small remote to reveal the numbers surrounding the sales figures for the Demogorgon fleshlight. Finally, Moses thought, I got him fucking sold.
“He’s exceptional for various objectives, and is extremely powerful, and his current approval rating is only second to Strong Woman’s, which I know, the approval ratings of all of the Guardians look like they’re terrible at being superheroes because of how low they are. I mean the fact that our team leader has a 59% seems terrible until you consider the fact that just what the public claims to say about my heroes, but the views and sales of my heroes’ Only Fans and subscription videos on Porn Hub tell a different story about the possible success of the Guardians. Most of the terminally online grifters on Twitter, or whatever the hell Tesla decides to call it now, may have been yelling and screaming about the creation of the Guardians for the past month as being proof of Satanism and whatever else the deplorables can come up with, the numbers don’t lie. The same people who are outraged by the existence of superhero re the very same people watching and enjoying the content produced by those same heroes. And with an approval rating of 55%, Vesicle has nowhere to go but up to the glory of paradise. He does extraordinary with his own audience of queer men of color, with most of them referring to him with phrases such as ‘inspirational’ and ‘one of the most powerful superheroes of our time.’ Well, it’s only a matter of time before he breaks out as the star that I know he can be, and your investment will surely push this rising star to the heavens and maybe even in the Top 30 heroes if we’re lucky. even dust the competition to the point of it looking like a dust storm by the end of it; the hero of heroes.”
The investor’s posture had completely changed from his initial indifference and irritation to his newfound interest in the heroes that the Guardians offered, though it bothered Moses that the investor had no idea what the powers of the Guardians were, indicating that he hadn’t even tried to do some research before accepting the meeting.
Moses still kept up his falsified bubbly persona to not let the investor catch on to his disgust with him.
“Well let’s move on to the rest of the Top 5 heroes in the Guardians. Um… next we have my twin brother, Spore. He’s a botanokinetic, which essentially means he can control plants with his mind. And as you may notice with the rest of the Top 5 heroes, he’s extremely effeminate, which appeals to the femboy loving fanboys that helped create the New York City Femboy Convention, which of course is stunning progress for the rights of feminine men, with many of the femboy audience finding the femboys of the team to be extremely warm and welcoming, with their sexual appeal being to straight Americans and femboy loving tops in the queer community.”
The i had his eyes glued to the screen as he deeply examined the view of the new hero. Spore was indeed a femboy, thigh high green socks and all. He wore a green skirt, had a skin tight green top, all glamorized by green stilettos. The most interesting feature were his red leaf fingerless gloves that matched his ginger dreadlocks. He had dark skin and was clearly Black, but the ginger hair coupled with his bright red freckles and eyes enticed the investor to see what the rest of him looks like. Moses, noticing the almost creepy fixation the investor had with his brother, decided to move on to the next 2 heroes: Femuline and Leche, who both shared the same slide since they didn’t really offer much besides being the other 2 femboys of the group. But hey, at least their approval ratings were above 50%, something the rest of the Guardians couldn’t account for.
Femuline was a short white slim, thick cat boy who wore a skin tight yellow suit that covered his upper body and exposed his legs. His hair, tail, and ears were all blonde, which complimented his bedazzled feline blue eyes. The sponsor was visibly pleased by the lascivious glare Femuline’s eyes in the photo were giving, which made Moses deeply uncomfortable.
The investor wasn’t impressed by Leche though, with Moses noting the distasteful look on his face. Leche was Mexican on the darker side, though he did host the highly desired slim, thick twunk body type that the many femboy enthusiasts on the internet lusted after. He wore a scantily clad white skin tight top that let him show off his bare ass, while also allowing him to wear black gloves and stilettos that matched his jet black hair.
“Femuline, as you can see, is a human with feline features and feline abilities. He’s not that exciting, but his views and sales are over the top and he’ll be a superb asset to you should you sponsor the Guardians. Leche is a hero with similarly less than ideal powers, though at least his are far more interesting than Femuline’s and are actually quite unique. He can secrete a cream like substance that he can use to create weapons, shoot cream at people, or use for his elastic abilities that allow him to grow and shrink. Though his full cream form renders him virtually indestructible so that makes him very useful for rough sex scenes that tend to sell very well. And with the growing rise in popularity of FTM porn, him being a trans man with a vagina definitely appeals to that growing audience.”
Moses moved on.
“Next we have Electro Lyte, Charge, and Lady Leather.”
Moses took another mental note of the investor’s sudden face of… slight worry about something when he saw those three heroes together.
Electro Lyte has her insignia of a yellow lightning bolt themed version of her initials. She was another scantily clad hero, which certainly gave her fans joy, though Moses heard the investor mutter the words, “Why is she Asian,” underneath his breathe when he started to focus the slide of the three heroes on her. Moses decided not to comment. Electro Lyte wore black and yellow with her gloves and thigh high platforms being mostly yellow with black lightning bolts snaking around them, and her top was mostly black with the yellow lightning insignia being the only yellow on her top. She boasted long straight black hair and she interestingly sported yellow eyes.
“Well, she’s pretty obvious in terms of what powers she has, but her femme fatale energy is her selling point to the general public. And yes, her approval rating is 48%, but just hear me out about this one. She hosts the pretty Sovereign standard of super strength, and the oddly growing popular electric powers that Americans are increasingly craving. Though unlike most of the heroes with electric based abilities, like Black Bolt, or even Spark, she’s not Black.”
Moses was pleased to see the investor laugh at that joke, which meant that he still had him hooked despite the sponsor’s minute aversion to her being Asian. Though Moses had considered the fact that it was maybe due to the pose she struck in the power point.
It isn’t the submissive and breedable Asian racial fetishizers are into, Moses briefly considered, she’s striking your standard femme hero pose, not too oversexualized like some of the other ones.
But even again, the Electro Lyte Moses knew behind the scenes was far from being submissive. Though she was breedable.
With a swift click the slide minimized Electro Lyte and maximized Charge.
The investors nodded and smiled, which seemed like a good sign to Moses about being able to sell off Charge, but in the depths of Moses’ mind he knew it was because Charge was white. And there was an unfortunate fact in the superhero business: white’s easy to sell to Americans.
“This ginger hunk is Charge. He can send out red energy blasts by touching his hands together. And he’s super strong too. His main appeal comes from his shyness and introverted nature, which sells like butter with the gay porn he works in.”
Fuck, Moses thought after he let it slip that Charge only did gay porn. Another rule in the superhero business: white men may be the easiest to sell, but gay white men are still hard to get massive appeal with. This fact was evident by the investor’s lack of interest in Charge after that.
Charge wore a skin tight red outfit that looked like it was made from leather, and even had a button up fold in the top by Charge’s chest to emphasize his large chest. He had a red domino mask that had no real practical use, but then again capes were never practical either. And what most porn viewers wanted was just to unbutton Charge’s top and turn his insides into an extrovert.
Nervous at the idea of losing another viable investor, Moses quickly moved on to Lady Leather, though he did worry about the fact that she was also Asian having a negative effect on the sponsor’s possible investment.
“Lady Leather is of course a dominatrix, and due to what she calls ‘rampant pansexuality’ she appeals anyone looking to get dommed by her. She possesses the power to create anything with leather, whether it be the suit she made for herself, or leather weapons. Additionally, she also a master in the martial arts, specifically a Brazilian art from called capoeira. It’s a part of her culture since when she grew up in Brazil when she lived with her father, she picked up on the way. But don’t worry she’s not an immigrant, it’s just her dad and her mom lived in two different countries because they hated each other. Not that being an immigrant is a bad thing, because well all the Guardians are very supportive of immigration and the rights of immigrants.”
Moses knew he would screech at himself later for that last comment about immigration later.
Lady Leather wore black and purple, all leather skin tight outfit that had slits in the inner thigh area to promote air flow and easy movement. Her black leather boots combined with her black leather gloves that were tipped with purple segmented claws matched her short straight black hair that had a purple streak in her sideswept bangs.
Moses was losing the investor’s interest, so he quickly moved on to the last two heroes, who’d he’d purposefully grouped together due to their…unique look.
“Meet Scorstallion and Griffin, as you can see, Scorstallion is a centaur with fire powers and Griffin is a humanoid griffin.”
Writing off Scorstallion as being just a centaur with fire powers was a bit… oversimplified on Moses’ part, but he didn’t care. The sponsor probably didn’t care about what Scorstallion was as long as he looked iconic. He technically was a centaur with fire powers, but he was more so a pyrokinetic that could use his abilities to regenerate and control fire. He also was a Black man, which Moses pointed out attracted a large audience.
Griffin, though, was literally just a humanoid griffin and his powers were associated with being a humanoid griffin.
“So, what do you think? Are you willing to make the best investment that’ll make even the riches of heaven look like mere pocket change?”
The sponsor gave Moses a concerned look and stared him down for what felt like an eternity.
“Ummm sorry but I can’t invest in this. It’s not very…profitable for a businessman like myself. I mean seriously, why are only three of this team of 10 heroes white? I mean, how the absolute fuck can I sell that to someone!? And only one of them only does straight porn! I’m not homophobic but to put my money in something that isn’t profitable is very risky. I’m sorry I can’t invest in this, regardless of how unique and quirky the powers of your heroes are. And besides, they don’t even fall in racial stereotypes,1 so how could they possibly be good Pornstars or very marketable to the majority of Americans. Yeah, definitely not investing this, but I do hope you find a sponsor soon; I know what Sovereign tends to do to teams who aren’t very profitable and cost them too much money. Good luck!” the sponsor shouted as he left Moses’ office. A few minutes after he left, Moses calmly cherry-picked words for the man that he’d left unsaid during the presentation.
“Fuck you, dickwad.”
