Chapter 1
When I felt the sun hit my face, I woke up feeling extra rested, which was a nice surprise. But then I looked at my alarm clock and realized I’d overslept. I almost felt happy about it, but then I remembered school and imagined what my mom’s reaction would be.
”How did you manage to sleep through an alarm clock? You’ve never done that before! Were you trying to catch up on sleep? How could you be so irresponsible?!”
Not gonna be pretty.
I rushed to get ready for school and went downstairs to the kitchen. I grabbed a muffin and bolted out the door. Our house is gray-colored on the outside, and it’s about the size of a cottage. We don’t live next to a lake or anything though, and the houses are a good distance apart. There are some pretty nice houses too, and most people keep their front yards looking sharp.
The house across from ours is pretty nice, I’d say it’s my favorite. It’s painted a dark blue with a white trim and has a nice garden filled with all sorts of flowers. I don’t know what half of them are called, but they look pretty. They’ve got some potted plants on their front porch that look pretty nice too. I think a husband and wife are living there, and sometimes they wave at me when I walk by. My mom keeps bugging my dad about talking to them and having dinner together, but we’ve still been keeping to ourselves.
Sometimes when my dad calls my Mom after he leaves for work in the morning, I hear her mention it to him.
“It’s about time we introduced ourselves to everyone here don’t you think? We moved here in June, Frank. We’ve been here for a good seven months, we should’ve been introduced ourselves by now.”
I was sprinting towards my bus stop when I saw a bus passing by.
124
Well isn’t this nice?
Feeling anxious, I trudged back home and walked with a sinking feeling in my gut. I knew I had to face my mom and tell her I missed the bus. And I knew she would drive me to school because she thinks I can’t make it on time if I walk. And honestly, if I tried to walk to school now, I’d end up late anyway, so I might as well tell her. Ugh, the lecture was inevitable.
I could already hear her voice in my head.
“You’re getting too old for this mess! You need to start being responsible and taking things seriously!”
As if I haven’t heard her say that enough.
I sighed and continued my walk to doom.
I remember when I asked my Mom if I could walk to school instead of taking the bus. We had just moved and I wanted to explore the neighborhood. But she said no way since she thought I’d be late for school.
I don’t think she had anything personal against our neighbors, but I think she was kind of scared for me in one way or another. Just some kind of mother thing I guess.
She’s always been pretty protective of me. So it was kind of a bummer, but I knew my mom was just worried about me, so I wasn’t all that upset.
The idea of moving here wasn’t easy for my older brother. He was a popular athlete in our old neighborhood and had a lot of friends, but if we moved, he would have to start over at a new high school, as a senior.
Well, he would’ve.
He died in a car crash before we moved.
He sneaked out of his room to go joyriding with his friends. It must’ve been really late because I didn’t even hear him get out of bed.
I had to slow down my pace and take a breath.
I think this was the longest I’ve ever even thought about Danny. At least since the funeral.
His friends told us they just wanted to go driving with him one last time before we left.
Well, I guess they got their wish.
I couldn’t help but feel bitter about it. I know they didn’t want it to happen, but It doesn’t change the fact that he’s gone. And it’s all because of them.
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all.
I still remember my mom waking me up in the middle of the night with tears in her eyes and my dad standing in the doorway of my bedroom without even looking at me.
I slowly opened my eyes and looked up only to see her in tears.
That woke me up real quick.
“Mom… What happened?“
Then I noticed that my dad was standing in my doorway with his arm against it, and suddenly buried his face in his arm. I felt a shiver down my spine as my mother continued.
“Janice… Danny’s…” Her voice broke, and she closed her eyes while looking down to the floor.
I looked over to my right and saw that my brother wasn’t in his bed.
Forget it. Don’t think. Don’t remember.
I shook my head out of my thoughts and forced myself to keep walking.
I was still in a daze for the most part, and I was so out of it I almost passed my house.
I felt goosebumps all over my body. I don’t think it was only from the weather.
I walked up the stairs, grabbed my house key from my pocket, and slowly turned the key into the lock.
As the door slowly drifted open, I was met with the strong scent of coffee. I already knew it was black because it was the only kind my mom would drink. I used to hate the smell, but now I can kind of tolerate it. Sort of.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom drinking her coffee while she was frowning at some envelopes. Probably bills.
She looked up at me and furrowed her eyebrows. “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”
I looked down to the floor and tried to ignore the sudden embarrassment I felt.
“I- I- slept through my alarm clock.”
She rolled her eyes and muttered to herself as she got up from the chair. She downed the rest of her coffee, snatched her purse, and told me to come on.
I followed her outside and watched her shuffle her stuff around in her purse while looking for the keys. She managed to find them and pressed the button to unlock the car door.
We had a Red 2012 Mitsubishi Lancer, and I can remember having it ever since I was little.
I remember when I was in third grade and I was in Chorus. I had to sing for a concert after school. Danny was the only one who could even go.
I remember I said that they cared more about working than they did me. Danny shut that down though.
“Shut up talking like that. You know that’s not true. Mom and Dad love you to death, and so do I. And if I hear you talk like that again I’ll zip your mouth shut with duct tape.”
He smiled, and I laughed, but I knew he meant what he said. He always reminded me of how much our parents loved us, and how hard they always worked.
I forgot sometimes, but he always reminded me.
Like when I would complain about them not getting repairs on the car, or about how the kids at school had better ones. He used to ask me if I would trade Mom and Dad for a new car. It always knocked some sense into me.
He was driving me home from my concert. He parked in the driveway and I said something about it. He frowned at me, and I already knew what was coming.
He looked at me with disappointment. “Would you sell Mom and Dad to get a new car?”
I shook my head in frustration. “No! But- I just want a new one. Like the kids at my school have, they’re not rich either and they have nicer cars than we do!”
He shook his head and I already regretted my words.
He sighed and turned to me.
“Listen, I’m not gonna act like I don’t get what you’re saying. Sometimes I get jealous of the kids at my school too. A lot actually. Nicer cars. Nicer clothes. Nicer shoes. Makes me sick sometimes,”
I smiled despite myself.
He continued, “But I remember how hard Mom and Dad work every day. I think of how they work all through the week, and can’t even have Saturday and Sunday to themselves.”
I looked down, but he lifted my chin with his finger and continued.
“You’ve gotta remember that okay?”
I nodded my head.
He looked straight at me with his hazel eyes and I made sure I was listening.
“You can forget sometimes, but you always have to remember.”
We didn’t say anything the rest of the way home.
I wouldn’t say that we were poor back then, but I guess you could say we were on the lower end of the spectrum. And our neighborhood wasn’t exactly the happiest place on earth.
I never really had a problem with it, but my dad did. I guess he just wanted something more. I never loved or hated it. But it was my home, and I thought it was always going to be my home until I at least got to college.
But my dad said he wanted better for all of us. He thought that we would do better here.
Danny disagreed.
“I just don’t get why you’re doing this Dad!”
I was upstairs in mine and Danny’s room. I was almost asleep when I heard Danny shout. It scared me a little because I couldn’t remember ever hearing Danny yell.
“What are you doing this for? Honestly, It’s just not fair! Couldn’t you have at least asked me about it? Better yet, have you ever talked to Janice about us moving? You just decided to spring this up on both of us without even asking how we felt!”
I cringed as I heard my father’s response.
“You quit all this right now boy! I don’t wanna hear no more of this backtalk! I know what’s best for you and your sister! I’m your father! I don’t wanna even look at you right now. You must’ve woken Janice up by now, so go ahead upstairs and get to bed!”
I quickly got back into bed and tried to pretend I was asleep. Then I heard the door open and shut.
I felt a soft hand gently touch my forehead but kept my eyes shut.
“I know you’re awake Janey…”
I opened my eyes and saw my brother with knitted brows and a clenched jaw.
“I heard some of what you were saying…”
He pretended to chuckle. “You did huh?”
I looked at him in confusion. “What’s up with you and Dad? I know moving is pretty big, but I bet you can still play football.”
He looked at me with a face I couldn’t read.
“Sure I can. Night, Janey.”
Dad never talks about when he and Danny used to argue. It must hurt him too much. Mom never talks about him either. She used to be the peacemaker between them, and that must’ve killed her inside…especially since she and Dad were fighting too.
A lot.
I remember one time when Mom and Dad were fighting, and I asked Danny if Mom and Dad were gonna get a divorce.
I came onto his bed and wrapped my arms around him. I looked up at him and whispered, “Do you think they’ll split up? Get a divorce or something?”
He slightly tilted his head to the left and his eyes widened. He went silent for a second. “ I don’t really know…I don’t think they will…nah, they wouldn’t. They’re too old-fashioned for that. They’ll stick it out.”
He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed my forehead, rocking me back and forth like I was a baby. “Don’t worry about it though Janey…don’t worry about anything…”
I was brought back to the present when I heard my mother screaming at me.
“How could you be so irresponsible? Better yet, how do you sleep through an alarm clock?! “ I looked down and fidgeted with my hands.
“We’re almost there…”
That was the only thing I could think of to distract myself from her yelling.
When we arrived at school my mother checked her watch. Her eyes almost bugged out of her head and she flailed her arms around like a lunatic.
“Now I’m gonna be late to work because you didn’t do what you needed to do! You are thirteen years old and I should be able to trust you! Don’t make a habit of this, you hear me?!”
I held back my annoyance and nodded my head.
“Yes ma’am.”
I got out of the car as fast as I could.
Well isn’t this a start to a nice Monday?
